Mum in the edge

[Motherhippo]

Apologies in advance for this rambling (and probably incoherent) post. I've not had a decent nights sleep since my first trimester and my daughter is now 13 months old. I've been riding the sleep deprivation wave a long time.
I have had nothing but issues with DDs sleep since day 1. Both naps and bedtimes have been nothing but a headache for all involved.
For the first 6 months of her life (at least) she would only sleep on my chest. Any and all attempts to get her to sleep anywhere else failed, despite using every trick in the book. She then progressed to wanting to sleep only lying next to me. I could finally put her in her overpriced "next to me crib" but she'd already outgrown it before ever using it 🤬🤬🤬 At about 10 months old I then moved her into her own cot in her own room. To ease the transition I removed one side of her cot and spent the next month sleeping on the floor of her bedroom. Finally at 11 months old I put her cot side back on and moved back into my bed. I was awoken frequently as every time her dummy fell out she'd cry in her sleep and I'd have to go back to her to return it. She never learnt to put it back in herself. Every tooth that came through affected her sleep and she also suffered with constipation which also meant nights of tossing and turning for her and no sleep for me 😫 At 12 months old I made the decision to get rid of the dummy. This made her regress to only wanting to sleep on me again. This last month we've worked at getting her back to sleeping in her cot (with me on the floor). I get broken sleep at best. She tosses and turns constantly through the night and cries frequently in her sleep. I don't think she's teething and I think we've sorted the constipation so I don't know why she cries in her sleep 🤷‍♀️
Basically I've had enough. Over a year without one decent nights sleep leaves me grumpy all day. It'd be so nice if she could go to sleep on her own and stay that way. I'm sick of sleeping on the floor and I'm just sick of bedtimes. I can't leave her to cry. She won't settle and just goes from crying to hysterically screaming. Leaving and coming back also doesn't make a blind bit of difference. I have to let her fall asleep on my chest before moving her into her cot. She normally has a couple of hours of restful sleep before the tossing and turning and/or crying starts. I feel it's a battle of the wills at the moment. If I was well rested then I feel I'd be a bit better at dealing with this. As it is my patience is shot, and I feel like I'm just done. It's 5am and I've had no sleep. She was fussing from 8pm-3am whilst asleep and then has been crying for the last 2 hours I've finally got her back to sleep. She'll probably be awake in about an hour to start her day 😭
I feel like I'm doing something (or a lot of things) wrong. Surely at a year old this should be getting easier?!?!

[FourPlasticRings]

Well, it's biologically normal for small children not to want to sleep on their own. Have you tried co-sleeping? It's a phase and she will outgrow it by and by, but you do get various sleep regressions right up to the two year mark.

[FourPlasticRings]

You can find lots of support on the Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook if you're interested. It's for parents who don't sleep train.

[NatalieH2220]

Sounds like you've had a tough time! Have you considered a mattress even if just a blow up one to sleep on next to her so you're at least comfortable?

Does she have any comforter now that she doesn't have a dummy?

You say we've worked on changing things. Do you have a partner? If so, can they not do bedtime at least one night at week so you get a decent sleep?

[Napqueen1234]

OP that sounds exhausting and unsustainable. I would either pay for a sleep consultant if finances allow or sleep train. Do you have a partner? Are you having to feed in the night or just settle?

[user19990]

I have also not had a nights sleep since my 14 month old was born. A week ago I stopped co sleeping and put him in his cot in his room and let him cry it out. It's hard but getting easier. And his learning that he just needs to sleep without me .

I done this with my DD too when she was 6 months and she is now a very consistent good sleeper.

Lots of people will say it's cruel but I think when you are that sleep deprived, I think it's more cruel to be miserable all day long every day.

[Motherhippo]

@FourPlasticRings I can't cosleep as she's too wriggly and keeps me up all night. We've spent most of her life cosleeping. The reason for the transition is that I can't do it anymore

[Motherhippo]

@NatalieH2220 I have a "bed" of sofa cushions to keep me "comfy" 😂😂 She isn't interested in any comforters other than her mum 😐 My partner tries his best to help but he doesn't wake up when she fusses. He can even sleep through her crying unless she's on full throttle. We live in a small flat and I can hear her fussing even when in another room. So I don't think I'd sleep any better as her noises would be keeping me awake

[Motherhippo]

@Napqueen1234 Finances are tight so a no go on a sleep consultant. In all honesty I can't stand letting my DD crying. And I've tried the "leave for a couple of minutes and then go back in". She's inconsolable, to the point of hysterics and isn't interested in a hand on the back to calm her. It honestly just ends up stressing everyone out. And she is down to one feed (boob) before bed. No feeds at all in the night.

[Motherhippo]

@user19990 I'm sorry your also part of the sleep deprived gang 😔 Despite me being at the end of my tether I don't have it in me to just let her cry. Maybe I could if she just cried but she gets herself worked up until she is in hysterics. Screaming continuously. She's yet to pass out from tiredness. She will not sleep if she's upset/distressed.

[Byallmeans]

Dd3 was a horrible sleeper and it fucks you up. We tried all sorts of sleep books. She is nearly four and just sleeping through 😭😭

Honestly the only thing that helped me was spending the night in a cheap hotel. That one great good night sleep kept me from chucking myself out of a window. Cheap hotel near me is £35 a night, I did it once a month.

Can you do that?

[Codexdivinchi]

Have a look at the no cry sleep method

[Napqueen1234]

Fair enough @Motherhippo I don’t really know what to suggest then. If your partner can sleep through her whingy crying while asleep but will wake up if she’s full on crying could you stay with a friend or family member for a couple of nights? Recharge your batteries and your DD have to deal with not being responded to immediately, she may improve slightly!

[ThatDreamSheep]

My 14 month old is the same. She ends up in bed with my most nights which causes a vicious cycle of wanting to get in bed with me so waking up earlier. I do it though for an easy night. Could never imagine letting her cry it out either.
I know it won't be forever and that's what I just keep trying to remind myself.
'the nights are long but the years are short'
You are not alone.

[NatalieH2220]

I do most of the bedtimes in our house with our now 3yo. But when we've been through stages of my son playing up or not settling my husband does step In. Sometimes just the different person will help break the cycle. So even if you wake him when she fusses if he won't wake otherwise, whilst it won't help you get anymore sleep she may react differently to him and what he does to settle her.

[Motherhippo]

I can't believe all the advice and kind words and it's only 8:30am 😊 I'm going to get hubby to put her side back on her cot tonight and try and put her down asleep. Even if I get a few hours uninterrupted in my own room/bed will be better than what we're doing right now.