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What if sleep training didn't work for you?(3 Posts)
I feel it’s unfair that you haven’t at least had more messages of solidarity and hugs as this is shit and you deserve a medal! I don’t have personal experience to offer you as I’m a ftm and my dd is younger than yours, but my non-scientific appraisal of other people’s sleep stories tells me that sleep training works for most but sadly not all. You haven’t done anything wrong and it’s just bad luck. Seems to me as your LO gets bigger you’ll have other options at your disposal like making being a ‘big girl’ in her own bed really exciting and her understanding stories about saying bye bye to the milk until the morning + use of a gro clock. Perhaps she’s just one who needs to do it of her own accord rather than be railroaded into it.
I can’t say I tried everything as I didn’t do cry it out or proper controlled crying (it was more laying in the dark too tired to get up and fetch them for 10 minutes) but all the stuff I tried was an abject failure and none of mine slept through until 3 and then not reliably until 4.
I don’t know why. They all had the exact same awful sleep pattern, weaning didn’t solve it, stopping breastfeeding didn’t solve it. They were (and the youngest still is) shit sleepers.
What did you do next?
My DD is almost two (in Jan) and is an utterly, utterly dreadful sleeper. I thought my son wasn't great, but (with the benefit of hindsight) he was a doddle compared to the horror of DD.
We have co-slept since birth, as the only feasible way of getting a bit more sleep. She mostly feeds to sleep and occasionally falls asleep without nursing too (so she can do it!). Actually getting her to sleep isn't generally too difficult, but staying asleep is another matter.
Just before she turned one we tried Ferber (which I was hugely reluctant to do, but was desperate) and on the surface it worked, she slept longer and even slept through for a few nights. But after over a month of doing it, she would still sob at bedtime for 10-30 minutes (occasionally more, rarely less) and if she woke in the night she would cry for ages. So it got to the point where I just didn't feel like it was sustainable long term to go on like that. Then she got bad cold/suspected chest infection and there was no way I could put her to bed in the cot and leave her crying when I knew she was unwell. So we "temporarily" went back to co-sleeping and have been doing so since.
She still wakes 4+ times a night and nurses (which I have to sit up for as she will not settle if she nurses lying down ) often she's up every 1-2 hours. Occasionally we get a blissful night where she only wakes twice.
I am just broken and don't know what to do now.
I have come to the conclusion that she will never sleep in the cot, she hates it (I don't think Ferber helped there!) so our next step is setting up a floor bed in her own room, with the intention that I will leave her once she's asleep, in the hope she may start sleeping longer stretches without me there (potentially disturbing her). And then longer term think seriously about night weaning and DH taking over bedtimes and night waking for a while.
I just wondered if anyone had similar experience with an awful sleeper and came out the other side with an older toddler who sleeps relatively well?
DS is a pretty consistent sleeper now. Does occasionally wake with a bad dream/needing a drink etc. but generally he is no bother at night. But he slept fairly independently from an early age and I feel like had a better foundation for growing into a "good sleeper", although he made life easier by taking a dummy and being a bit more chilled out than DD (she's very stubborn and bloody-minded already - God Help Us!).
Messages of solidarity/ support/ success stories welcome.
I'd rather not be told I am making a rod for my own back, etc. As I am struggling and just doing what I can to get by at this point!