Get 3yr old to return to her own bed

[DaddyofMonsters]

Late last year our then 2 1/2 yr old daughter became ill with the initial investigations pointing towards cancer. Thankfully that didn’t turn out to be the case but she still had to undergo surgery to remove two lymph nodes from her neck. Obviously during this time we were all very upset and worried for her and as a consequence we had her sleep with us in our bed. She had previously slept well by herself. Now she’s 3, all healed and back to her normal mental self but she still sleeps with us and we can’t get her back into her bed. Any help and advice would be great fully received.

[FATEdestiny]

Does she go to sleep in her own bed, then come into you when she wakes? Or is starting off in your bed from first going to sleep?

[DaddyofMonsters]

She goes straight into our bedroom and if we try to put her in her own she royally kicks off so we just give in. We’ve also got a 6 month old who doesn’t seem to require sleep so we’re permanently exhausted and don’t have the will power to fight with Meredith.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

My dd is just 3 and is the same. I have come to realise that she could be old enough to understand enough now if I try to (bribe) encourage her with a reward if she stays in bed, but have not yet tried it.

[FourPlasticRings]

Is Meredith your daughter's name? It's lovely.

I think ultimately you either decide this isn't a battle you want to fight right now (perfectly ok if you're OK with that) or you grit your teeth and become consistent in putting her into her own bed and returning her to it in the night.

[DaddyofMonsters]

It is, we’ve got Meredith and Walter. Meredith is a wilful little terror and the best thing in the world. Walter just like to poo and guzzle milk.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Meredith understands everything, she just chooses to do her own thing and if that thin is sleeping with mummy and daddy then that’s what she is going to do. However, I might try a bribe.

[FourPlasticRings]

Lovely names, OP.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Sorry, I forgot to respond to the other part of your response. We actually love having her in with us which is also a problem but we think she should be back in her own bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with mum and dad?

[FourPlasticRings]

We actually love having her in with us which is also a problem but we think she should be back in her own bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with mum and dad?

If you love having her in with you then just do that. More cultures in the world co-sleep with their young children than put them in their own rooms. I'm on a Facebook group frequented by many people who co-sleep with their kids and most kids seem to decide to sleep in their own bed somewhere between 4 and 6 years old. Which is still pretty young when you think about it. FWIW, my DD is coming up on two and I still let her climb in with us at night. If it becomes a problem then I'll address it then.

[BendingSpoons]

Don't change it now. You are happy, she's happy and you are all tired so have limited energy to stick to a new regime.

When you want to change it, try bribery, special new bedding etc, but most of all be consistent. If right now she knows a tantrum will get what she wants then she will do that.

[2007Millie]

Do not even bother attempting to change until you're ready.
A) you won't be as committed so will easily 'give in' and B) your daughter will likely sense your unwillingness

Wait until you're ready, co sleeping can continue for as long as you all require.

When ready, try a few of these things:

1. Go our with your daughter and pick new bedding/a new night light etc and get her to help decorate. Make it all "you're a big girl now so let's make your bedroom for a big girl" etc etc
   
2. Take it gradually. Read a book with her before bed in her bed, and then bring her into yours. Increase the time she spends in her bed each night
   
3. A star chart. A simple but very effective way to reward children. If 7 successful nights sleep by the end of the week, your daughter can pick a prize

[IndecentFeminist]

You may find that you get more sleep with her there. If you're all happy then keep on as you are.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Wow! I never even considered just letting her stay with us. I always assume it was a milestone, independent sleeping away from mum and dad. Thanks you’ve made me feel a lot better and relaxed.

[DaddyofMonsters]

That’s excellent advice, really very helpful especially taking her shopping for bedding. But yeah the consensus so far seems to be that co-sleeping isn’t a bad thing for a 3 year old and not to get hung up on it. Thank you.

[DaddyofMonsters]

We’re all happy and I can’t wait to get into bed and hold her hand while she sleeps or listen to her snoring. The only time we really discuss moving her back into her bed is when my wife is feeling amorous!

[mudpiemaker]

Just do what works for you. We slept Ds1 in with us just before and after he had surgery when he was 10 months old. We were terrified we were going to lose him and he was a miracle, should have needed IVF to conceive him, baby. Afterwards we were just hyper-alert in case anything had gone wrong.

Eventually after a couple of weeks he just went back into his cot. As long as you are all happy, keep her in with you. A friend of ours had baby number 3 sleep with them until she was at least 5 or 6. They were just too tired to even try to commence battle.

Move her when you are ready. Stop worrying about what everyone else does or thinks. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. If it helps, Dh and I have a 6ft superking bed because our sons who are 17 and 14 year olds, yes years, clamber into our bed in the morning for a quick cuddle before one of them jumps into the shower. 4 freaking adults technically! We love it.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Do you mind if I ask what the surgery was for? I’ve never experienced anything like having a child with a potentially life threatening illness. Our bed is also a superking but she still finds a way to push me over to the edge.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

I love your childrens names and the way you talk about them, sounds like you've been through a terrifying time, they're not little for long, if it's not a problem, enjoy the cuddles for now.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Thank you everyone for your positive and intelligent responses. I’m going to relax and continue to enjoy having my farting, snoring starfish of a daughter in bed with us.

[crazychemist]

@DaddyofMonsters

Thank you everyone for your positive and intelligent responses. I’m going to relax and continue to enjoy having my farting, snoring starfish of a daughter in bed with us.

I love this! Describes my 3 yo DD too

Keep sheets on in the spare room for amorous occasions? That’s what we did when DD was little and sleeping in our room. Or other places in the house! Although we came to the conclusion the sofa was too chilly.... we wondered if this showed we were getting old!

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I'd just bring her whole bed into your room and put it beside yours. She can sleep right next to you all, and when the time is right, you can slowly move the bed somewhere else.

[TooMinty]

Sounds like you are happy to carry on as is for now. But if/when you decide to try - my friend did a kind of gradual retreat in reverse. Child in bed with parents, then move to child on mattress on the floor next to parents' bed, then move the mattress gradually further away until it reaches child's room.

[DaddyofMonsters]

Haha she has no shame and finds trumps hilarious.

[IndecentFeminist]

I'd agree on moving the bed. We have a king size with a single attached...all three of the children have been known to sleep there when they want to be a bit closer to us. They're 9, 8 and 2. The 2 yr old is in permanently