8month old what are we doing wrong ? Serious sleep deprivation

[bubs80]

Hi I am hoping someone can help me please. My 8 month old is awake all night . Never been the best sleeper ( but 1-3 wake ups and a feed I can deal with) this is now a lot more .

Within half an hour of being asleep he wakes up! Then hourly until we go to bed at 11 then he is up all night and we have to bring him into bed with us otherwise he just cries in the cot .. we feed him and he either has the bottle and still doesn't go back off or doesn't want the bottle.

We introduced a dummy at 6 months when I stopped breastfeeding and sometimes just putting that back in works but mostly it doesn't.

We are terribly sleep deprived and often the only way for him to sleep is by lying on top of me facing outwards .

He loves food has good 3 meals a day. He doesn't have much milk it is always offered but he refused breast at 7 months and has always been fussy with formula a typical day for us :

Wake at 7- ( but as I say awake on and off all night ) porridge and finger food only make a bottle it 8 will have about 3.
Nap within 2 hours of waking 9-10 ish
Bottle offered again 8 but takes about 5 at 11.
Lunch 12 ish
Nap 1-3 bottle offered on waking takes about 2
Evening meal 5 ish
Bed for 630-7 with 8oz bottle which he does take

Sometimes this varies as he may wake a little earlier or later but it's generally nap 2 hours after waking for 1 hour and second nap 3 hours after that one for 2 hours . And then bed 3/4 hours after that

Is there something wrong with routine ? Or is it just a phase / separation anxiety setting in. He does look for me during day if someone else holds him which is fairly new thing and really doesn't like being put down I have always carried him around and for first 2 months of his life he could never sleep in cot always on me. I thought we had cracked it with better sleep but I am struggling to function on this broken sleep partner is going through it too we both up all night trying to settle him. He is at work during day and I go back to work January dreading it because in my job I need to concentrate a lot and I worry how I will cope I am having terrible symptoms of sleep deprivation because of being so run down. I recently had a lymph node infection and have itchy scalp thin hair I am also walking into things as I am so tired

Any help would be much appreciated

I do have MIl and DM but they live one hour away and only visit to see baby in between his naps they do not offer any practical support with housework and watching him while he naps for me to nap .. they go home when he naps . I can't really rest during his naps as he often wakes up during his 2 hour one half way through and I have to rock pram. He can't self settle is rocked to sleep

[Newmumma83]

Is he teething? ... my little one never been amazing but when teething which is a lot these days is this unsettled ...

Hope it’s something that simple though he would sleep in his cot until recently little monkey 🐒 used to go to sleep fine but thinking it’s teething related ( I hope )

[Selfsettlingat3]

Does he sleep in your bed?

[bubs80]

He has 2 teeth which appeared a few weeks ago.. he dribbles quite a lot in the day but doesn't seem to be teething really at night more just that he wakes talking and then if you don't go to him he cries . He basically needs to keep being rocked back to sleep all night . I don't think I can face sleep training but it seems that's the only way ..

[bubs80]

Yes sleeps in our bed from about 1 or 3 ( whenever we absolutely cannot get him back off in the cot and have no choice )

[Bronnie2018]

@bubs80 how long has this been going on for?

It sounds very much like teething. Nighttime is the worst for them. Lying down there is more pain and nothing to distract them.

6 months is the key time when teething starts. Two teeth popping up could also mean two more about to pop as well.

It will pass. It is a tough phase! It will get better.

[Sorrybutyourewrong]

Just let him sleep in your bed. Easiest thing by far.

[welshweasel]

How does he get to sleep for naps and at bedtime? This is the key! Unless he self settles then every time he wakes up he will want whatever sleep aid he used at bedtime (milk/rocking/patting etc) to get back to sleep. You need to teach him how to self settle at the start of the night, then when he wakes overnight he’ll be able to put himself back to sleep.

[Selfsettlingat3]

If he sleeps in your bed then where you are going wrong is putting him in a cot.

[Winterdaysarehere]

Is he awake when you initially put him to bed? This is the key.
I did a sleep programme via my GP.

[limitedscreentime]

Mine have been through the same - regular wake ups until I go to bed and then they co sleep. Might wake once or twice after that but go back easily. I gave up and just went to bed with them. Now they both sleep until about midnight, then wake and get in our bed and don't wake again.

[Confusedbeetle]

There is too much vocabulary and labelling about "sleep training". You can call it what you want but really this is going to be a slow process of your little one learning helathy sleep patterns. Sleep deprivation is bad for you all. Good habits start at about 4 months, You will have to go back to basics and I really think you will need to find someone to coach you all through it. This needs to be a person who will work closely with you and your partner who will understand you well and how you relate to each other, practices principles and what matters to you. This cannot be done in a forum. There are lots od different approaches so you need to find the one that works for you. I would suggest you avoid any hard line "training". You do not need to spend any money. Many Health Visitors are specially trained and expert. Talk to your health visitor to ask her if she has th skills, or could point you to someone that has.

[bubs80]

For naps we rock him In the pram for a few minutes. For bed my partner rocks him on his chest / body. It doesn't work co sleeping because he is still waking up constantly and it is dangerous for me to sleep with him on top of me . I can't safely co sleep as just wakes up

[bubs80]

@Winterdaysarehere no he is asleep. If we were to just put him in cot awake he would just cry

[welshweasel]

So if you don’t want to co sleep and you want him to sleep better then you need to teach him to fall asleep without your help. There’s no other way.

[bubs80]

@welshweasel just no idea how to do it other than keep putting dummy in

[welshweasel]

Personally I’d ditch the dummy. Give bottle, put in cot awake, make sure room is properly dark. Give him a comforter if he uses one. Say night night and leave the room. Wait 2 minutes. If crying then go back in, reassure him and leave again. Wait 4 minutes. Repeat. Wait 8 minutes. We did this at 7.5 months (taking dummy away as well). First night it took 40 minutes for him to settle, after that 5 minutes max.

[bubs80]

@welshweasel will give it a go we did try control crying and it was a disaster and made us all upset. He doesn't have a comforter but I could introduce one.

[welshweasel]

It is upsetting but you have to think long term. Poor sleep is detrimental to his development, detrimental to your health and once everyone is sleeping better you will reap the rewards. I would say though, that you have to be fully committed. There’s no point doing it and giving up after half an hour, that will make the problem worse.

[bubs80]

@welshweasel yes we gave up after about 30 minutes . Would you recommend picking up when you go back in or just saying shh

[welshweasel]

No. Once in the cot they stay in the cot. Say night night, place a hand on them to calm down but don’t pick them up.

[bubs80]

Ok thank you so you think my routine sounds ok otherwise?

[welshweasel]

Yes sounds great.

[paz479]

Hi. Unfortunately I can't help but I have gone through pretty much the same thing, everyone said teething but I think it was separation anxiety or just another bluddy phase!! It lasted about two and a half weeks. Things can still be a little rocky, but we've gone back to mostly just the one wake up! Hope it gets better for you soon!! I couldn't bare the crying, so would constantly just pick up put down pick up put down. I did try leave each time a little longer