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Does co-sleeping keep other working parents awake? Any suggestions?

(21 Posts)
kpr Wed 08-Aug-07 16:13:00

Lovely to read here that other people are doing co-sleeping without having fully intended to. We had been doing the same, from 3 months or so, as our baby started at that age to wake up every 2 hours from 2am.

We are trying to stop co-sleeping as partner can not sleep well with our now 8m old in bed, and can't do his work properly in the day.

But our son is still in our room, and still disturbs dp by waking up lots between 2 and 7am. I am still bfg, and he usually feeds when he wakes.

Partner and others suggest formula at night or dummy during night to keep baby asleep, but I don't want to do either of these. Has anyone found another way to help baby sleep through? He has 8 teeth already and may be getting more.

maisemor Wed 08-Aug-07 16:27:33

We have never "encouraged" co-sleeping. I am the type that is scared stiff that one of us would roll on top of the baby.

However, I have never kicked either of our children out of our bed if they came in during the night after we had all gone to bed. This seems to work fine. Most nights I have my son coming in between 4.00 and 6.00. A few nights my daughter comes in, but that is very, very seldom.

I used to find it very hard to sleep with them there, but have actually gotten used to it. It is quite nice with a morning back rub from my son's feet .

hunkermunker Wed 08-Aug-07 16:35:41

Can your DP sleep in another room for a couple of nights a week? Formula may well not help at all - no point introducing it if you're happy with the bf relationship you have. Dummy might help, but there's no guarantee an 8mo would take one.

When he wakes, do you turn lights on or sit up to feed? Does your DS cry? Is your DP a light sleeper? Could he wear earplugs, maybe?

lailasmum Wed 08-Aug-07 16:39:40

Maybe your son is going to bed too early. My daughter only sleeps about 9 hrs a night and I know if she goes to sleep before 9pm she will be up at 4 am . I know my brother only slept about 5 hrs a night as a baby and still does now.

longlady Sun 12-Aug-07 15:43:16

I have co-slept with our lo since birth (now 4 months)but my partner sleeps some nights on the couch, to catch up if we have a bad night, or if he's got a big day the next day. When with us he wears ear plugs (but swears babies' grunts cut straight through them!) In most other cultures, where co-sleeping is the norm (as it was in ours until the victorians buggered it up by introducing cots), there are far fewer what we call 'sleeping disorders' so hopefully our co-sleeping babies will grow up used to sharing bedspace with others and be able to slip deeply in and out of sleep and wake up refreshed despite others noises or movements! I think it really helps to be flexible about all of this. I was also dead against dummy but once or twice a week find and do find it useful on occasion. Sorry I don't have any advice about to get him to sleep through but I salute your resistance to formula and hope things work out well for you.x

chocolatemummy Sun 12-Aug-07 15:47:19

I found that I was co-sleeeping for the whole frst year because we both worked and if we put her in her won room she just kept waking up and she sept much better in with us so it was a matter of survival, she nw sleeps in her own ber no problem, ofetn likes to go to sleep in our bed but will happily go into her won when we want to go to bed- I think if you and your partner can cope with it-we ended up getting a bigger bed it doesnt do much harm

chocolatemummy Sun 12-Aug-07 15:47:59

sorry about all th type errors

evenhope Sun 12-Aug-07 16:55:06

I'm co-sleeping with my DD (almost 5 months) but DH sleeps on the settee because I couldn't trust him not to roll on her.

rohansmum33 Tue 21-Aug-07 05:03:09

I'm new to mumsnet and looking for some support with other co-sleeping parents.

rb has been with us in the bed since birth (almost 5 months). we love having him in the bed and he loves being with us but some nights he is so unsettled. he wiggles around a lot between 1 am and 5 a.m and my sleep is so disturbed. not sure what to do as the thought of putting him in a cot is really unappealing. but so is the thought of disturbed sleep for the months to come.

eny thoughts out there

puddlejumper Tue 21-Aug-07 07:16:38

I sympathise with these posts having just spent an entire night with a very restless dd in my bed! She is not usually so bad (teething, I think).

We co-slept with ds for 2 years and now dd is in with us. We didn't fancy the idea of moving ds from our bed into a cot, so we bypassed it altogether. This may not be a solution that suits many people, but we actually put our mattress on the floor (like a futon!) and bought a little mattress for ds that we put next to ours.

He is now happily in his own big bed in his own room. And we are about to start moving dd over onto her own mattress (on the floor) next to our bed. We are probably a bit nuts, but we have never used cots.

numptysmummy Tue 21-Aug-07 08:04:13

Dd who is 1 ends up in our bed every night at about 1 and feeds every couple of hrs too. Last night we had junior gymnastics on my head,fingers in nose,raspberries blown etc etc etc. My dh mostly sleeps through (i bed share with him too,lol).She'll be going in her own rm as soon as it's ready and going cold turkey. Really hard but i know from experience that it only takes a couple of nights.(Ds was 16mths when he went in his own rm and slept thru from the second night). My 1st two children came into bed when they woke for a feed and stayed there but both slept thru from 8 wks. I guess it's not so much what you do but the fact that all babies are different.

ImBarryScott Tue 21-Aug-07 08:30:06

Rohansmum (and others!)

Our DD is 5 months and doesn't sleep well. however she is quite possibly worse when in our bed. Our solution has been to get a bedside cot. This has a side missing, and you line it up next to your own bed. this helps enormously, as we all have our own space, but DD remains within arms' reach, so I can resettle her without opening my eyes, never mind getting out of bed!

Baffy Tue 21-Aug-07 08:35:35

Bedside cot is a great idea, and if not what are the chances of getting a bigger bed?! May sound stupid, (and extravagent!) but if it's a possibility then I'd go for it.

We have always co-slept and it was awful until we got a bigger bed. We now have a bed rail on the side (plastic/mesh type thing that has padding on), so ds sleeps next to me, (bed rail stops him from falling out!), I'm in the middle, and H was on the other side. So H managed to get a good sleep... worked for us!

numptysmummy Tue 21-Aug-07 08:41:57

Exactly the same as us Baffy. Usually works a treat. I think she's teething at the moment. Def cheaper than a bedside cot and it also means they are used to it when they go into their own bed. Ds2 went from our bed to his own bed at 17mths with ni problems at all.

rohansmum33 Tue 21-Aug-07 23:56:05

Thanks for encouraging words and advice.

We have a king size bed which we bought in anticipation of rb sleeping with us. I also got a baby hammock last week but haven't tried it in the bedroom. Idea is similar to bed side cot - keep him close enough to touch through the night but allow us each to have our own space.

I'm feeling encouraged now and will try the hammock tonight - which means letting go having him snuggled right up to me.

None of the other mums in my mothers group co-sleep so it is wonderful to hear stories from other mums doing it.

Twinklemegan Tue 21-Aug-07 23:58:17

Oh I loved having the bedside cot. It makes me weepy thinking back to that time with DS beside me.

slim22 Wed 22-Aug-07 03:17:30

Hi, don''t gget me wrong but have you asked your DH how he feels about co sleeping?
Don't want to start an argument here.
DS slept in our bed, in a moses basket next to our bed while I was BF.
At 6 months went to his bed because I thought he did not really need the BF. I was the one who was being retentive wanting him next to me and encouraging the night feeds somehow.
Once again I repeat, do not to offend or create a discussion, please just let the OP answer.
I found that often husbands/partners just go along but what they rreally want is their wife back in their bed and the babies end up sleeping through the night when in their own room. Maybe 8 months is a good time to start that?

Our DS is now 3.5 and we still cosleep occasionally at weekends. It's lovely. Sometimes, he'll just come into our bed for a story and he'll fall asleep there and we'll take him to his bed for the night.

Putting him in his bed and getting some intimacy and sleep is not the end of it. You can still cuddle up but if you don't teach him know about his room/your room, you might find it's much harder to do when he can crawl/walk back to your room.

good luck

bluetop Wed 22-Aug-07 03:44:39

This thread is interesting for me as I have been co-sleeping from the start and ds is now nearly 9 months. It is really lovely and in my heart I don't think I can let go of it yet, but I found one night when we left him in his cot after we went to bed, that the intimacy between me and dh improved! And it felt nice to have the bed to ourselves. So I decided to try to keep ds in the cot all night - I tried for 3 nights and completely failed, as he would not settle for 3 hours in the middle of the night, until last night I gave in and brought him back into bed. We both slept much better. So I think he is staying cosleeping with us now for longer! I might try again when he is one, as I'm wondering if its about separation anxiety at this age. He also feeds through the night between 3 and 8 times, and I thought that might lessen if I kept him in the cot but it didn't. I don't know - its all so tricky! I think it is true that all babies are different though, and you just have to follow what feels right for you and your lo.

slim22 Wed 22-Aug-07 04:20:49

exactly, nobody but you know what works for you.

However, sleep adjustments (I just can't use the word "training" but that's what I mean) requires persistence.
So when you decide it's time to switch to own room, be prepared to spend a week or two in the process and to this date, I've not heard of a better method than "controlled" crying.

good sleep!

rohansmum33 Thu 23-Aug-07 01:34:34

didnt try baby hammock last night. scared to make changes. we had a pretty good night though - lots of kicking in the ribs in the early hours. caught between not wanting to let go having little bab in bed n wishing i had the courage to try something new ... like having a good nights sleep

gingerninja Fri 24-Aug-07 13:44:28

Bed rail.

We got one and it revolutionised our co-sleeping because DH was no longer banished to the spare room. he didn't like sleeping next to DD and this was the answer for us. She slept on the outside, then me, then him. Perfecto (until she started trying to escape out of the bed but that's another story)

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