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Boob snooze day and night

(33 Posts)
Amelino19 Sat 24-Aug-19 19:46:29

My dd is 3 months. When she was born we were fighting with colic and only recently I can say it’s gone. Since then she started to nap more regularly. She had two or three 45min and one 2h nap during the day and was sleeping from 7pm to 6-7am during the night. I know it sound brilliant the only issue is that she sleeps and nurse at the same time. I’ve started feeding her lying down when she had a colic because I was exhausted and she was swallowing to much air but now I’ve been told by the hv that I can’t feed her lying down because she thinks my dd is not capable of feeding when I’m sitting ( I can feed her when I’m sitting or even standing although she is not a big fan of thatsmile). So now my baby is sleep deprived because she is now to heavy to sleep on my arm and is constantly waking up when I put her down. I’m lost. Is the boob snooze really bad? I was going to try different way once she is 4 months but now I just want to regenerate. The worst thing is that my dp blindly believe in everything what hv says. He only sees dd twice a week because he works long hours and it is me taking care of her all the time but still my mother instincts is not important. If the boob snooze is bad have you got any advice on how to stop it and not go crazy.

Oct18mummy Mon 26-Aug-19 18:51:22

*ask

Oct18mummy Mon 26-Aug-19 18:51:00

I’ve had a bonkers health visitor who told me I was over feeding my ebf baby. With my second baby I knew I would not stand for their nonsense and luckily this time haven’t run into any condescending bullies.

I would for her managers details and ask the manager if this is the advice she would give you - I guarantee it is not.

FYI- my baby hates his car seat and his pram and I breast feed lying down.

This cannot be helping with your anxiety and they should not be forcing these stupid opinions on you.

Russell19 Mon 26-Aug-19 18:46:36

I honestly wouldn't go if I was you.

But in a nice way (without sounding like your HV) you really do need to find a way to feed her when you are out. What about expressing?

Cobblersandhogwash Mon 26-Aug-19 18:24:21

Sorry. Just reread your post.

So now she doesn't mind if you don't attend the group?

Have you thought about taking this further with her superior?

Cobblersandhogwash Mon 26-Aug-19 18:22:47

Your HV sounds difficult.

She's now giving you a different opinion.

Why is she checking up on you so tightly?

Why does she think you have to attend this group?

You don't. She doesn't get to dictate to you where you and your baby go and when.

Amelino19 Mon 26-Aug-19 18:17:19

I don’t get my hv. So basically I’ve said that I don’t have an issue feeding her while sitting and I can feed her even when I’m standing and her respond was ‘that is an amazing improvement’. But she also said that it is fine feeding her lying down and it is fine that I co-sleep with her as I have to do what is best for us. She also said that if I could only go to breastfeeding group for 10min so my dd won’t be too upset and build from that to get her use to that would be great but if I won’t go it will be fine. I feel like I had completely different hv today. But she also said that she will pop in to the group tomorrow to see how it goes and phone me on Friday so somehow I’m still on the leash.
I always feed my dd before we go out and was never for so long that she would need to be fed. Because she is quite a ‘scream queen’ we only managed to go out for an hour the most at one go. Once she will get better I’ll need to think how to feed her in public.

Russell19 Mon 26-Aug-19 17:50:13

I think you need to just smile and nod at the health visitor. You've obviously been very open with her but she's used that against you. What do you do to feed your baby when you are out then?

Hope today went ok??

TapDanceJazzHands Mon 26-Aug-19 14:09:37

I’m now closely monitored and have to go to this bf group.

You almost certainly do not have to go. It sounds like it's going to be worse for your mental health than staying at home.

I urge you to continue doing what your instincts tell you to! It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job!

I'd also recommend joining the Gentle Parenting Facebook group. It's full of parents doing things a similar way to you. I've found it really supportive as my baby has grown too.

Amelino19 Mon 26-Aug-19 13:57:27

@missanony I’m going to try eat-play-sleep once all my family is gone. They came to visit my dd so I wanted to keep her happy. I know how hard it is to stop the habit but for now it wasn’t as bad. I was well rested.

@Kdubs1981 I’ve read a lot about attachment parenting and it looks like this is what I’m doing now. Unfortunately everyone around me thinks that I’m spoiling the baby and even showing the scientific research results does not help. I was told stop reading this crap online.

@titnomatani my baby is a nightmare lol 😂 it’s good that she is smiling without it I would go insanesmile

@LauraPalmersBodybag my dp has said that he doesn’t need to read stuff as he trust professionals. Somehow he has an issue to trust my motherly instinct. If that one won’t change we might just split up as we will argue about it all the time.

@Russell19 yes, this is what my hv was saying. However, she knows that I’m not confident feeding in public anyway and position has nothing to do with this. We are still out everyday but we would rather go for woodland walk that shopping centre one. No one can hear her screaming in the woods 😁

Russell19 Mon 26-Aug-19 10:18:27

Oh OP, I really feel for you. Your health visitor sounds like a bully. When she comes round today if I was you I'd say you are not showing her....you do not have to.

So I'm taking it as she is saying that because you only feed lying down that means you are confining yourself to the house??

LauraPalmersBodybag Sun 25-Aug-19 22:18:04

Sorry to hear you’ve had such shit advice op. I’d strongly advise you ask for another HV. There can be such a difference- I’ve had really supportive, well informed ones (where can blatantly see that their advice is supported by the NHS and other evidence based studies and organisations) and I’ve had some that have shown up at my house proffering wildly outdated, and I assume personal, opinions. Yours seems to be offering the latter.

Look to La Leche League, Kellymom and trainer breastfeeding counsellors for accurate bf info and try not to listen to this woman. Your dp needs to look at some factual info and not just blindly listen to the HV also.

Also - a tiny baby doesn’t need socialising. What bullshit. She needs to be clean, fed, nurtured and with her family. The rest will follow in time. Hang in there.

missanony Sun 25-Aug-19 22:11:11

It does help to get into a eat-play-sleep cycle rather than a play-eat-sleep cycle just to minimise the 4 month regression and get into good/independent habits.

titnomatani Sun 25-Aug-19 22:05:06

Sorry, not that I'm saying your baby is a nightmare. Just that being in a situation with a constantly crying baby and having anxiety is something I'd never wish on anyone thanks

titnomatani Sun 25-Aug-19 22:03:04

OP my baby was a nightmare too- colic and silent reflux, highly strung, cried at everything for the first 4 months. I only fed lying down because my back was mashed after having an epidural and do you know what, 11 months on and we're still at it. Do what feels right for you. Oh, and I had crippling anxiety, made worse because baby hated the car seat, pushchair and being taken to groups- I constantly felt on edge. Although I persisted with the baby groups (more for my own sanity), the thought of going out and having a screaming baby on the way to my destination used to give me cold sweats and I always almost never made it out of the door! It does get easier- I promise. My baby seemed to have a personality transplant after the 4 month sleep regression and although he's still a nightmare sleeper, a lot of other things have improved. I now enjoy being around him whereas the the first couple of months I would wonder what I'd done to bring a baby into the world :/

Kdubs1981 Sun 25-Aug-19 21:37:05

Right, ok, we have new information here. Your HV is deeply unhelpful. My suggestion would be to ask for a different one. You do not need to go to baby groups to be a good mum. They can be helpful in terms of getting out if you are a tad isolated (easy to happen being at home with a new baby). BUT not if going to these things makes you more anxious - it might be that this and the HV are making you more anxious, this is impacting in both you and baby at thee times, making feeding difficult. So actually the "problem" the HV is seeing is of her own making.

Do not be worried. They will not take your baby if you don't go to these groups. This is blackmail and utterly ridiculous.

I'm so sorry it's so hard, my boy was exactly same re pram and car. It DOES get better. A sling was a life saver for me. Some are better than others. I found going to a sling library and getting advice, trying different ones to find one he liked helped.

My advice- get support where you can, but only if it's helpful and makes you feel better. I found groups/people with attachment patenting helpful, not to say you will too.

Good luck. It gets better

Amelino19 Sun 25-Aug-19 21:08:19

The hv is coming to check on me and baby tomorrow to see if she can feed while I sit. I’m terrified that the baby will not be in a good mood and she will find something new and force me to do something that I don’t want (again).Feeding position was never an issue. Hv said that she is worrying about my mental health because I’m not going with my dd to any baby groups but by forcing feeding positions and those groups she makes me feel even worse. Before I was only anxious to go out with her into public as she is a great screamersmile but I still go out with her everyday. I’m now even able to do quick grocery shopping with her but i’ve started to think that I’m bad mother. My baby is clean, well fed and happy. We cuddle and play all the time. If I wouldn’t attend this breastfeeding group nothing would happened and I could just do what I was doing. My dp has never had any issues before until the last hv visit. Oh and I forgot to mention that hv said that my dd has a reflux because she as hv wasn’t able to put her to sleep so there must be an issue with my dd (she was well overstimulated and didn’t want to me held the way that hv was doing it).Anyway now I’m just on the stage that I’ll just be saying that everything is ok to my dp and hv. My dp sees my dd only twice a week because of long working hours but we were on the phone all the time and I was telling him about bad and good stuff now I’ll just say the good stuff so they can leave me alone so I can do what makes my baby happy. That is the price for not trusting the mothersmile obviously if something will be wrong with my baby I’ll look for help

jaynelovesagathachristie Sun 25-Aug-19 17:18:29

My kids loved the car seat, my friends kids same she hated it and screamed blue murder. Your HV needs to be ignored. My ds2 had v bad colic lactose related until 7m. My first struggled to latch unless I laid down for first 2 months every 2 hours so I couldn't go anywhere. We also pissed off a lot of nurses by using a nipple shield until he was 4 months. But I argued he was happy gaining weight v v well and he bf without the shield not laid down from 4m until 14m. So trust yourself, 3m is still very young in my book.

burritofan Sun 25-Aug-19 15:41:09

Just by the by, you don't "have" to do anything least of all whatever bollocks the health visitor tells you. You don't have to go to groups or feed standing on your head or have a bedtime routine or whatever.

If your baby is feeding, gaining weight, sleeping enough so you sleep enough, and you're happy with what you're doing, crack on. The baby will do something different soon enough. The health visitor will continue to be a crackpot loon forever.

Jesse70 Sun 25-Aug-19 08:33:15

The first few months of feeding is so hard I know it was for me.there would be nights where DC would not let go but I found out they were just trying to get the milk supply up I was so worried I wasn't producing enough milk for them ! No one really prepares you for what it's like as everyone has different issues.

Cobblersandhogwash Sun 25-Aug-19 08:28:17

She won't hate the car or pram forever.

I really feel for you because I feel like you're being spun a lot of horseshit at a time in your life when you're possibly not very confident.

Keep posting.

Jesse70 Sun 25-Aug-19 08:28:06

Hi my baby now 2 was a boob sleeper although the midwives advised me to lie down and feed her when she was born in the hospital so I don't know where this advice u have been given has come from.
I found it really frustrating as I would be stuck with them in my boob he whole day lol
I used a wrap and didn't look back baby was so easy to settle in one I just had to walk around for a bit or bounce on my ball
So I would feed then straight in the wrap meant they could sleep and I could get housework done and cooking sorted.
I would defo recommend trying a wrap
To settle them also my sister was able to watch them for a couple of hours by just putting them in the wrap. I remember going to do my shopping and worrying as it was the first time I had left them and she had slept the whole time lol

Cobblersandhogwash Sun 25-Aug-19 08:26:22

Who the hell told you you've made your 3 month old baby antisocial?

This is almost hilarious.

Are you surrounded by morons?

Or bullies?

All your baby needs is you right now. And milk. And hugs.

That's it.

You're clearly are attending to her needs very well.

Do what you want to do. Socialise if you want to. Lie low if you prefer.

AnnaBegins Sun 25-Aug-19 08:18:24

I don't know what to say to that, that's such a horrible situation. It's normal for some babies to dislike the car seat! And bf groups are usually only an hour or so, so most babies won't just obligingly need a feed in that time so it can't be unusual to see a baby fussing at the breast. I think you are right to comply with them for now but I really feel for you. Is baby maybe happier in the car seat in the front seat with airbag turned off so they can see you?

Amelino19 Sun 25-Aug-19 06:35:12

@AnnaBegins it actually started with breastfeeding group. I went there because I was told by hv that I have to go out with baby to see people. I’ve got a bit of anxiety going out with her because he hates pram and car seat and she screams her face off and needs to be in a really good mood to be in a sling but if I would hold her just in my hand she would be happiest baby ever. Anyway, I still go out with her but not to baby groups and it was my first time. I had to drive there so before we actually mange to get there she was really upset. I went there and she managed to last 10-15 min and started to cry so I tried to feed her but she was so upset that she didn’t want to latch so we left early. I left the room and she stopped crying so I think she was just overwhelmed but that was reported to my hv that she doesn’t latch. I was also told that I made my 3 month screaming baby antisocial. I’m now closely monitored and have to go to this bf group. I agreed to speak with mental health team about my anxiety but I don’t think forcing stuff on me is helping. On the other hand I’m scared that if I won’t do exactly what they want they will take my baby away. My instinct is telling me that I’m doing right and I’ve got happy smiling baby but I’m so lost because of what is happening around me.

Surfskatefamily Sat 24-Aug-19 21:55:13

I fed lying down plenty at the beginning. Very handy to be able to gently roll away and leave baby to sleep rather than the dreaded putting down out of your arms.
Hv telling nonsense.
I'm still breastfeeding my 17month old and it's not caused us an issue. Hes sleeping like a little angel in his proper floor bed now.
Unless dh grows boobs he's gonna have to follow your lead on the breastfeeding

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