9 week old not sleeping - overtired, sleep deprived?? - losing the will!

[Kat85B]

I have a 9 week old little girl.
We've never had much of a routine with her and she has slept all over the place for naps and when she was younger, she would end up in or bed or sleeping on me. Maybe she's got into bad habits already?!
We co-sleep at the moment.

I feel we are in an overtired cycle, she use to sleep more than 45 minutes at a time in the day but now she will only take short naps and the most I can fit in a day is around 4, she's only getting about 3 hours day time sleep.
I look for her tired cues and try and not let her have longer than 1 hour active time including feeding (she is breastfeed and feeding can be temperamental as I have a fast let-down) but she is taking 30 minutes plus to get down so by the time she's asleep she's normally been awake for nearly 2 hours. I sing a song, swaddle her, make sure the room is dark and try and get her drowsy before putting down or she goes down asleep.
I try and do an eat, active sleep routine.

If I could see day where she was having less sleep in the past I'd carry hr in a sling and she would sleep a longer nap but even now she doesn't sleep much in there either and I also didn't want to get into bad habits so I've been trying to put her down in the co-sleeper for all of her sleeping.

She wakes around 6:45/7 which has been consistent. Bed time was around 8:30/9, I have tried to move it forward to 7/7:30 yesterday and today but she is taking so long to go to sleep. Yesterday she cried for 3 hours and today 4 hours before she when down to sleep
At night she can sleep around 4-5 hours straight and after that it's pot luck what we will get!

I just feel very drained and a little unsupported. My partner thinks that I look too much on the internet about what could be going on with her and he doesn't see her not sleeping as a problem or anything wrong with her. She seems happy enough but by 4pm is looking pretty grumpy and tired and of course she is crying alot in the evening
My MIL also thinks she's fine, quoting that her son never slept and doesn't see that she shouldn't be up all day!

My partner also says to me that I need to stress less as it will affect the baby and of course I'm aware of this but it's easy said than done when you have little sleep.
Any words of support, tips to keep me insane would be welcome!

[M0reGinPlease]

Firstly, you're not creating any bad habits so get that out of your head. Your baby is tiny.

I wouldn't overly worry about the daytime sleep and at that age just let her nap as and when. If she falls asleep after a feed, just put her down / let her nap. You don't need a huge routine for naps.

What's your bedtime routine? Why's it taking her so long to fall asleep at night?

[Cuddlysnowleopard]

Sympathy from me

You say that she was going down okay at 9.30pm? My eldest would not settle until 10pm for the first 6 months, and then pulled his bedtime back to 7pm by himself. Maybe let that one go for now?

As for naps, again, neither of mine fell into any sort of routine until around 4 months, and then had 3 naps per day - short naps at 9am and 5pm, and a longer nap during the middle of the day.

I think maybe she still just a bit young?

(It does get easier, even though it's a killer at this age).

[Middlrm]

My little guy was similar his bedtime was naturally more 10:30pm at that age ... maybe your trying to get her to sleep to early for the night?

He had short naps a d took about 2 hours for feed and settle in the night ( which meant no sleep ) but I didn’t produce milk so husband could share the load a little and do some of the night otherwise I wouldn’t have coped.

I eventually figured out how to battle him to sleep as he was over tired and that caused some of the issues.

But mostly the feed cycle took so long by the time he was sorted he was hungry again and it began again

Wind was a huge issue infracol helped massively ... as tummy pain also kept him up ... didn’t realise for ages ... it was masked by reflux but I think the wind made that worse

It does get better it’s just different with every baby if anyone can come round and hold the baby after a feed to let you sleep welcome it... a few hours or even half an hour makes the world a better place ... my pride didn’t let me at first but when i relented best thing ever x and you will be better at observation and problem solving x it’s so hard at this stage x x

[ThinkingAboutRL]

Want @cuddlysnowleopard said, at this age a lot of babies go to sleep late, about 10pm and definitely do not have the developmental skills to understand routine. They sleep and eat based on need. Mine went to bed at 10pm till about 6 months and then moved to 7pm by themselves too. I can’t even remember naps and other times as I just followed her lead. She only ever slept for 2-3 hour stretches until about 10 months though and never napped longer than an hour usually 40mins. She’s a happy and healthy 3 year old who sleeps through most nights and has done consistently since 11 months or so.

Now we’re stuck on a 7pm bedtime I miss the ability to go to restaurants and take her with us knowing she didn’t sleep till 10!

[Amara123]

In my experience it is way too early to have a routine at this stage. My little one went through the same kind of phase at that age. You are in peak colic weeks and my little one never went to sleep at night earlier than 10.30, usually after a few hours of cluster feeding and crying.
It does get better, but not because of anything you do, but because they grow and develop the ability to sleep. At this time prioritise doing whatever it takes for you to get some sleep (co- sleeping etc) and go with the flow.

[Pippinsqueak]

Wow sounds exactly like my ten week old except I'm not a lucky for the 4/5 hr sleep at the start. I'm a lucky if it's 2-3! Can't really give any advice as I'm going through it at moment and looking for answers but just to let you know you are not alone.

[gluteustothemaximus]

Way too early for a routine. Plus 3 hours crying doesn't sound good.

9 weeks old, her cycles are every 45 minutes. My 3rd baby, literally woke every 45 minutes - 90 minutes for 2 and a half years.

At that age I just fed them downstairs and watched the TV. Then took up to bed when tired. They may have been up in the night feeding but getting to sleep never an issue.

[1Wanda1]

My 9 week old can be awake for 3 hours or more in the day before she will sleep. She tends to have a short nap of 45-60 minutes in the morning and a longer one of up to 3 hours later. I struggle to get her down for daytime.napa and she doesn't sleep well in the pram either. At night she goes to sleep by about 9, then wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. I'm exhausted!

[SoyDora]

My partner thinks that I look too much on the internet about what could be going on with her

I have to say I agree with him there. What’s going on with her is that she’s a very tiny baby with no concept of routine.
If you let her sleep on you in the daytime would she sleep longer?
My 12 week old had 4 x 40ish minute naps in the day too. From my first two I remember that the naps started to lengthen naturally around 5/6 months. One thing I’ve learned from my older children is to wait until after the 4 month sleep regression to worry about routines, as it all went to pot then anyway!

[Wallsbangers]

Your partner is right! The best advice I received was to stop googling. Your baby is tiny, she doesn't understand time so just attend to her needs.

Every one I know who tried that Easy routine found it to be rubbish btw.

[Pippinsqueak]

I also agree about looking at too much info. I did exactly the same thing and got myself in a right state as everyone's opinions were different, Internet was saying different things, even different health visitors couldn't stick to one narrative.

You know your baby best.

[Kat85B]

Thanks for all of the message. Feel not so along now and know I must stay positive.

Update from today: she had her first lot of vaccines this morning, took them like a champ . Seems ok so far, making sure she well hydrated. She also amazed us by sleeping 2hr 30mins swaddled up in her swing! Super proud of her and I even took a nap for the first time myself.