Bedsharing with your baby

[MBM18]

I’m a FTM and EBF my nearly 6 month old DD.

I used to always get up to do the night feeds and sit on the settee in the living room but around 4 months she started waking up for feeds more (which I now know was most probably the 4 month sleep regression but I didn’t know this at the time) and because I was so tired I started to feed her in bed with me and overtime now bed share with her every night (as safe as possible, I’ve read up on it). I’m happy to do this and we both sleep so much better, she sleeps for around 10-12 hours (mostly nearer 12 hours) and stirs in the night for a feed but doesn’t wake up fully.

Whilst some agree with it, I’ve been told all the usual never bring your baby into bed with you, I’m making a rod for my own back and I’ll never get her out.

I’m just wondering of other peoples experiences with bed sharing? How old were your baby’s when you started bed sharing and how old were they when you stopped? Is it really hard to get them to sleep on their own in their own cot/bed etc?

Thanks

[Mamanua]

I would be interested for a response on this also... My son is just turned five months and we have always taken him into bed when he wakes during the night so am concerned that this will just become a massive issue when we try moving him into his room soon! Is it better to go cold turkey before it gets any worse? I could always get up and nurse him I guess but to be honest it's always been the easier option to take him in beside me. It's like instant settling!

[Bumblybuzz]

I EBF and co-slept until DS was 9 months when I was starting to disturb his sleep with my tossing and turning. It wasn't hard to put him into a cot. I found it harder at age 2 when he complained mummy and daddy get to sleep in same room together so why can't he! Now he's almost age 3 and back to wanting to be by himself again because I wake him up. It kind of solved itself when I got flu and he got annoyed at me waking him with my coughing lol. They go through phases of wanting you, not wanting you. I think just go with the flow. They will be independent all too soon. I'm getting as much cuddles in as possible now!

At the end of the day, you need to do what you feel works for you and your baby regardless of other's opinions. From what you've described, your baby seems to be sleeping well and you are happy so just go with what makes you both happy.

[TheRhythmlessMan]

Watching with interest because I've been sleeping in the same bed as my DD 8 months every night in the spare room. I miss not sleeping with my husband but I just have no will power to settle her in the multiple wake ups we have at night.

But we all sleep petty well so I figure, stuff it! Let's just keep sleeping and at least we're all sane.

[Magpie1976]

Watching with interest. My 1 year old is still co sleeping every night altho DH doesn't like it and keeps insisting she move to her own room ( so far I've managed to persuade him but don't know for how much longer)

[ememem84]

The last 4 nights ds has slept on bed with me. He’s teething (canines I think) and is grouchy as fuck. Poor fella. It’s taken 2 hours to get him to sleep tonight. He’s on dhs side of the bed (pillows on the floor next to him in case he rolls...) and is now snoring his head off. He’s staying here.

I don’t like it as he’s a snorer and a wriggle. But sometimes it’s ok. If he needs the comfort it’s ok.

[TortoiseLettuce]

My nearly 1yo cosleeps with me. I couldn’t cope with the wake ups otherwise. I don’t have to get out of bed, just roll over and offer a boob. We’re currently sleeping on a mattress pushed up to a toddler bed, in the hope that he can be persuaded to sleep on the bed. But he won’t.

[maamalady]

DD1: coslept from 2 days old (aka 48 hours of almost no sleep). DH and I took turns to have her on our side of the bed (baby always next to the edge, not between parents), so each of us got a chance to sleep unrestricted for a bit. It worked really well, especially when we cracked feeding lying down - at that point I usually had her most of the time as night feeds were less of a disturbance. At six months old she went into a cot in her own room with not much fuss, though we did have to hand-hold, cuddle etc for some time. She was over two before we could leave the room while she was still awake.

DD2: coslept from the first moment she slept, I had her in my hospital bed with me when she was born. I had her on my side when we got home as DD1 was DH's responsibility overnight, but on particularly difficult occasions he would take her for a bit. She went into her own cot and room at about 7 months, with very little fuss. We could say goodnight and leave her awake from about 18 months.

Cosleeping was brilliant for our family, it gave us all maximum sleep, minimum disruption, helped with breastfeeding (with both I exclusively breastfed for 6 months, and continued feeding to 12 months). Cosleeping as babies definitely wasn't detrimental to my children sleeping in their own rooms when older.

[littlecloudling]

My little one occasionally comes into our bed. She is 4. I know that she won't always want to. I just snuggle her closer.

Ps. I breastfed successfully and we co slept. She was in her own cot and room from about 8 months and has always been good about bedtimes. Don't let anyone chastise you for being close to your child and co sleeping.

[Mumshappy]

I had a next to me crib but would never cosleep. Too paranoid. Ds 10 months is now in cot bed which he hated initially. He sleeps in a gro bag. Its just personal preference.

[LurkinMerkin]

Hello! Breastfed for a year here, coslept with my DD for as long as we needed, so initially almost the whole of every night, for the first few months, i didn’t see it happening and was initially so worried but it saved us both, and then after weaning, it was part of some nights, until i wanted to stop feeding at about 14 months. Free that things definitely settled down more ( my duh took over bed time and wake ups until she stopped waking to feed) My DD is a brilliant sleeper and prefers her own bed 95% of the time. She’s just turning 2 now and If she’s unwell or unsettled she may want to Cosy up, and I love it, but generally she does 7-7 in her own room. As long as baby is a healthy weight, and ideally, it’s safest if they are breastfed, is not near duvets or pillows, ( a Gro-bag is ideal) and mum doesn’t drink that evening or smoke at all, cosleeping is a lovely, nurturing and bonding thing to do. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I know it’s easy to say, but this time will fly by, so do what feels right for you and baby. Get rest together, boob, snuggle. Xx

[LLOE7]

My dh and I have bed shared with both of our dc from birth. My ds is 3.5 years and still sleeping in our bed, along with 4 month old dd. We have tried to encourage ds to sleep in his own bed but he isn't ready. I'm happy with it as I know it won't last forever and there will come a time he chooses to sleep in his own bed in his room, so I just go along with it, works for us.

[TheClitterati]

I did it with both dc. I also BF. It was lovely and worked very well for us.

[Gooseygoosey12345]

I bedshared with both. DD was in her own room and cot at 10months, DS is 18months and still in with me. We'll try and move him to his own bed soon as he's been a bit of a fidgety sleeper until now and settles best in the bed with me whereas DD got to the point where she slept best not being interrupted by me

[SecondTimeCharm]

i had a sidecar cot with DD1 but she still ended up in bed with me more times than not. she was in her own room at around 7 months but then we would co sleep in there when she was teething/having regression etc. it was the only way to get through and felt natural to me

DD2 i put straight into bed with me from day 1

[Biscusting]

Co slept with my dd1 from birth occasionally, when ill or teething, but she slept better in her own space.
dd2 co conslept from birth, but trotted off to her own bed at three.
I don’t mind them being in bed at all, and I think being relaxed about it helped, we just went with whatever made them feel secure.
They won’t want to be in your bed forever

[Reallyevilmuffin]

I was adamant we would never co sleep... Then one of the twins developed into an absolute Mardy nightmare if she wasn't in the bed with one of us and have done with her for like 3m. However even though a king bed won't have both of us and the baby in, and won't have her anywhere other than our now mattress on the floor bed for safety.

[harper30]

Did it from about 4 weeks to just over 6 months then DD went into her own room with pretty minimal fuss. Did it in two stages: cot mattress on the floor so I could still lie down and feed her to sleep like we did in my bed. Then after maybe 3 weeks of that, just went for it and put the cot itself back in her room and feed her to sleep in the chair then transfer to bed and it's been relatively straightforward! More so than I thought it would be. She sleeps much longer stretches in her own room than she did in with me. But I still sometimes cave if she wakes up for a feed in the earlyish hours and bring her to bed with me as I don't want to do multiple trips downstairs to settle her 😂 now it's a nice treat having her in with me instead of a pain in the neck that it became for me always having her in my space 24/7 xx

[JuniLoolaPalooza]

With my DD we bedshared from 7 months (when she outgrew the bednest/cosleeper - she didn't get on with the big cot) until she was 14 months. I wanted my own bedroom back (DP has his own room). We made her a floor bed and i went in there to feed her and slept with her to feed through the night. We cut out night feeds aged about 2.5 years.
She started sleeping through about 3 years old but now gets up in the night and goes in with DP. Not ideal, I think he should take her back in and get into her bed but I don't make the rules round here.

With DS we have bedshared from almost day 1. Now he is moving he goes down in his cot then comes in with me from the first wake up after I go to bed. I will probably do him a floor bed too and hoping to move sooner rather than later. I will have to go back to sharing a room with DP which I am dreading!

[MBM18]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It’s so nice to hear other people’s positive experiences. It sounds like she’ll just go in to her own bed when the time is right and she’s ready.

I saw a post on fb yesterday about things that are expected from babies but not adults which included the ability to sleep through the night without waking and it’s so true. Sleeping with her doesn’t bother me at all and feels so natural, it’s just a shame that it’s the negative things people say that really stick in your head and not the good things as much.

Thanks again everyone, I’ll just keep doing what works for us and feels right. Also, waking up to her big contagious smile every morning is just lovely

[TheRhythmlessMan]

That's so so true OP. Adults don't sleep through the night!
Enjoy the morning smiles I say.

[Loosemoose28]

9.5 months of bedsharing. No intention to stop. I like my sleep and that's how we get it. I have not got the energy to be leaning over cots at 2am.

[TickleMeEmo]

Our DS is 22 months, we started co-sleeping around the 4-5 month mark too. We always try to put him down in his own bed at the start of the night (unless he’s poorly or teething) but he still usually ends up in with us at some point in the night. He does sometimes also have a few weeks at a time where he quite happily stays in his own bed all night either self settling when he wakes or with me or DH giving him a wee pat or stroking his hair. So I’m confident he won’t be in with us forever...he just has some times where he sleeps easier with cuddles 🙂

[TheOrville]

8 years on and she still creeps in!

[Tinyteatime]

Co slept with dc1 when I needed to, she stared sleeping through around 8 months consistently. She went in her own cot with no issues.

[MBM18]

Can I ask what you guys do for naps during the day? DD has always slept on me after a breastfeed, unless we’re out then she’ll sleep in the car/pram. At first during the very sleepy newborn stage she’d sleep in her crib or moses basket etc but then she started to wake most times I tried putting her down. It’s only from last week I’ve been able to put her in the mamaRoo (electric bouncer) on the highest speed, shhh’ing and stroking her head to sleep.

Even when she’s in bed with us she loves being right next to me, pretty much completely touching with my hand resting on her stomach or legs a lot of the time.

I feel like if you read up on baby’s sleeping I’m doing all the ‘bad’ stuff but it’s just what feels most natural and she’s happiest with 😂

I suppose I’m just wondering if she’s so used to me being there while she sleeps, is that going to make it harder for her to go in her own cot/room eventually?