Where did I go wrong?

[suzi2]

DS, now 23 months, was an awful sleeper as a baby. He got better about 5 months and better again at 9 months. Since 15 months he's been great - 12 hours overnight and 1 or 2 naps a day.

I had always believed that I did lots of things 'wrong' with him. So when DD arrived I decided to not let it happen again. But she's even worse than he was! She's now 20 weeks and has gone from waking 2 or 3 times a night to waking every hour (or more!) for the last few weeks. She can not self settle at all. We spend ages bouncing her to sleep in her hammock each evening. Then the first time she wakes once I'm in bed, she comes in beside me. So I sleep very lightly. She's constantly overtired in the day but no matter what I do I can rarely get her to nap for more than 20 mins 2 or 3 times a day.

I did everything 'right' from the start. She didn't have a dummy (wouldn't take one until a couple of weeks ago, thank goodness she does now!), was put down awake for every sleep, we had a relaxing routine for bedtime (same as DSs), avoided overstimulation, avoided trying to let her get overtired. We have made nice associations with bedtime, given her comforters etc. But even at 2 days old when she fought sleep for 6 hours I should have known she was 'like that'. We

If I ask anyone for advice they say "stop bouncing/feeding her to sleep" but I have no other option. She has never managed on her own. And after 9 hours one night of letting her try and several hours other nights I don't think she can. Or I don't know how long it would take. She gets hysterical the minute you're not bouncing her and we're worried she'll disturb DS if it goes on too long. Walks or car journeys don't seem to have much magic either. Or if she does fall asleep the minute we stop moving she wakes. I even cut all caffiene (not that I took much) out of my diet for 2 weeks to see if it helped.

We've tried her in a cot, but she just can't settle. And nowadays she rolls straight onto her tummy, gets her legs jammed in the bars and then cries as she hates being on her tummy.

I'm really at a loss. Where did I go so wrong with both of them? I feel like such a failure. I'm knackered and just don't know what to try next. My realtionship with DH is definately strained as he's happy to bounce her to sleep for 2 hours every night and for me to do the night wakenings. And I'm not.

[whomovedmychocolate]

You are NOT a failure - kids are random behaving little buggers sometimes!

You also know that they get better when they get older and my DD is exactly the same - she's nearly nine months and she's starting to get better. I'm afraid sometimes you just have to wait it out and hope.

Sorry I don't think there are any magical answers apart from just carry on and try and get as much rest as you can during the day to help cope with it.

You can do everything wrong and have no problems and you can do everything right and still have problems. The trick really is to adopt an air of studied indifference and hopefully eventually the problem goes away!

[LoveAngel]

I also don't think you have 'done anything wrong'. Babies are indeed 'random' as a previous poster said. Keep going with the relaxing bedtime routines and don't be so hard on yourself.

I also agree that catching up on rest & relaxation WHENEVER you can and actively trying NOT to think/stress about the 'problem' will do you a lot of good.

xx

[xxoddball]

Hi there
If you have tried this i am sorry for repeating myself.
What about a gro bag or swaddling.
My DD was a prem and this worked wonders with her?
Hope you get some rest soon

[gillhowe]

There seems to be a whole industry around making parents feel guilty about how their babies sleep, some babies sleep really badly. How your babies sleep is not your fault. Plus maybe babies just aren't designed to self settle.

This is of limited comfort when you're up every hour! I've just been to see DS for the third time since he went down 2 hours ago....

Good luck, hopefully time will help. Dr Sears' book made me feel better!

[suzi2]

Thanks everyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone and I think I'm stressing over it far too much.

She was brilliant last night. Went down with a bit of a battle for an hour or two, but then woke only once at 2:30. She was awake a while but actually settled back in her hammock which is unheard of. And then woke at 8am.

So next question, "Where did I go right?" as I can NOT work her out lol.