Supernannys door shutting technique

[zombiemum123]

Ok so I feel like I have exhausted all other options, the story is my ds 2.3yo has up until recently been a fantastic sleep, along comes ds2 12 weeks ago and it’s gone down the shitter quite quickly he’s a nightmare to get to sleep and wakes up every night , basically he wants us to stay in his room all night, we have up until tonight been sleeping on a blowup bed in his room- not ideal but also very difficult with ds2 and dh working. So I have sort of done a variation of it tonight- and it’s worked better then anything else! Has anyone done it and can explain it a bit better to me? Any success stories would be great!

[zombiemum123]

Essentially I think the problem began when ds2 came along I felt sorry for ds1 and let him get away with murder and he’s at the age where he is testing me allllll the time

[Starface]

Hi there. No experience with the door shutting technique as such, but had a quick Google. With all these things it's about making a parenting decision that is going to be safe and practicable, that the child can tolerate and respond to, whilst recognising the underlying emotional drivers and addressing those. If this achieves the necessary sleep aims in a safe way, that is very important. I think you are totally right to link the issues with the birth of your second son. I'd be coupling the door shutting (or whichever sleep training you find works) with lots of individual day time attention and reassurance. He needs to find his safety and security in the newly aligned family. I like that the door shutting itself is short lived so the door is then open and it doesn't feel totally rejecting, or that his emotional needs are ignored.

[zombiemum123]

Door shutting actually turned into rapid return- he was just getting so upset and saying he was scared - I’m not soft but it was horrible, so every time he got out of bed I put him back in took 2 hours, in the end he was laying in bed And crying, I asked if he wanted milk which he did and made it clear that I’d leave him with his milk to go to sleep, he then slept... don’t know if I’m doing the right thing but I am going to stick with rapid return and hope for the best! Ohhh I wish we could go back to the days of “night night love you” and close the door

[albazavi]

We have just been through similar, Just a couple of weeks further in.

DS1 has always been a rubbish sleeper and had to be sat with to go to sleep since his little brother arrived ed 16 weeks ago. He's also 2.5.

We tried rapid return/ door shutting a few weeks ago. We have in about midnight as he thought it was a game.

We tried again last night now the hot weather is over. Properly explained it to him again, added a night light and cuddly toy. It only took half an hour of rapid return and he slept!

It might be worth waiting a few weeks and trying again? It really made a difference for him to understand what was happening.

[zombiemum123]

That’s good to hear a positive story!!! I think he finally did get it in the end so I feel like I want to persevere for at least tonight.. when you lo was doing t did they follow you out of the room immediately? My little one does and I get to my room turn round and take him back...

[albazavi]

Well see what tonight holds. We started sitting at the bottom of the stairs (he's on the third floor in a loft type bedroom with stair gate at the top of the stairs).

But he thought that was rather fun. Run to stairs; shout 'daddy'; as soon as daddy appears run back into bed.

Once we sat outside his room and took him straight back in he gave up and went to sleep.

We were impressed how quickly he did it- but he's much readier now- much more used to his brother, articulate, understanding more and had a new bed a couple of weeks ago.

Determined to do it before his brother inevitably hits the 4 month regression.

2 hours isn't bad. We have in after 5 when we tried it before. No communication was key for us.

[UnaOfStormhold]

I really wouldn't recommend sleep training just now - your older child is going through massive changes and is almost certainly feeling pushed out by his sibling and desperately anxious that you don't love him any more. I know it's tough but I think anything that makes you less accessible or responsive will make the situation worse. If at all possible I'd try to give him some focused one on one time, have lots of affectionate physical play (I like to play a game where I chase after DS for cuddles, let him wriggle away, then repeat until we're both laughing). Maybe read some books with him that are about the arrival of a new sibling to help him process the emotions. I suspect that once he feels more secure he'll go back to his old good habits.

[zombiemum123]

Una I completely get where your coming from and agree with you, however it is affecting his days, he is shattered all the time and not doing well with it, he has always been the child who needs sleep and a good routine. When he has a good nights sleep he is happier in him self, I fee like I have exhausted all options- we have been sleeping in his room on a blow up bed for weeks- going to bed at 7 with him. Even then he still won’t sleep and messes around. Stayed with him till he falls asleep.. 4 hours later he sleeps for a couple of hours and then up again.. I really don’t know what to do

[zombiemum123]

Omg albazavi!! The 4 month sleep regression, I had met thought about that!

[Starface]

I guess though that by messing around or extending the sleep training process he is getting that attention from you. Even if it 'negative' attention. I agree with Una, just really focus on what he is communicating about his emotional need for security. It is rubbish at the moment but focusing on that will probably help it pass quicker. I don't think there is a quick fix really.

[zombiemum123]

Thank you all, we have a book that focuses on being the baby’s arrival that we read regularly, iv been quite worried that he feels pushed out so I really do try and focus on him. I think communication is key, iv been more conscious of this today and taking the time to listen and respond to him, something I think we all forget from time to time, todays he’s been an angel.. I’ll just keep persisting and keep communication up and a stable rountine and hopefully it’ll all fall in place

[albazavi]

It's hard because now you've started it's difficult to stop the training. I think at 4 months, DS1 is feeling a lot more settled with his brothers arrival.

It's also coincided with us with cutting the day time nap completely. He's had 10 minutes in the car today and tonight is difficult. I wouldn't wanted to have tried rapid return much before now as he did struggle emotionally with his brothers arrival- no jealousy but lots of tantrums, needing my attention and cuddles.

How did last night go?

[zombiemum123]

It’s defiantly better!! He is happy to fall asleep on his own after lots of reassurance and when I tell him I’ll stand out side his room, so far tonight he has been up twice- partly I think because he is so overtired it really effects his sleep, however after a quick cuddle, tuck in bed and reassurance he’s fast asleep again, that I can deal with and I feel like where getting somewhere. Once he has a decent night sleep I’m sure it’ll improve further