Controlled crying...(62 Posts)
In the middle of the first night of trying out controlled crying and it's utter hell.
This is a very last resort and I feel like the worst mum in the world but for my own sanity we need to do something...
Anyone got any positive stories or are trying it to?
My son is almost one.
I know some people are totally against it but I used it for all three of mine . They are thriving, well adjusted tweens now (who don’t remember it!) 😂 I think the first one was ‘done’ in two nights. The other two took 3-4 nights but it eased off after Night 1. You will get there and it DOES work . Good luck!
I'm just tired of being so exhausted all of the time.
I keep thinking he's gone to sleep but then I hear a little whinge and I'm not sure if I should just be ignoring it!
Thanks for your story, I've heard it works great when done correctly.
It depends how you are doing it. When we tried first time we just left him but my son worked him self up to the point where he screamed for an hour. It was hell and it broke me. I couldn't do it, so I looked at other options as it was too stressful for both myself, DH and DS. We ended up just going in every few minutes to lie him down and say time to sleep. That way he knew we were there but eventually got the message that he wasn't going to get what he wanted, and night time was time to sleep. I know the feeling of desperation though. My son was 16 months when he finally slept all night.
I think it also depends on your child. Some give in easily. Some definitely do not! If it is only whimpering it is probably easier!
I did it recently. Felt shit the first nights. Kiddo is learning a new skill. Takes time.
Crying is communication--make sure he's not trying to tell you he's hot, cold, hungry, shitty nappy, etc.
I did a 5 mins crying 1 min soothing pattern. First night it was 5 rounds of that for 40m sleep, then 4 rounds for another 40m, then we coslept the rest of the night. Second night was I think 4 and 3 rounds and then cosleeping. By the end of a week she was going off in the first round, waking up after 40m but going back to sleep after 1 round, she still wakes up every 3h or so to eat but she's in her cot all night.
I expect we'll have to do it again when we get to night weaning. It is really hard but unless your kid is working himself into fits he'll probably get the idea. We ignore little whimpers and she goes back off (usually). Now I'm just exhausted all the time because I'm up late mumsnetting (ahem)
Stick it out for a few nights (will feel like the longest 5 mins each time) and if it's not working maybe have a rethink. I did it with mine and it worked but they were more like 4/5 months old.
I did gradual retreat with DS. It took 3 nights. First 2 were hell, 3rd a lot better. Pretty much sorted since then. He was 6mths. I felt awful but I'd cracked. He's slept brilliantly since then, we just have the odd spate of nightmares. He'll be 5 next week.
It was the one thing I said absolutely no to trying but I reached the end of my tether and realised something needs to give because nothing else was working.
He eventually nodded off last night and I'm hoping if I'm consistent again tonight, it'll work
Me too. It's horrible isn't it. The way I got through it was to remind myself he was crying because he was so tired but couldn't get to sleep because he didn't know how.
I've got DD now who's 2wks old tmw. Hoping to keep to good habits but I know it's easier said that done! DS had reflux which was a lot of the problem. Really hoping I don't have to do the same with this one though!
Good luck x
I think our issue is that I just got too complacent cuddling him to sleep that it became the only way he knows!
Thank you for your advice and congratulations on your new baby x
Have you tried any gentler sleep training methods? Just seems silly to do something that's upsetting you both if there are other options you haven't tried yet, especially if he's used to being cuddled to sleep - it's quite a drastic change to go from being cuddled to being left alone to cry.
I'm sure OP isn't leaving him to cry for more than a few minutes at a time, and will be popping in to soothe and reassure him.
I also did gradual retreat which helped.
Good luck for tonight OP - you can do this!
I very reluctantly did this at 10 months, I never wanted to or planned to but DS stopped feeding to sleep. He seems unable to settle if we are in the room and gets very hyper. After a week we were down to 5 minutes of whinging before sleep and his nighttime sleep is improving. I still wouldn't say I am a convert but have to admit it has worked for us and DS seems happier.
We did this at about 9 months. First 3 days were torturous but then it worked. Tough but worth it. No after effects for parents or child in our case.
I did sleep reassurance technique (look up alison scott wright's book). basically you put a rating on the severity of the cry between 1-10 and from 5 and above you go in at differing intervals (we're talking minutes not hours) to comfort, resettle and then leave. if they start to cry as you leave, you still go, wait the minutes and go back in. i liked this technique as it meant my baby never got too worked up (i once tried leaving baby for 45 mins before this, and she seemed terrified and i vowed never to do that again), and with consistent re-settling techniques we soon got her on a sleep routine and able to self settle. i personally found sleep training easier to do in the day, but lots of people prefer the night as they can usually do it as a couple rather than mum dealing with it on her own. it might be a slightly slower way of getting babies to sleep through the night, but in my opinion was less stressful for all of us. but you need to marry it up with a clear eat/sleep/play routine throughout the day and clear night time routine in the evening. babies like routines and will learn through this that night times are for sleeping, not waking and/or eating. good luck. it's tough but will be worth it in the end
Parenting is a 24 hr job. Some children sleep at night easily, others don't - if you draw the short straw it's hard, but it doesn't mean you can neglect your child in order to meet your own needs. You wouldn't leave an elderly vulnerable person to cry alone at night, so why do you think it's ok to do it to a child?
I tried CC with my 1 year DD but she got herself that worked up after 2 minutes of being left alone she vomited all over herself and then wouldn't settle at all. It broke my heart so I couldn't do it again. I now put her in her cot awake after a bath, milk and story and sit next to the cot in the dark not talking to her or looking at her.
The first night it took about 40 mins of lying her back down without talking to her before she fell asleep but now it rarely takes longer than 5 minutes (unless teething or unwell). She settles easily now knowing that I am there.
I would recommend this if you are finding CC hard. I know it works but it is not for everybody.
@nuttyknitter I'm not sure it's fair to call us all child neglecters. We aren't leaving the baby to cry for a full 12 hours.
I did it with all 4 of my dc at some point. Just see it through, the worst thing to do it crack on the second night as then in 2 weeks you will have to go through it all over again from the beginning. You should be through the worst in 2 to 3 nights if he is 1yr. The older they get, the longer it takes them to adjust their going to sleep patterns. My dc are all happy well adjusted kids, my 17 yr old just flew off (6 hr flight) for a 4 week summer course. Am so proud of his confidence and independence.
OP we have just started doing it for naptime as before this week feeding to sleep still worked in the day. This evening was literally less than a minute of crying, by the time it got downstairs he was asleep. I still do the bedtime routine of feed and cuddles until he is sleepy then put him in his cot awake.
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