Fear of cot/bed time(24 Posts)
We thought we would try and teach our 10.5 month old how to self settle at bed time. We didn't want to do controlled crying though so went for the "pick up put down" technique.
Before we started this he was sleeping through majority of nights but to get him to sleep beforehand I would have to rock him whilst stroking his hair and could only put him down if he was really deeply asleep. We thought we would try and teach him to self soothe because it be easier for us (selfishly) if he could self soothe by time I get pregnant with DC #2.
First 3 nights seemed to go pretty well. Only 15 minutes before he drifted off and he continued to sleep through. But next 3 nights were DP's turn to give it a try and although he did drift off to sleep within half hour all 3 times he no longer slept through. He would wake crying and not for milk but for cuddles.
Yesterday he would scream at the cot when I took him in there to change his nappy or put him down for day time naps. Last night took over an hour to settle him and he was waking constantly through the night. He would only calm down if I took him out of the room.
Have we accidently installed a fear into him about his cot? Trying to put him down again now and he just screams as soon as we go near his room now.
Not sure what to do! Feel like an idiot scaring him when he slept through so well before. I was just being selfish
Self soothing is developmental, babies don’t actually have the capacity to self settle as their brains aren’t developed enough. I would go back to rocking to sleep to be honest, it’s not forever. There is also a bad sleep regression at 10 months.
Ah okay. Just 6/8 babies in our ante natal can self settle and done so through controlled crying or just they have done it since birth? I thought maybe we have left it so late which was why it isn't working for DS?
Yes you can teach babies of a certain age to self soothe with cc .
Around 8-10 months is a good age for cc
Just seems so evil though to do cc. Can't bare myself to do it. Plus if the pick up put down technique has caused this problem then surely cc will just make it even worse?
Well it's up to you at the end of the day .
It's not evil though
If you think it's a fear why not do fun things near his cot (and if possible) inside it, like read books or a puppet show with his soft toys/cars etc?
I probably would go back to a very cuddly version of pick up put down. Eg lots of cuddles at the slightest upset even if it takes ages. Night time interruptions might not actually be related to bedtime either. My children have loads of random sleep phases even when nothing else has changed.
I agree that CC is evil! Sorry you’re going through this - I’m sure he’ll come out of the other side, but you don’t need to teach him to self settle. If some of the babies in your antenatal class can self settle then they were developmentally ready, or possibly have crutches like a dummy.
crazycatlady5 ah yeah they do all have dummies actually....
I'll just go back to rocking. I doubt I won't be pregnant any time soon anyway seems it's cycle #9 for us already
What about getting a floor bed instead of a cot so you can rock and cuddle to sleep rather than having to wait until in a deep sleep? Mine has never slept in a cot as she always hated them.
He used to be fine in it though, he used to wake up in middle of night and murmer but drift back off. And occasionally if he wakes up in the cot, after being rocked asleep, I can settle him back down just with hair strokes. But since introducing the pick up put down technique it's all gone out of the window!
I'm just gonna go back to rocking with the view it will not be forever.
Thank you though xx
Gave him lots of cuddles and rocked him to sleep last night and carried on snuggling him till he was proper asleep. Put him in the cot and he pretty much slept through! He did wake briefly (I heard him snuffling about) but he want back off. I think we are certainly gonna forget the whole self soothing to sleep thing then if this works for us. xx
I would just continue to rock to sleep. If you don’t have any other issues and he’s sleeping through then is it really that big a deal in grand scheme of things? He can clearly settle himself to some extent through the night but maybe needs the comfort from you to nod of first. He will learn the settle him self when he’s ready. If it works for you, then go for it!
Yeah I think I just felt under pressure because of MiL saying we needed to get him self settling and she done CC etc etc plus I have seen pretty much all my friends doing it and now saying their babies self settle (although actually they all have dummies and tbf their babies still don't sleep through anyway...). Had comments about Rod for my Own Back too which didn't help.
I done some more reading surrounding CC and similar techniques had have decided we certainly wont bother doing it anymore. Especially after reading some of the Academic Articles. Feel awful even putting DS through that for a few nights now! Poor thing.
Do feel silly because we never even felt like his sleep was an issue until others pointed out how I wont be able to rock him to sleep once I am pregnant.
I love rocking DS to sleep. Get those extra cuddles in there ❤
My ds had this around that age, if he even went near his room he'd scream.
Sadly I had to do CC because he'd simply and cry to get his way.
Now he goes down, no crying, nothing and goes straight to sleep!
Worked for us!
PUPD can be over stimulating for some babies, my DD hated it and it made sleep much worse. She responded much better to a gentle fading method.
You are not being selfish by the way. You're trying to be pragmatic which is what we have to be when we have more than one child.
But if rocking works for you and you're not preg yet (good luck btw!) then give yourself a bit more time and maybe try a different method in a while.
I wouldnt say you couldnt rock a baby to sleep whilst pregnant. I am 27 weeks pregnant and still rock my 1 year old to sleep at bed time and she is in a sling to get to sleep at nap times.
Pregnancy isn't always predictable but as this pregnancy is fine I have found it no issue and I am starting to see her settling herself down when tired so can see that she is getting the sleeping on her own thing!
Please don’t feel awful. Parenting is tough and it’s so difficult when people are ‘helping’ (telling you what to do like MIL 🙄) - you tried something and didn’t feel comfortable with it. I’m sure we are all going to be guilty of that many times over the years of our parenting journey!
Sounds like he is self settling during the night so it's not he can't do it.
PUPD would def be over stimulating for my DS.
I did (do) a gentler version of CC which means I put him down and only go in to stroke his face / replace his dummy / comforter after 6 mins of crying. I felt the short interval rule (although the don't feel short to start with) helped me stick to it and gave baby a chance to try to fall asleep himself. After 4 intevals of going in I'd pick him up if it wasn't working. This method was transformational for us. Within a week he would go down awake and fall asleep without a peep. Obviously illness and regressions affected things but that's to be expected.
Maybe restore his faith in the cot by rocking for a few weeks and have a go at a different method.
Best of luck!
Just to update you - we have returned to cuddling and rocking to sleep and he is back to sleeping through! However he now appears to have developed separation anxiety when being left as childminder or with his Grandparents. He wont sleep, eat or drink when left with them. Really feel like we have caused this!
I used to link all different behaviour and thought it must have a cause. Now I have relaxed a bit and realise that wee ones change so quickly and have on / off days or weeks regularly. You have not caused this, he's just going through another phase. Hang in there and keep repeating 'It's just a phase' I understand the want to rationalise and diagnose but kids are bizarre 😆
Mar15mite thank you. Any idea how we can make him feel more settled elsewhere though? Cant imagine him not eating/drinking/sleeping until we pick him is gonna be doing him any good
Does he have a comforter, blankie or teddy he likes? My D'S has one but he's only allowed it at home unless he's having a bad day etc
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