Husband doesn't want to co-sleep

[Arevena]

Our little boy is 18 months old and I've been co-sleeping with him for about the last 17. My husband occasionally slept with us but his sleep is very important to him (he really can't handle bad night sleep) and he can't stand interrupted nights, so he spent most of the last year in the spare room.
My little boy is still breastfeeding on demand and I'm not seeing this stopping for a long time. Sometimes he can sleep through the night, but usually wakes up between 2-100000000 times/ night.
My husband has been speaking to some of his friends who "can't believe" were still co-sleeping and he wouldn't allow for this (they used controlled crying which meant their boy has been a horrendous sleeper for the last 2.5 years- that's his age). My husband can be swayed by his mates' opinions and we are, on the most part' on different pages in most aspects of parenting (pretty everything I try to introduce etc results in a battle, i can't think of one time where he would just agree with me or do some research and discuss anything). So anyway - he's told me he's been sleeping in a spare room in protest and he won't be moving back until our little boy moves into his own bedroom. He doesn't think it's an issue that I will be having to get up time and time again every night to feed him and then be broken the next day, because as he says I "don't work".

Also - sleeping with my husband means the following: a little peck on a cheek/lips, him turning his back on me, pulling the duvet to his side, snoring and waking up few times a night for the loo. We don't ever have sex in the night/bed or cuddle (he needs his sleep) so I don't really see the appeal of having him in the bed, it's not like we're missing our intimacy.

The spare room/nursery currently has a single bed with the cheapest possible mattress (I tried to sleep on it and woke up at midnight with agonising hip pain - you can feel the coils with your hands just by touching the surface of the bed) which he chose himself and is sleeping on. I don't want my little boy sleeping on this uncomfortable piece of tat and i cannot co-sleep on it.

Most of all, I just don't know what to do, I'm so tired of battling. Some friends of ours co-sleep, some don't - he's currently siding with the non-co-sleeping. I guess he never really liked the idea. Please help. I don't want my marriage to fall apart, but I my heart is breaking on a thought of having to put my baby in a separate bedroom - sleeping with him makes me so happy, I can smell him, hear his breathing, comfort him when he's having a bad dream, hear his giggles, nurse him, warm him up when it's cold....

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

You’re going to get lots of advice on here.

Probably some people may believe that your needs, your baby’s needs and your connection with your baby is the most important thing.

Remember that no one can honestly balance the needs of separate members of your family, apart from you and your husband in consensus and with compromise.

You need to have an honest talk to him. Is your husband happy sleeping alone? Are you truly happy not sleeping with him there? What would your husband’s ideal situation be? Does he really genuinely love sharing your bed or does he just dislike the concept of cosleeping? If you don’t enjoy sleeping next to your husband, should you both be addressing that too?

I’d start off by saying that, in my opinion, my lovely babies are not the most important people in my family. Each one of us is equally important. Your needs are important and you want to co-sleep. Your husband’s needs are also important.

This isn’t an argument, just a thought: Your husband was once someone’s darling baby. Would you want your son, when he is grown, to essentially be exiled to the spare room bed for several years.

The first few years of a baby’s life are so hard emotionally. So many people with conflicting needs, and you’re falling in love with a baby while needing to work on your existing relationships. I do feel sympathy.

[crazycatlady5]

My daughter is 14 months and we’re cosleeping with a few wake ups. Unlike your situation my husband is in the room but he does do the whole ‘I spoke to a friend who said...’ so I understand that bit. It’s important for all family members to be happy, obviously, but your husband is being a little childish by sleeping in the spare room ‘in protest’. I would discuss with him how your baby is only small for a short while and you’re doing what feels natural for now.

Another thing - have you thought about a floor bed instead of a single bed? Double mattress on the floor, you can feed/cuddle to sleep. Then if baby wakes you can join him in the night. Compromise? I plan to do the his at some point.