4 weeks to night wean my 21 month old - please help!

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Please help me to stop bfing my 21 month old. I am done in, physically and mentally. She still wakes several times a night, will only be fed back to sleep and I can't cope any more. I've got till the end of the easter holidays to sort it out because me and my partner are too exhausted to do it while we are at work and we both have two weeks off at Easter.
She screams to the point of making herself sick if she is told no boob, nothing else works and my partner can't get her to go to sleep at all. I feel like I might have to just sleep elsewhere for a few nights so she has no choice but I will feel terrible and I don't want her to think I've abandoned her.
I don't want to co sleep as she feeds even more but she does end up in our bed most nights at some point as I just get to the point where I can't take any more and need sleep. This has only been happening for about a couple of months as she was poorly with chicken pox and ended up in our bed a lot but now she wants to sleep in it every night. She has always woken a lot though, no matter where she sleeps.
I think the worst thing is that it's all down to me feeding her. No one else can get her to sleep because she associates it so strongly with being bf to sleep.
For her naps she has to go out in her buggy for a few minutes and then she falls asleep but obviously we can't do that at night.
Please help me, I am losing my mind.

[Glassofredandapackofcrisps]

I'm sorry can't help because I'm in exactly the same position! I'm going away with my mother for a week in April(I'm a single mum) so hoping that we can make some kind of progress then! Let's hope someone comes along soon with some great advice!

[TanteRose]

I think you are going to have to sleep away for a few nights.

My 16 month old weaned very suddenly because I had to go into hospital to have my second baby and I was hospitalized for 3 weeks. That was a bit extreme but it worked

With my second, he was 3 years old and I just told him on this third birthday that there was no more milk. He never asked again. Obviously your LO is too little to understand this.

A friend has just weaned her 18 month old by going to stay with her parents just overnight and her partner looking after their DD - she weaned in 3 days. It was quite tough for Dad but they managed.

Good luck!

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Thanks, I've just seen another thread about putting them in a bed to hopefully encourage them to sleep better. We were thinking of doing this anyway but I reckon now is the time to invest in a toddler bed! Then if that doesn't work ill bugger off for a few nights!

[Shadow1986]

I’m in same boat but with a bottle fed 21 month old! He can wake once or twice in the night and still needs a bottle to get back to sleep and will only then sleep in bed with me. Been even worse since he had tonsillitis, prior to this he slept through most nights. Also been wondering whether to put him in a bed. He seems to move around a lot so wondered if he would have more space. So tired

[chequeplease]

I don't have any personal experience yet. But I've been reading up on the Jay Gordon technique (google it) which is really gentle but seems to work for others.
Worth a look?

[welshcake82]

Hi, I was in the same boat as you a couple of months ago. After a hellish Christmas week where DS (aged 18 months at the time) barely slept for more than a couple of hours at a time, I'd really had enough of feeding through the night.

Tried the Jay Gordon method and had absolutely no expectation that it would work but it did, which I'm astounded by tbh.

I didn't follow the method to the letter as I didn't think DS would get the idea of having boob until 11pm and then nothing until morning.

I told him repeatedly throughout the day I started it that "we don't have mummy milk at night now" which he started to agree with me about. I also kept saying how good it was to sleep all night. The first night was a bit hard but after that, I repeated the above all day and by night 2/3 he'd pretty much got it. I had a beaker of water for when he woke up and just cuddled him until he went to sleep.

I know this probably sounds implausible. I would have thought exactly the same 3 months ago. DS is not a calm, compliant child. I thought he'd scream the house down and I'd end up giving in straight away but it's been so much better than I could have ever imagined.

He still wakes up occasionally now in the night but previously we were up 3-4 times a night for an hour at a time, so we've made huge progress.

Good luck op!

[chequeplease]

Wow welshcake that's incredible. I'm definitely going to try it with my 18 mo now!!
I like the idea of preparing them during the day too.

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Wow, I will definitely have a look at that. I am doubtful as she reacts terribly to not getting boob but I guess if we take the time to explain over and over it might go in?! Thanks for the advice!

[PopsicleToes]

Just a little 💐 and ☕️ of support, in a similar situation with my 17 month DS.

Have been doing a version of Jay Gordon method, less gradual though as I thought DS just wouldn't get the whole "you can have a bit of boob, but then I'm going to unlatch you and you have to fall asleep" thing which he recommends as first stage.

So i've fed to sleep, then no boob till 5am is the rule. First wake up on first night he screamed for an hour, i just kept cuddling and telling him booby is sleeping, DS sleep, Mummy sleep etc. Next wake up was half an hour or so. Second night wake-ups were shorter although more of them!

For me the turning point was realizing that I really need this, I want my evenings/nights back and my partner wants to be able to put him to bed and sometimes be the one to look after him at night. Jay Gordon's explanation that in a secure and well-attached toddler the crying is more frustration than distress also sunk in. I tried so many times before to stop or reduce feeding at night and gave in because I couldn't stand the tears.

It was really hard to sit with him crying for a whole hour or more that first night but he slept some longer stretches and woke up super cheerful and affectionate in the morning, so I feel like i'm doing the right thing for both of us. I don't know if we will get to a stage where he is doing a7-8 hour stretch but live in hope!

Good luck OP let us know how it goes!

[chequeplease]

Any update Oh?

[OhWhatAPalaver]

We are starting the process tomorrow night as tomorrow is my last day of work for two weeks, wish us luck!

[PopsicleToes]

Good luck Oh! Be strong, you can do it even if it means a few tough nights. We have seen a big improvement 10 days on from starting our version of sleep training. A few months ago would never have thought it possible!

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Hi Popsicle, glad to hear you're getting a bit more sleep now, that's really reassuring. Do you have any other tips? We were hoping to start tonight but I've got period pain (great timing!) and not really feeling it!
Will be more rested tomorrow too as won't have been in work... So definitely definitely starting tomorrow!!

[PopsicleToes]

Not sure about tips as such... we are still cosleeping so I just stayed with DS the whole time, cuddling, reassuring. And just told myself he would eventually go to sleep and we had to crack it.
If he was a bit older I would start trying to explain that there is no boob when it's night/dark and trying to tell him this in advance through the day as well to really set up that expectation. There are some toddler books that help to explain this too I think. In a few months time I might try this approach to sort out the evening feed-to-sleep, which he's still having.

We have actually regressed a bit now as DS is a bit sniffly and we are staying at my DPs for easter and I think it's unsettled him, but I'm prepared for it to not be a totally linear process...
Good luck tonight if you decide to go ahead!