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Soneone HELP me get a full nights sleep 😭

(21 Posts)
ILoveMyFrenchie Sun 04-Mar-18 00:22:22

My Daughter is 8 months old and breastfed she also sleeps in our bed (big mistake)
From a small baby we struggled to get her to sleep in her Moses or next2me so she always ended up in with us...
It's gotten to the point where my partner sleeps in a separate room due to him needing sleep for work and me needing to have a normal amount of room. Anyway for about a month bedtime has become a nightmare...
She will only accept me to get her to sleep so I find it all very exhausting when my partner is happily off to bed.
Her bed time has become non existent!
She wants to be fed and or held to sleep in my arms... If she wakes and realises she isn't being held she will either scream uncontrollably or she will get up and lay on top of me, other times she will claw at my top for milk.
Sometimes this will go on for a very long time until I give in from exhaustion or she will fall asleep from it but waking again a couple of hours later on repeat.
Napping in the day is easier but she will only go into the cot if she is fully asleep in the arms first.
How do I go about getting her into her own room and in her own cot? Or the very least to sleep at a reg time and for a long stretch.
I have friends that tell me they just put their little one down after milk and they fall asleep themselves?! How?
I know it won't be like this forever but she needs a decent sleep just as much as me.
What's your advice on this?
Should I stick it out until I will stop breastfeeding?

Mumchatting Sun 04-Mar-18 08:20:55

Hello, what you described is a perfectly normal and natural behaviour of a baby.
Yes, it's natural for babies to want to sleep next to their mothers and feed on demand through the night. Lots of babies do wake up every 2-3 hours. Normal.
Yes, it's natural that babies wake up several times at night and look for mother's breast. This will last through the first year of baby's life and can go longer. Also perfectly normal.
That is how babies are designed.
Yes, it's exhausting for the mother, but worth every moment. Baby loves to feel you next to her. It's very comforting to her.

crazycatlady5 Sun 04-Mar-18 09:56:05

As PP said but I’ll alsp add months 8-10 mostly 8-12 were really tough for us then all of a sudden the last month my cosleeping feed all night baby wakes once in the night and after the feed crawls back over to her cot (open side next to my bed). It gets better please don’t feel it will be forever, it will pass! brew

IceBearRocks Sun 04-Mar-18 09:57:19

I'm so sorry but it is just normal..... It won't go on forever ...sleep deprivation is torture...literally !!!

ILoveMyFrenchie Sun 04-Mar-18 11:58:15

Thank you for your kind replies and reassurance.

I do enjoy her being next to me at night along with breastfeeding but it's as if she has started going backwards when it comes to night time. . Before I could get her to sleep then go downstairs for a bit of me time but now i find it so hard to get her to sleep alone that I can't so we all end up going together late at night.

I feel a bit pressured for her to have a set bedtime and routine, I'm just worried about leaving it too late and causing problems later.

How did you establish this and at what age?

Thanks again for your replies.

crazycatlady5 Sun 04-Mar-18 12:50:16

We just did baby led and at 13 months she goes to bed between 7-7.30 after her bath, I feed her to sleep quite quickly and she stays asleep until about 11 then wakes for a quick feed or sleeps straight through to 3/4am. We have a video monitor on and sometimes I see her roll around, open her eyes and go back to sleep. Nothing I actively did made this happen I just went with it. I promise you’ll get there x

wintertravel1980 Sun 04-Mar-18 13:44:30

...then all of a sudden the last month my cosleeping feed all night baby wakes once in the night and after the feed crawls back over to her cot (open side next to my bed).

Has your baby recently started with a childminder or in a nursery?

When babies get an opportunity to learn independent settling (even in a gentle way), they often willingly take it on. Falling asleep in a different environment teaches babies they can get comfort from something other than milk. I have plenty of colleagues who all say their children became much better sleepers after they started nursery.

crazycatlady5 Sun 04-Mar-18 13:45:12

Has your baby recently started with a childminder or in a nursery?

No, I work from home.

crazycatlady5 Sun 04-Mar-18 13:45:29

But I definitely see what you’re saying smile

xxrealistmumxx Sun 04-Mar-18 14:09:55

Honestly? You have two options, keep going on as you are - making sure you get in as much rest and support as possible and hope she will grow out of it
Or
do some sleep training.

There will be a very passionate divide on MN as to what's the best way but there's no such thing as one best way only the best way for your family / situation. And by that I mean the whole family not just DC. DC, especially very young DC, are hugely affected by caregivers states and the environment they're in so it's important to find a way that works for everyone rather than doing what you think your daughter needs when it leaves you feeling exhausted, resentful, angry. Not that I'm saying for one minute that that's what's happening but it's just something to consider in the big picture. Yes there are many 8 months olds who still wake in the night but I wouldn't say what you're experiencing is the norm. Though that still doesn't mean you shouldn't continue if you're happy to do so but I'm getting the feeling that's not the case.

Hugs to you. Persistent lack of decent sleep is a bloody killer!!

xxrealistmumxx Sun 04-Mar-18 14:13:13

No offense crazycatladybut you can't promise op her child will follow suit of yours. Some children need help learning to sleep independent, some don't. Unfortunately there's no way to predict it

xxrealistmumxx Sun 04-Mar-18 14:13:13

No offense crazycatladybut you can't promise op her child will follow suit of yours. Some children need help learning to sleep independent, some don't. Unfortunately there's no way to predict it

crazycatlady5 Sun 04-Mar-18 15:37:09

Some children need help learning to sleep independent

ALL children get there on their own, it’s just for some reason we assume small babies should be doing it when in reality they still need a lot of parental intervention for the whole of the first year and often into the second year.

ILoveMyFrenchie Mon 05-Mar-18 22:00:23

Thank you all for taking the time to reply with your experiences and/or advice.

I guess until she is no longer breast feeding and sleeping with me there isn't really much that can be done...

After really thinking about it I do not think she is ready for her own room and cot yet but just wanted some expertise from some more experienced mommies about the switch over and making it as smooth and stress free as possible when the time does come.

Re the if it is bothering me question - some nights I don't mind so much and I am happy to hold her however other nights without sounding awful (feel so guilty) I do get a bit angry... I would never take it out on her but yes admittedly when it is 4am and she has woken for what feels like the millionth time I do let out an arghhh or swear as my eyelids peel open like glass haha. Keep telling myself she won't be a baby forever and I will miss it!

So is the majority saying this is something a baby will grow out of on their own?

Mumchatting Tue 06-Mar-18 00:09:06

Hello, I sleep with my daughter and breastfeed so when she wakes up at night I feed her and we both carry on sleeping. I don't wake up fully. I don't really notice those waking up moments to he honest. And I don't count them. I don't even have a clock in the bedroom so I don't look at the time to check what time she woke up. Like this I don't get angry or frustrated. Simply i feed her when she wakes up and I know she does few times every night. But it doesn't bother me . I just carry on sleeping! Never had to stand up and rock her or anything like that. Breastfeeding is the best sleeping 'pill' for both

Mumchatting Tue 06-Mar-18 00:10:50

...For both mother and baby. (Sorry I
clicked to soon before I finished the message).

crazycatlady5 Tue 06-Mar-18 08:58:16

Agree with mumchatting. Breast milk has sleepy hormones for baby and it also helps mum get back to sleep. Cosleeping and breastfeeding at the same time is ideal as you barely wake. Some nights my husband notices I’ve been feeding in the night when I have actually assumed we all slept through!

xxrealistmumxx Tue 06-Mar-18 09:46:32

You have options op, it just depends on what you feel is best. Get informed and trust yourself.
I agree very young babies should not be left to CIO but there are other sleep training methods that can be used. I was just giving op options. No one is an expert on ALL children and each family is unique. I'm simply saying that there's lots of factors to consider and there ARE options. It's not black and white. The Ferber book is an interesting read on sleep issues. I'm not suggesting you use his methods but it's still an interesting read.

I guess I disagree that ALL children get there on their own. I think quite a lot of the time parents will coach / train therefore that's an impossible claim to prove. I'm a mum of three and with my second we just let her lead. At 7yrs old she still insisted we lie with her to help her to sleep - often up to an hour, which I was totally happy to do but then this became unsustainable as I had another baby who needed me that time. Therefore we had to help the 7yr old to get to sleep on her own. Like I said there's lots of factors to consider. She protested and cried a lot on the first night, less so the second. By the third there were no tears. Each morning we gave her lots of love and praise. She's now happy that she can go to sleep alone, means she can go on sleepovers etc. Yes, maybe we could've kept waiting and maybe she could've got there on her own but everyone is much happier this way and tbh the more ingrained habits become the more distressing they can be to break.

crazycatlady5 Tue 06-Mar-18 09:54:48

@xxrealistmumxx that is totally down to the personality of your child, I was also like that and I grew out of it. I understand that must have been tough for you, but it’s also totally different ‘training’ a 7 year old to go to sleep alone than it is a baby who has no understanding whatsoever.

xxrealistmumxx Wed 07-Mar-18 09:38:06

ILoveMyFrenchie there's information in the Ferber book about how to continue co-sleeping and feeding in the night without having to deal with what you're dealing with behaviour wise from DD. Like I keep saying, there's lots of things that can be done aside from just leaving a baby to cry in a room alone. That's not what sleep training is, it's about helping baby / child and mother / family get a good night's sleep.

ILoveMyFrenchie Tue 13-Mar-18 22:10:59

Thank you xxxrealistmumxxx for the reccomendation I will definitely have a look. 😊 x

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