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Taken dummy away, now 22 month old will only sleep if I cuddle her

(11 Posts)
LJDavis Thu 22-Feb-18 13:59:18

My 22 month old was chewing through her dummies and resulted in me spending a fortune to replace them. Decided we couldn't afford to buy new ones each week so got rid of them (told her that my pals' baby needed them and she seemed happy with this). She isn't really asking for her dummies, but won't settle unless I'm cuddling her and now says "mummy chair", wanting cuddles.

Please help, don't want to get into a habit of cuddling her before bed. She only wants me at bedtime so it's quite exhausting. She has 2 teddies that she hugs.

selftitledalbum Thu 22-Feb-18 14:27:14

She’s only a baby
Why won’t you cuddle her?

LJDavis Thu 22-Feb-18 14:45:04

Because if she gets reliant on only me cuddling her to get to sleep, how will she sleep if I'm not there? Not to go into too much detail but my mother isn't well and need to help feed her at least once a week

Cottoneyed12 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:51:15

SHe may still “only be a baby” but you don’t want to move from one thing to another. I think the aim is to teach them to get to sleep by themselves. It’s a valuable lesson I’ve done with all my children and they all mostly go to bed alone, read books and lie down.

If I were you, I’d sit beside her bed or cot for a week. Then after a week where she has adjusted to not being cuddled, put her to bed then leave the room. Every time she cries, go back in and settle her and when she stops crying leave again. Go back in every time she cries even if you go back in 100 times the first night.

After a week you’ll be able to leave and that’ll be it.

I’ve done this technique with my children and it always works. They know I’m right there and will always settle them but it’s their job to get themselves to sleep. I think the key is to resettle them each time then leave.

It’s not for everyone but it worked for me.

LJDavis Thu 22-Feb-18 15:25:48

Thank you. Will definitely give that a go! Will let you know how I get on

FATEdestiny Thu 22-Feb-18 19:53:39

Personally, I think 22 months is early for most children to go without any comfort at bedtime.

You need to replace the dummy with an alternate (bonded to and strongly attached) comforter. Or keep the dummy until the comfort is no longer needed. Time dropping the dummy right, and you don't need to replace with anything. That's usually between 3y-5y

Chienrouge Thu 22-Feb-18 20:00:32

I don’t necessarily agree with the above. I removed both my DD’s dummies just before they were 2, as this is when they were able to understand the concept that their dummies were going away (we did the dummy fairy) and not coming back. We were very lucky and my 2 literally never asked for the dummy again, didn’t need anything to replace it and were happy to be just put to bed without the dummy and I left the room for them to settle themselves to sleep. So yes, for some children they need a replacement comforter, others don’t. I also think 3-5 is generally quite late to still have a dummy.
I would try the gradual retreat method outlined by Cottoneyed12. Of course a 22 month old still wants/needs cuddles but the fact is that you can’t always be there to cuddle her to sleep, so gently teaching them to self soothe is ideal.

crazycatlady5 Thu 22-Feb-18 20:04:14

I agree with @selftitledalbum - you have taken away one comfort and you’re not expecting her to get to sleep without any comfort at all. If you’re not there she’ll get to sleep another way I don’t think that’s enough of a reason not to cuddle her if she needs it to be honest.

LJDavis Thu 22-Feb-18 20:11:23

She sleeps with 2 teddies, so has something, tonight she fell asleep holding my finger which is better than her falling asleep on me IMHO. Tonight is an example of why I can't hug her as I volunteer at a youth club and came home to my husband trying to settle her.

Couldn't justify keeping dummies as it was too expensive to replace them every week

Chienrouge Thu 22-Feb-18 20:13:14

I think dummies are dangerous when they start biting the ends off.

SleepQuick Fri 23-Feb-18 16:29:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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