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Your experience with feeding to sleep

57 replies

Rosiep10 · 20/02/2018 19:35

Please help me stop sending myself insane. My new DS (13 weeks) is a calm contented happy baby 90 per cent of the time. The exception is at nap and bedtime. He's a screamer - even if I pop him in his cot as soon as he yawns he's crying.

I've tried everything - rocking him to sleepy then putting him down, sssh-pat in the cot, leaving him for a few minutes to grizzle - every time he escalates pretty quickly to full scale screaming.

The only thing that works is feeding him until he nods off. He then sleeps beautifully, sometimes right through until morning.

I have no problem with this EXCEPT that everything I read says feeding to sleep is a Terrible Sleep Sin and by five months my baby will be awake every hour and he will never learn to go to sleep on his own and be sharing a bed with me when he's four.

Can you help me by sharing your experience? I feel really caught between a rock and a hard place. I love the calm and peace of feeding him down at bedtime but I feel like I am creating a world of pain for the future. He's so small I cannot leave him to cry but I feel like I am getting everything wrong and it's really making my head hurt.

I have a four year old too so lots of crying at bedtime isn't helpful for her when she's trying to sleep. She self settled quite early (thumb sucker) so this one is a different kettle of fish.

OP posts:
NewSense · 20/02/2018 19:46

I have a 2.5 yr old feed to sleeper... Honestly I do it coz I'm lazy. She would ONLY feed to sleep for the first few months (I mean bed, nap and in the night), then she got better at settling herself in the night, with fewer wakings. Now she'll go to sleep without me if I'm not around, but she's asleep in the blink of an eye if I offer her a feed (not sure there's much milk to be honest!). So I do it when I want her to go straight to sleep. She sleeps through, and self settles if she wakes.

Not saying it's been ideal, but it's certainly worked for us and not been as huge a pain as I was led to believe! I think I'd have found it harder doing some kind of patting, rocking, shushing, leaving to cry thing. But that's just me! I wanted her in bed so I could start my evening!

I would have liked her to self settle earlier, especially at bedtime, but she does it fine despite a year and a half of ALWAYS being fed to sleep at bedtime.

I'm thinking of trying something different with my next one, due later this year, but if I have to feed to sleep again, I really wouldn't consider it a dreadful fate :)

pipnchops · 20/02/2018 19:50

Feeding to sleep was the only way I could get either of my DC to sleep as babies and I just went with it even though I had a feeling (and a few comments) that I was making a rod for my own back. It stopped working with DD1 just before her first birthday and I started to hold her hand as she went off to sleep. There was a bit of crying as she went off to sleep but not the screaming there'd have been if I'd left the room. With DD2 we co slept from quite early on as I was shattered. Feeding to sleep just recently stopped working (she is 15 months) but the only other way she would go off to sleep was in my bed. I was getting rubbish sleep so I've just had to do some gentle sleep training to get her to sleep in her own cot. Now she settles herself to sleep at last and stays in her cot.

They get there eventually and won't be feeding to sleep or sleeping in your bed forever. At some point you'll probably have to put in some effort to teach them to self settle but I was happier doing that when they were a bit older. While feeding to sleep worked I was more than happy to do that if that's what it took to get back to sleep asap!

Bananarama12 · 20/02/2018 19:53

My DS is 14 weeks and fed to sleep mostly because I can't be bothered to shush pat all the time. I'm exhausted as it is! He does have a dummy and I will try this at night time before feeding him and he will settle if he's tired but 9 times out of 10 he's awake every 3 hours for food.

Callamia · 20/02/2018 19:59

Stop reading. It’s a wonderfully simple solution to your worries!

Feeding to sleep is helpful, perfectly normal and you can always get someone else to put the baby to bed, or use a long walk in a sling/pushchair as they get a little older.

Feeding to sleep is a gift - it means you can get your baby to sleep pretty much anywhere.

Eminybob · 20/02/2018 20:00

I fed ds to sleep until I stopped breastfeeding at 9 months. Then I gave him a bottle to sleep until he was 2. I rocked him to get him off for daytime naps until he was almost 3!
He’s now 3.5 and is perfectly capable of getting himself off to sleep.
It was the easiest and quickest way to get him to sleep at the time, I have no regrets. Well apart from the time I wasted trying other methods after hearing that feeding to sleep is A Very Bad Thing.
It’s fine, do whatever you need to do to make your life easier.

Nicketynac · 20/02/2018 20:03

I did it with both of mine (first bottle, second breast fed). Eventually moved on to cuddling them to sleep and then worked on getting them to fall asleep in their cots at about 9 months old. (Much easier with the first!)
I loved the feeling of them sleeping in my arms and don’t care what anyone else had to say about it.

Motherlucker · 20/02/2018 20:06

I feed my 6 month old to sleep. You can send yourself mad with reading and comparing. I'm doing what works for us. Don't get me wrong, I have a wobble about it sometimes, but then give myself a talking to. It's easy, natural and works (for now!).

positivity123 · 20/02/2018 20:06

My advice would be to do what works until it stops working. It might be that it stops sending her to sleep or you decide that you want to share bedtime routine with your partner.
My 16 month old was fed to sleep until she was about 8 or 9 months then it stopped working. So then I did a proper routine of bath, milk story and bed. There were a few tears on the first night but I kept going in and giving her a stroke and she was fine within 3 nights and now goes down fine.
When she was poorly or teething I'd bring her into bed with me and cosleep.
Don't drive yourself insane. He's still really little so just see how it goes.

AutumnGlitterBall · 20/02/2018 20:07

I fed to sleep (formula) for about nine months. We started to rethink it when he got teeth six weeks before his first birthday and he got his last bottle downstairs in front of the Night Garden. We also co-slept, not planned but because it meant he actually slept, and once he started sleeping through the night, he didn’t get brought in because he didn’t wake. Neither are a rod for your back. You and the baby need sleep!

Shadow1986 · 20/02/2018 20:09

Until they have lots of teeth and you have to start worrying about tooth decay from the milk, you really don’t need to worry about it - do whatever makes your life easier.

MrsDoyleFallingOutTheWindow · 20/02/2018 20:11

Agree that it's a gift - your night time milk is full of natural sleepy signal hormones - it's doing what it's designed to do. I fed all of mine to sleep. I did like you worry with the first about making a rod for my own back but well fuck it they were sleeping - that's good, right?

What has happened each time they weaned themselves was that they refused the boob, I gave them a little cuddle, and they went to sleep. They were quite old by then - all over 12 months but less than two years - and so they kind of got the bedtime time to go to sleep now thing which by that point a feed was just a part of.

Absolutely take full advantage of the milk inducing sleep - this is your most powerful weapon. Never mind patting and shushing - you don't need that.

Sipperskipper · 20/02/2018 20:14

If it works for you, do it! The risk is that once sleep cycles mature around 4 months, that he will need feeding back to sleep each cycle (maybe hourly overnight). It doesn’t seem to affect some babies though, and some people find co-sleeping works well for regular night wakes.

You could try a dummy to support more independent sleep - but you of course then have the issue (like I did!) of baby waking for a dummy through the night. I found this much quicker and easier to manage than feeding back to sleep, and when she could reinsert her own dummy the problem was solved.

rollingonariver · 20/02/2018 20:16

I fed my DD to sleep until she was 8ish months and I think it made her sleep better because she had positive sleep associations. I sleep trained her at 8 months and she's slept through since then! I think I was just quite lucky that she started to sleep through and sleep training took about 2 months all in all.
By 8 months she was waking up hourly to feed which was a pain but she sleep trained well, it took a long time because we used a gentle method.

rollingonariver · 20/02/2018 20:17

Also because we coslept and fed to sleep I literally didn't have any sleepless nights until we tried to sleep train Smile

FortheloveofJames · 20/02/2018 20:19

I agree, stop reading! If it works for you then keeping doing what you are doing and don’t stress about it. If it stops working then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Sleepy baby cuddles are the best. My DS self settles now- he started doing this on his own- and honestly I miss those times so much.

Pandabear2018 · 20/02/2018 20:20

As Callamia said, just stop reading. I've never understood how waking your baby up once fed to sleep to put them back in cot, or stopping them feeding before they want to stop is in any way sensible.
If you want to read one more article though I recommend this one www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/self-soothing-is-bollocks-says-baby-20171015137482.

SoftSheen · 20/02/2018 20:27

You have a 13 week old baby who you can feed to sleep, and they sometimes the stay asleep all night? That is amazing!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding a baby to sleep- it is the most natural thing in the world. Eventually, your baby/toddler will grow out of it, but until then, just enjoy!

AutumnalTed · 20/02/2018 20:36

Millions of years babies have been attached to their mums, with boob on tap. Little babies just want their mums and literally know no different.

itsagranddayfordrying · 20/02/2018 20:42

Don't do it , my first two woke every 30/45 mins from 4 months on , hell on earth, slept the night at 4 and 5 years old respectively , with third baby gave her a soother til 6 months and went to sleep consultant and never looked back, dream baby, sleeps all night , naps In cot , my first two kids were a nightmare and their poor sleeping ruined at least 5 years of my life , no exaggeration

limitedscreentime · 20/02/2018 20:44

Both of mine fed to sleep, and both have independently (at about 9m/a year) have moved to feeding, rolling over when done and sometimes playing a bit (5mins) before lying down and going to sleep, sometimes just going straight to sleep.

IamPickleRick · 20/02/2018 20:44

Fed all three of mine to sleep. They just naturally stopped of their own accord at around 8/9 months. Honestly can’t see a problem here. Do what works, baby is happy and sleeping - that’s a success in my book! After that they were just pleased for me to lay next to me and nod off. And after that, we did the move further away each night technique 😂 not with the second though, he didn’t even need it.

Ceebs85 · 20/02/2018 20:51

Oh god don't stress keep doing what works. Ive always fed my 6mo to sleep but now she's often still awake when finishing her night time bottle. It might be a good idea to introduce other sleep associations like a comforter or sleeping bag.

Mine has always had a sleeping bag and a dummy so now we pretty much just put her in her sleeping when we know she's tired and give her a dummy add she gets herself off to sleep.

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Sunrise888 · 20/02/2018 20:51

I feed to sleep - I do love it even though it'sa bit of a crutch and means we get stuck in position until he wakes.

The advice I had was to keep doing what you are doing as long as you are both happy. When you've had enough you can use other techniques to help your baby sleep on their own. For now just enjoy it!

GoodMorning1 · 20/02/2018 20:54

I fed to sleep until it stopped working (maybe around 11 months - can't really remember). I loved it! It was a really cosy experience - used to fall asleep myself half the time!

When it stopped working DD started self settling some of the time and needing me or DP sat next to the cot other times.

At 11 weeks I'd do it if it works. Aside from anything else it's a good way to bond.

widget2015 · 20/02/2018 20:57

Fed both of mine to sleep. They both stopped feeding to sleep around 8 months of their own accord. I could never quite bring myself to wake up a sleeping baby!

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