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How the hell can I get my baby to go sleep without a fight?!

(29 Posts)
FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:43:47

My nearly 7 month old used to sleep great in the night and was awful at daytime naps. Now it's the other way around.

She fights her bedtime so hard I don't know what to do. We have a bedtime routine where we bath her and get her ready for bed, bottle and then down in her cot. She then starts flailing like absolute mad - arms going up and down and hands flapping, legs kicking and feet rubbing together. If I try to restrain her she gets even more irritated and can't seem to stop. Her breathing is also really fast. She squeals really loud while doing all of this.

What on Earth is she doing?? Has anyone else had this?

My husband keeps threatening to sleep train her with controlled crying and I just can't do that.

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:49:06

I have PND and I'm sure this is all my fault somehow. I just don't know what's going on. I'm sitting here starving hungry and she won't go to sleep

crazycatlady5 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:55:32

I promise you it’s not your fault. Promise. There are loads of biological reasons she might be fighting sleep. These things are always phases, i remember the 7 month being particularly tough for us. I posted on here a lot, but then it started to get better at 8 months then 9/11 months were awful - things are much better at a year. It’s absoltuely nothing you’re doing wrong, just don’t force it x

MissOrganisedMe Wed 14-Feb-18 20:01:03

I could have written this at various points in the last 11 months. What am I doing wrong?! Have I broken her?! Is there something wrong with her?! I can only echo what the pp has said. It's not your fault! Their wee brains are just working over time. My mantra has always been 'It's a phase, this too shall pass'. Not much help when you're in the thick of it, admittedly!

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:05:54

Oh god I can't help but laugh but I had to get her out of the cot because she had just done a poo and I stood her up afterwards and she tried to bite my nose as she does and then proceeded to burp right on me.... the cheek of it!!

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:21:44

@MissOrganisedMe @crazycatlady5 thank you so much for replying to me. I feel like I'm going mad! I know that if I laid her next to me in a bed she would go but I just need her to go back to how she used to be at bedtime. I don't want to be an ordeal every night. It's so difficult!!

It's probably because nap times I tend to nap at the same time because I'm so shattered so I'll put her the other side of the bed to me so maybe I should try better at putting her in the cot in the day. I haven't been doing it because the sun shines right in to her room and it makes it really bright and she won't go.

I don't always sleep with her, just sometimes. Quite often I'll get up when she's asleep and go and do my housework.. or at least a bit of it. Gahhhhh

Snoozysleepthief Wed 14-Feb-18 20:46:03

I came on here tonight to write something almost exactly the same!! My baby is only 3 months but the fight at bedtime is unbelievable!! He is swaddled, has a dummy, white noise and we still struggle even though he is obviously knackered sad I’m stealing your mantra @missorganisedme and hoping it will pass as at the baby group I was at today other mums with babies the same age were talking about them going down to bed at 7:30 and sleeping for 12 hours straight!!! It’s a phase it’s a phase it’s a phase!!!

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:50:18

@Snoozysleepthief I stopped going to baby groups because they drove me mad. All these wonder babies with wonder mums.

There was mine, up all night, ratty and I was a mess (ha, was! I still am) and they were all done up and looked wonderful.

I swore if I heard 'it's the best job in the world!' One more time I'd throw sensory toys at people.

crazycatlady5 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:51:33

@Snoozysleepthief what a load of twoddle.

The scientific definition of ‘sleeping through the night’ is actually 5 hours in a row. So that might be 7pm-midnight and then frequent waking or midnight-5, or different variations. All babies are different.

Op, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. You won’t be doing it forever, I don’t believe anyone gets older and says ‘I cuddled my baby too much’. I still nap with my one year old when I’m not working etc and it’s a beautiful time as she’s growing up so quickly! I also feed her to sleep at bedtime on my bed. She needs me and she won’t forever x

Snoozysleepthief Wed 14-Feb-18 20:53:56

@frozenmargarita17 I’m with you!! Is it bad to secretly hope that the 4 month sleep regression hits them hard 🙈 it certainly can’t get much worse over here!!! (Best not to speak too soon right enough)🙈

jhb2013 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:59:47

We had this with our first DD, around the time when she was ready to drop a nap. Maybe you could try making her last nap of the day shorter? I always feel so cruel waking them up but my two year old would still nap half the afternoon and then be up most of the night if I let her!
It’s all a phase and this too will pass.

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 22:52:42

@crazycatlady5 you're right. And I do love to have a nap with her. I think I get stressed out about it because it just takes so long for her to go down at night. I suppose I just have to ride it out

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 14-Feb-18 22:54:23

@jhb2013 yeah maybe.. she's only just stared to have longer morning naps. Before it used to be 30min and that was that.
If we go out in the morning she usually doesn't sleep unless I'm walking lots and then we're in trouble because she will have a huge nap in the afternoon. Just trying to get the balance right is so hard !

Mathmatical Thu 15-Feb-18 09:34:59

I just came on here to write this exact post! My DD fights sleep so hard it's ridiculous. Her eyes can be drifting shut and she will wrench them open, flail her arms, bang her legs up and down and spit the dummy out.

We've been trying a routine to get her used to day time napping but so far it's just not working. I try to keep everything calm before nap time, do a story and into sleeping bag with dummy. She can fight it for up to 50 minutes despite clearly being tired - rubbing eyes and yawning.

I've tried less awake time, more awake time, more stimulation, less... she has been like this since she stopped falling asleep in our arms around 4 months old. She is 7 months now.

I'm going mad too and have PNA (anxiety) so just wanted to say I feel your pain.

FrozenMargarita17 Thu 15-Feb-18 21:03:15

@Mathmatical why is it so hard!!! I seriously hope that it gets better soon because I don't know what to do!

Mathmatical Thu 15-Feb-18 21:16:24

The thing is people say to me 'oh she's obviously just not tired then'. But I know her, and she is! She is so delightful after a long nap. She can only stay awake about two hours before getting ratty even though she's 7 months. She's just too into everything... I pictured babies as all snuggly and quiet. What an idiot I was. Lol.

FrozenMargarita17 Thu 15-Feb-18 22:25:17

Yeah..same.. well, she was tiny and cuddly and she used to fall asleep at any moment. Not now though!!

I hope it's a phase !!!

FartnissEverbeans Fri 16-Feb-18 16:47:50

DS was exactly the same! No problems when he was little, then he started fighting it.

It's just another phase I think. If I've learned one thing about having a baby it's that they're constantly changing - you think you've got a good sleeper, then boom, they're a nightmare and you're beside yourself with exhaustion - then they're back in a routine again a few weeks/months later, but it's a bit different.

So she might not go back to the way she was but it'll most likely get a lot better soon.

We went through a horrendous phase of bedtime tantrums. But now we're in the rather unbelievable position where tonight I asked 16mo DS 'are you tired?' And he nodded his head, said goodbye to his dad and his toys, went through to the bed and climbed in! Story and then straight to sleep.

I wonder how long this will last! But there is hope OP smile

Of course he screams like he's being tortured when we change his nappy...

FrozenMargarita17 Fri 16-Feb-18 17:01:08

Oh wow I can only dream of a child who voluntarily goes to bed. I'm trialling an earlier bedtime to see if it's because she's over tired. It's just trial and error constantly !!

FartnissEverbeans Fri 16-Feb-18 17:18:08

It's just trial and error constantly !!

Agree completely - and it's true of everything!

And when you do find a solution to the problem, suddenly the problem changes...

MigGril Fri 16-Feb-18 17:19:48

Fartniss is right it's nothing your doing wrong, babies go through phases and I can bet you now that many of those mum's who turn up to baby group looking great saying their babies sleep are not all telling the truth. A lot are to scared to be honest.

I had a difficult sleeper with my first. Went round in circles trying everything, was much easier when I learned to go with her changing sleeping habits. She also needed parenting to sleep which was hard work and tiring but she was a sensitive baby.

I found reading DrSears helpful. He is very pro cosleeping but it's about maximising sleep for everyone in the family really.

MigGril Fri 16-Feb-18 17:20:55

So true Fairness, that's why I say children are sent to challenge us.

FrozenMargarita17 Fri 16-Feb-18 20:06:39

Thank you. We've just ordered a bigger bed so now I can sleep in our bed with her instead of us two in our pokey spare bedroom which will be nice.

I'm just going to ride it out and try to not worry that I'm teaching her bad things.

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 26-Feb-18 18:53:24

We've had a terrible week's sleep. She's a bit snotty, now has 2 teeth. I feel like I'm losing the plot! I nap with her during the day but I feel like an absolute slob and I'm still shattered! It makes no difference!

Currently sitting outside her bedroom while she rolls about in her cot chatting.

Does anyone else get tired rage? I am so angry when I have to get up in the morning!!

Calmingvibrations Tue 27-Feb-18 19:49:26

I was usually pretty chilled out. Until I had a child. Now I oscillate between staring aimlessly into the distance, grunting the odd answer to my OH and shouting with rage at something minor (that may have just been in my head).

I hate having very little sleep. Almost as much as I hate hearing from other mums who complain their child’s sleep is AWFUL because they now wake once a night for a feed etc etc

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