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Co-sleeping stories

(63 Posts)
user1474460381 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:47:35

My DS is 10mo and from 6mo we put him to sleep in his own cot in his own room. At some point during the night he wakes and we bring him into our bed. We never made a conscious decision to co-sleep, it just happened naturally. DS sleeps better, DP and I sleep better and we're all happy with the set up. Despite this we get lots of negative comments, MIL especially likes to point out that at best we'll live to regret it as DS won't ever sleep alone again and at worst, it's tantamount to child neglect as we could kill DS hmm.

I just don't understand why all the negativity about co-sleeping in the UK. I'd love to hear how other co-sleeping parents have got on. How long did you co-sleep for and how did the transition to their own bed go?

crazycatlady5 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:51:03

I’m at 10 months and cosleeping was the best I ever did. People like to have negative comments about various things regarding parenting.

For what it’s worth various people I know coslept. One had baby in own room at 1, another at 18 months, another at 2. ‘Never’ is hilarious - imagine them popping back from uni to get into your bed?

What I will do is set up a floor bed in her own room once mine is sleeping better she hardly sleeps at the moment, bed in there for a little while, maybe a couple of weeks, and then sneak off.

You do what is best for your family and don’t listen to the scaremongers x

teaandbiscuitsforme Thu 23-Nov-17 11:59:54

I hate other people's opinions about cosleeping! They're so misinformed. Yes there are risks (as there are with anything!!) but you manage them.

I coslept with my DD until 16-17mo when we started to transition her into her own bed (full size single) and night wean. She loves her bed now, frequently says she's tired and loves to curl up in it. She's 2.5 now and has never been back into our bed because DH can lie with her if she's ill or something. 99% of the time, she goes to bed at 7:30 and we don't hear a peep until 6:30. I'm pretty happy with that considering everybody told us she'd never sleep alone, I'd BF forever, she had to sleep in a cot, DH and I would get divorced blah blah blah.

So now I'm cosleeping with my 10mo DS! grin I love the fact it isn't stressful, he sleeps really well (for a BF baby so feeding overnight wink) and DH is happy that DS is doing so well. We'll probably look to transition to a bed in about 6mo. Doesn't stop people making comments though! hmm

FortheloveofJames Thu 23-Nov-17 12:00:49

If co sleeping works for you, then ignore the comments and carry on. You know what’s best and it’s your baby. If you’re all happy at the moment why change it, tackle it when you’re both good and ready.

Co sleeping is natural and he norm in many cultures!

Also, my mum co slept with me, and we cenrtaintly weren’t in with her as teenagers!

Sipperskipper Thu 23-Nov-17 14:17:46

You just have to do what is right for you. Co sleeping can be very safe if guidance is followed - much safer than being totally exhausted and falling asleep on the sofa with your baby.

My mum never co slept with me, however as a teenager I loved getting in bed with her and snuggling up!

user1474460381 Thu 23-Nov-17 15:39:03

Thanks for your comments. Try as I might I cannot find any evidence that co-sleeping is anything other than positive so long as it's done safely. I'd love to know where the idea that co-sleeping spoils the child came from. People make vague comments about making rods for backs and suffering sex lives but give no real answer or personal experiences to back up their views. I know plenty of parents who didn't co-sleep yet have terrible sleepers but I'm struggling to find anyone at all who regrets sharing a bed with their babies.

Orangebird69 Thu 23-Nov-17 15:47:22

I've coslept with ds since he was 2 days old. He's now 25mo. Don't regret it for a second. I also ebfd (still bf now) and it really helped me get some sleep/rest in the early months. I do occasionally day dream of having a whole bed to myself without a head/foot in my face etc but I've no doubt I'll miss him when he's in his own bed.

evilgiraffe Thu 23-Nov-17 17:40:26

We coslept with each of our DDs until they were 6-7 months. It was the only way anyone could reliably get any sleep - DD1 in particular would wake as soon as she was put down otherwise. Both transitioned into cots without any trouble, and both are (barring illness) pretty good sleepers now (DD1 aged 3, DD2 aged 19 months).

I have no regrets about maximising everyone's sleep and making night breastfeeding simple!

Nottalotta Thu 23-Nov-17 21:54:09

I had a baby that wouldn't be put down. Wouldn't sleep alone at all ever. I started Co sleeping aroundo 7 weeks as he was waking every 40 minutes on the dot all night. Sooner sometimes. Ithe was really not planned, id always thought my friend ridiculous for having her babies in her bed. But, started Co sleeping and things got better. He still woe but I could just pop a boob out and doze. Once he could roll I started putting him to bed in his cot at bedtime (asleep) but could slept from his first wake up after I went to bed. After a few months I started putting him back in his cot after the first feed. At 12 months I started giving him cows milk at bedtime, he took a week or so before he preferred cows milk to boobs. At 13 months I started putting him in his cot awake and doing gradual withdrawal. By 15 months he was sleeping through (albeit waking early) and coming into bed for his first bf of the day.

I night weaned when he slept from 7 -5 without a bf no problems. (Between 13 and 15 months)
By 19 months he'd dropped the morning feed and was waking around 6 am.

20 months moved into own room. No problems.

Had had a total of 3 nights back in my bed when he was very poorly. 3 nights in a row last month (he's 2yrs 5months)

I had so many negative comments, friends, family, colleagues. I got to the stage of saying "if you wanna to come and feed/care for him in the night then feel free"

Ds2 is 9 months and has been in a cot with the side off up against my bed from the start.

Parisetoile Thu 23-Nov-17 22:10:12

I have 2 ds aged 10 and 16, 1 dd aged 6. All breaastfed on demand until roughly 1 year. All were put to bed in own cot then brought into bed for feed, when they woke up in night, often more than one feed! and fell asleep with me in the bed, whilst feeding. I had countless people tell me it was the road to ruin and I was making a rod for my own back etc. etc...however, I went with my instincts, and I treasure that time with my children. It felt so close and loving. I don't regret a minute of it, and as it is we are a close loving family who suited us, it felt so right to nurture a child in this way.....children now all sleep well in their own beds and have done for a long time!!!

elQuintoConyo Thu 23-Nov-17 22:27:42

We co-slept with ds until he was 3.5yo. He is now 6yo and i love it when he comes in to snuggle at the weekends.

Any unwanted comments just repeat: "well, each to their own" and change the subject immediately. It works with nosey opinionated bellends when they bang on about: bf/ff, rear-facing prams/weaning/potty training/colours of dc's clothes/length of dc's hair...

It is bum-numingly tedious and seems to be unending. Now at 6yo we have had comments like why doesn't ds have a tablet/Kindle (he'll be unpopularvwith his friends, apparently), why doesn't ds have a favourite superhero (how will he have a conversation about who's the best with his friends?), why doesn't ds like football - omfg the comments about this in particular have been ASTONISHING!

I quite often just laugh in their faces and say "Martha, you're so funny!" as if they were joking all along. Confuses people. Confusion is good grin

Sorry, i seem to have ranted a little!

user1474460381 Fri 24-Nov-17 08:18:01

Well that's decided then, I won't let anyone tell me I'm wrong to co-sleep. Being a FTM I do question myself sometimes but reading your lovely stories has reassured me. I'm pretty upfront so I'll be quite happy to challenge the opinion of anyone who tells me I'm making a rod for my back (that phrase should be banned).

And no need to apologise elQuinto, I'm not adverse to the odd rant myself grin

ChilliMum Fri 24-Nov-17 08:30:28

Another co-sleeper here. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Ds is 7 and although he has slept in his own bed sInce about 18 months still comes in about 4am and will quite happily snooze with me until after 8 at the weekend.

Dd is 11, she came in my room the other night as she had a nose bleed and wasn't feeling good. I invited her into my bed and she looked at me like I had suggested decapitation!

It passes way too soon op. Enjoy every moment of Co sleeping it's wonderful.

KatnissK Fri 24-Nov-17 08:45:12

I'm currently co-sleeping with my 5 month old and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! The first 2 months I battled and battled to get him in his moses basket - I would be awake nearly all night rocking him between feeds, I would sit up in an uncomfortable chair while he cluster fed for fear of falling was ridiculous. Then one day when he was about 8 weeks, I just thought to hell with this. I put the moses basket away, I sorted out the bed so we could safely share and I actually slept for a significant portion of that night! It was a revelation! He did actually go back in his basket for a while as we went through a brilliant sleeping phase where he was sleeping well so co-sleeping wasn't needed, but now he's waking up lots again it's straight back in with me. I think if it works, it's being done safely and it means you get to sleep then don't worry about it.

elQuintoConyo Fri 24-Nov-17 09:31:26

The expression "making a rod for your own back" doesn't really apply to co-sleeping - starfish for your own back" much more appropriate grin

I iften got woken by a flailing fist in the face, or stabby knee in the back, or squeezey neck hugs!

ZigZagandDustin Fri 24-Nov-17 09:35:08

It's not for me beyond 7 months. I can't cope with being woken all the time and forced to sleep in certain positions and having my quiet chill out and sleeping space invaded. But I do cosleep from birth with all of mine and it works great until they start getting alert.

The negativity I have about cosleeping is people doing it and then moaning about not getting sleep 'for 3 yrs' etc etc. That's what can happen, yes. Not always but if you put a self interested tornado in your bed every night, well, that's your problem.

Halfdrankbrew Fri 24-Nov-17 11:36:24

Our first child just refused to sleep in the Moses basket, she wanted to sleep on/with us. I didn't plan on doing it but we'd pretty much have her in with us every night. I never told anyone we did it as I knew it is frowned upon. She went into a cot in her own room no problem at 7 months. She's nearly 2 now and has been in our bed quite a few times lately but we've had another baby so I think she just feels a bit left out knowing he's in with us.

Second baby (now 4 month old) I started with good intentions but he's done the same, usually starts the night in the basket but once I get him out to feed I just co-sleep. Works great for us.

It's only when there's 4 of us in the bed that it's a squeeze, I'm currently looking at getting a queen sized bed grin.

user1474460381 Fri 24-Nov-17 12:39:16

Aaah the squeezy neck hugs are my favourite...a fish hook to the nostril not so much!

I have to agree with your point ZigZag. People seem to forget sometimes that they can always change a situation that isn't working for them. Maybe they wrongly believe that it's going to be really hard to get their kids back in their own beds full time? Judging by everyone's comments it seems that it's not the case at all.

AdultHumanFemale Fri 24-Nov-17 17:33:35

My DC (4 and 7) still come in every night and I don't mind in the slightest. We have always coslept, and they only 'moved out' to their own room aged 5 and 2. I have always felt that I got enough sleep (have massive bed) and have loved never having to get out of my bed to feed or settle my DC in their own beds. They are both fine sleeping at relatives' homes, and the oldest enjoys sleep overs with friends. No problems.

Girlsworld92 Fri 24-Nov-17 19:06:16

My 3yo goes to sleep brilliantly in her own Room but every night she wakes to come through into our bed. It’s quite cute especially on days like this morning when she just kept snuggling in, cuddling me and telling me she loves me. Not so cute when she has a restless night and I’m kicked in the back constantly. It won’t last forever though x

mrsfilm Sat 25-Nov-17 06:56:43

My DD is 10 months old. Generally goes down ok in her own cot at night; although a few issues recently but think that is down to teething.

She now regularly wakes crying in the middle of the night and I take her into the spare bed with me. I am worried that this is the wrong thing to be doing and she has come to rely on this and sometimes wants to party at 3 or 4 am. But it seems to be kinder than trying a sleep technique that allows her to cry. Was considering putting the mattress on the floor in her room - thoughts??

I would love to be able to sleep in my own bed with DH; but he won't allow DD to sleep there too and I am paranoid he gets enough sleep while I am still on Mat Leave.

The ideal would be for DD to sleep through the night in her own cot - just wondering how you get from co-sleeping to solo sleeping without too much upset.

I don't see it happening for a while but looking for some advice. Thanks.

neveradullmoment99 Sat 25-Nov-17 07:00:30

I think it's natural. I felt secure and so did my dd. She still comes through early in the morning for a cuddle at 6. I just think that most animals would sleep with their young and not in completely different places.

user1472377586 Sat 25-Nov-17 07:21:53

Mrsfilm it's very easy to go from cosleeping to child sleeping in own cot/ bed easily, but the child has to be ready for it.

All 3 of our children coslept and transitioned easily into their own beds around the age of 18 month to 2 to be honest! That was with no crying etc.

Mattress on the floor in her room is worth a try. i.e. you could sleep on the mattress and pat /comfort her as best you can... but far easier for both dd and you to sleep on the mattress on the floor in her room as you won't get a lot of sleep if you are 'on duty' settling her through the night.

I found my babies learnt to self settle next to me while cosleeping.

The best sleep advice I know was given to me by my dear mother. She told me that a parent has to take steps to make the going to sleep experience a positive, happy one for the child.

Has your dd got a special sleeping stuffed animal? Some children like quite large toys to cuddle - my eldest child wouldn't bond with any toy until we found a large bear with almost poodle-like soft fur. It was nice for him to touch, and we used it to wean him off cuddling me, to cuddling the bear. Once he was bonded with the bear, when he woke up, I could murmur to him to "cuddle Blue Bear...sleepy sleep".

Minxmumma Sat 25-Nov-17 07:24:47

I never co slept with my eldest 3 - was a staunch advocate of putting them to bed as this is what family insisted was best. They were all formula fed as well.

Little one is just a year bf and we co sleep from when she wakes at 2ish for a feed. She is happier and we are not exhausted from turning the nights into a battle ground.

My MIL has a little gripe on occasion but it is more because she wanted baby to stay at hers and our choices hve impeded that.

Redken24 Sat 25-Nov-17 08:20:38

I didn't Co sleep but of course have had nights where dd won't sleep or is crying and nothing is settling her apart from being in my arms. Of course I would take her to my bed because if we both can sleep then that's what best for her. I really.liked the pp who said oh are u coming to deal with them through the night? Oh sweet mama next time that what I be saying

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