Napping Independently and pickup putdown

[Sunnyx]

My DS is 6 months and I really want to work on him falling asleep by himself for naps. I bf and I normally feed to sleep for naps. I know he has self settle as he does it on a night and has no problem linking sleep cycles. He also occasionally self settles for naps but this is quite rare.

I don’t mind feeding to sleep overall for naps but he is currently babysat once a week and with winter coming, I don’t really want him to have to go outside in the pram to get to sleep.

So was thinking of doing pickup putdown - I really want minimal crying.

My question is do I have to pick up? What if he doesn’t winge/cry, do I still stick to the intervals?

[FATEdestiny]

You only need pick baby up if upset and you are unable to settle baby in the cot.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

If he doesn’t cry don’t pick up! You pick him up as soon as he cries, out him down as soon as he stops. I didn’t use intervals at all. Rinse and repeat until settles.

[Sunnyx]

Did it work for you my kingdom?

[turquoise88]

When my DD was around 6 months time would put her down in cot, explain that it was nap time and leave the room. If she began to cry, I’d leave it for a few minutes, go in, quick cuddle, reiterate nap time and put her down again. Never took more than 3-4 times before she eventually would fall asleep independently. I also breastfed to sleep in the beginning.

[Sunnyx]

What do you do if they cry again as soon as you put down? Pick back up or leave for a couple of mins?

[turquoise88]

I’d leave, give them chance to self settle for a few mins and then return.

[RandomMess]

I always picked mine up as soon as they were unhappy. In my mind that was reassuring I would always be there/arrive if they were upset. It was all about reassuring them that they are ok in their cot awake.

I don’t agree with leaving them to cry/be upset - shouting/making a noise ok but not upset.

[beansbananas]

You need to think about the crying on a scale. 1 being barely a whinge, 10 being the worst sound you’ve ever heard. Obviously you never let it get to 10! When the crying reaches a 6 or 7, you go in, try to reassure them in their cot but if need be pick them up to calm them down. Then place them back in cot, repeat the same thing, e.g. night night it’s sleepy time now, and walk out the room. If they cry you keep walking out and only return when it reaches a certain level again. If the crying is constant then return at different intervals. Apparently they learn that if they cry in a certain way, you’ll come back, and so will go straight to that if you don’t vary your response rates. For us it took about 45 mins the first night to settle her and then gradually every night the amount of time reduced. Now she will go to sleep within ten minutes and I don’t have to go back in at all.

[crazycatlady5]

beansbananas That is controlled crying not pick up put down like OP asked about which is far gentler especially on a young baby.

[Sunnyx]

Thanks all. I can stand a little whinging but if I can see/hear he’s upset, I draw the line there at this age. I guess the trick is to not give in. Hopefully it has worked for everyone?

[chloechloe]

There seems to be a lot of mixing up here of pick up put down (pupd) and controlled crying (cc).

With pupd as advocated by the Baby Whisperer, you never leave the baby. When he cries you pick up then put him down as soon as he settles. Stay there and repeat until he sleeps, then leave. The idea is that the baby learns that when he needs you (and cries) you will be there to comfort him but that he should learn to fall asleep in the cot. CC is a very different, less gentle technique. If you have taken a more attachment parenting approach until now I would say that pupd is the better option.

From recollection pupd is recommended for older babies, e.g. 8 months on. The Baby Whisperer talks about shush pat for smaller babies. I would however see what works best with your baby as some prefer one technique over the other.

Hope that helps. If you do want to go with pupd the Baby Whisperer forum would be good to read for more info.

[RandomMess]

@Sunnyx your comment “not to give in” - try and change your mindset to your baby is learning something new, it takes how long it takes. For 6 months they’ve learnt to get to sleep in one way now all of a sudden you expect them to do it on a cot in their own. If they are upset then pick the up - that’s different to a tired grizzle.

With my youngest I did PUPD when she was a few weeks old so I’m no
Attachment Parenting type Mum but leaving a baby to cry is very distressing for them.

[Sunnyx]

I just tried pupd for his midday nap - didn’t go well. He got very upset. I tried for 45 minutes but seems to be getting worse. I gave up and fed to sleep 🙁

[RandomMess]

It will take time. I would feed him and then wake him up so a bit drowsy still...

Aim for cuddling to sleep without feeding as a first step?

[archersfan3]

I tried PUPD with my first and it really didn't work for me because baby didn't stop crying when I picked him up (if anything he cried more - great for my self-esteem as a mum!) - I think he had a really strong association between me picking him up and being fed so picking him up and putting him down again just confused him. So just a word of caution that it doesn't work for all babies!
I'm hoping number 2 will be more amenable to this sort of method!

[crazycatlady5]

I gave up and fed to sleep

I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself and your baby. Just because he’s babysat once a week doesn’t mean you have to suddenly teach him to sleep on his own. Babies are very adaptable when it comes to going to sleep with other people. Can the sitter for example use a sling? Also, I’m sure he’ll be going out sometimes through the day, not just staying in all day? Therefore he will probably end up going out in the Pram anyways x

[Sunnyx]

I will have to try again tomorrow. I did leave him in his cot (for what felt like ages but probably only a minute) while he cried and I tried to settle him in there. I guess I’ll try tomorrow with picking up to settle every time he starts crying.

[silenceisadistantmemory]

When he is babysat, does he have a bottle?

Can your babysitter not give him a bottle and then cuddle him to sleep?

That’s what my DH did with my EBF DS at that age.

[Sunnyx]

He doesn’t take to a bottle well and I’m now mainly giving him solids for the babysitter to give him as it easier 🤔

[crazycatlady5]

Baby is going to need lots of night feeds and feeding in the evening then if having no milk in the day (only solids) as milk is their main source of nutrition until one. I honestly would carry on the way you are and the sitter will need to find her/his own way to get baby to sleep, he will adapt! X

[Sunnyx]

Crazycatlady babysitter only has him 1 1/2 day and I haven’t found him waking up more in the night. Weirdly the opisite’

[riddles26]

I sleep trained my daughter with PUPD shortly before she turned 6 months and it was successful. In your situation, I agree with others that children are adaptable and will often settle with other people in different ways - is it worth trying that with babysitter first before approaching sleep training? If, however, you want him to fall asleep alone for naps and sleep in general, including at home, then consider PUPD.

With regards to sleep training, if you do choose to go ahead, you need to completely commit to it. Not doing it consistently prolongs the process and is confusing for the baby as they don't understand what you want them to do. So, for example, if you give up after 45 minutes, then baby has realised that by resisting for 45 minutes they have got you to feed them to sleep. As it was your first attempt, this isn't so important and it takes around an hour the first time anyway but if it were your 2nd or 3rd day, then you would take a step back instead of progressing.

[Sunnyx]

Thanks riddles. Just knowing a time frame is good. Another 15 mins and maybe he would have gone to sleep!

[riddles26]

It can take longer too (hopefully not for you) - if you go ahead be prepared for it to take ages (always feels even longer than it actually is) and to pick up and put him down 50+ times the first time. As long as you are consistent after that day, it gets faster and faster from there.

Also, build in a wind down routine - something as simple as putting sleeping bag on and cuddle in the dark is enough - so he associates that with nap time and learns that it’s time to sleep whenever you (or anyone else) does that with him. Once our sleep associations were formed, life got so much easier, especially if not at home or if someone other than me was putting my daughter down.