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Opinions on co sleeping?

(46 Posts)
Nainer123 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:08:19

I co sleep with my baby. I've done a ton of research on it. I find I sleep a lot better and my baby sleeps a lot better. We started with the moses basket but he hates it, tried all the tricks of the trade. He would sleep when I'm with me.

The reason I'm asking people's opinions/experiences is I'm a ftm and nothing has felt instinctual to me as co sleeping does. Not even breastfeeding. When we were persevering with the moses basket ect I literally felt I was fighting nature.

Nainer123 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:08:58

As instinctual

8DaysAWeek Mon 06-Nov-17 20:14:46

If you asked me the day before I gave birth if I’d bed share I’d say no way! But I totally surprised myself with how baby led I was as a mother and I too felt a very instinctual need to keep him close to me. Also, it was the safest way for us to sleep as he HATED the cosleeper crib we had (even though it was attached to the bed, he wanted to be closer!) and I made the decision to bed share safely rather than accidentally fall asleep in an unsafe position.

Lots of people bed share, and I reckon way more do than will admit it.

FizzyWaterAndElderflower Mon 06-Nov-17 20:19:11

First baby we tried to do it all right - separate cot, thermometers, correct number of layers etc... DS1 though, wasn't having any of it, he was feeding virtually continuously, then finally about 6 weeks/2 months DP brought him into our bed, and we finally started to get some sleep - I honestly don't remember the first few weeks we were so sleep deprived.

It was so easy and successful that we didn't even buy a cot for the second - he just came straight in with us from the beginning, then into a shared bed with his brother once he made it clear he was done with breast feeding (and us). They sleep in separate beds now, but if we're away somewhere we can all still bundle together (well, if king size) and it just brings them so much comfort.

Nainer123 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:22:46

Yeah I agree I think more people do than admit. I can understand why, the judgement especially from the safety side of things, which is why I looked into it so much. But my dp how one of.his colleagues had said to him " oh your baby has you under the thumb " because he mentioned I have him the the bed. What does that even mean! Unreal.

It really surprised me how strong the instinct to have him with me was

Callamia Mon 06-Nov-17 20:22:58

Oh Fizzy, we’ve done just the same and I’m happy to hear that someone else did this.

I love hearing all of them breathing at the same time quietly at night. Even though it generally means that someone is unwell...

MoodyOne Mon 06-Nov-17 20:23:01

I was exhausted when I had DS , about 2 weeks in my midwife came tucked me in bed and showed me the ‘safe co sleeping position’
It practically saved my breastfeeding!y current view is in bed with my 9 month old feeding him to sleep.
He does go in the cot sometimes but most of the time he is in with me. I do get wobbles about ‘rod for my own back’ and ‘teaching bad habits’ but honestly he is the happiest baby I know and if sharing my bed for a few years makes him realise mummy is always here then that’s fine with me!
(Although every single baby is different and they change like the wind)

InDubiousBattle Mon 06-Nov-17 20:28:46

With our first, ds we had a horrific first 2-3 weeks following SIDS advice to the letter. We seriously took it in turns to sleep for 11 days straight. We then spent several nights getting ds into his moses basket where he actually settled quite well. We were just more comfortable knowing that he was sleeping in the safest possible place. With dd I sent dp to the spare room and brought dd into bed with me from day 1. Once bf was a bit more established and she was going more than 1 hour before feeding dp came back and we all slept together. We gradually moved her into her crib for at least some of the night but it was 8-9 months (when she stopped bf during the night)that she slept in her cot all night. I would put her into her cot until whenever she wanted a feed then couldn't be bothered to re settle her in her cot so just brought her into our bed!

elQuintoConyo Mon 06-Nov-17 20:33:19

I too thought co-sleeping was for lentil-weaving type parents until we had a child blush

DS would.not.sleep.anywhere other than with us. So as of night 3 at home, he came in with us and left at 3.8yo! I still love ot when we wale up in the morning to find he has snuck in during the night for whatever reason. He is 6yo.

We set his room up with a big bed and he played in it for a couple of days until we just put him to bed alone one night and bam - straight to sleep. He has been a really good sleeper, no whining to come downstairs, no prevaricating with 'just another story', lights out and off the Sleepytown.

Luckily no one has made any comments on how we choose to raise ds: cot/co sleeping, bf/ff, dummy, reins/no reins, balance bike/stabilisers etc, we just don't seem to meet such nosey idiots grin

ButtMuncher Mon 06-Nov-17 20:33:59

Do whatever feels best for you my love. Co sleeping was never an option for me due to medication but I was reasonably lucky in that I had a baby who was happy to go into a moses. It relies so much on how baby feels.

DangerMouse17 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:34:14

It's a totally natural and instinctive thing to do. I never really told anyone for fear of being judged, but it was so easy and any movement my ds made I was completely aware of. There was never any worry for me about anything bad happening. I used to lie with him on my chest when he was tiny and we'd have a good few hours kip. We kept in the same position like logs! He moved into his own room at 3 but often comes and sleeps with me still. I never say no really...he is my child and he wont be a child forever!

Nainer123 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:44:12

I' glad there are many people who do/have done it. No one I know in rl is/has or at least they haven't said. So its nice to hear some experiences. I think if we tried to do moses basket or cot now if really miss the cuddles! Apart from anything else sleep wise I love the cuddles haha grin and youre right DangerMouse they aren't babies for long, I'll get all the baby cuddles in I can haha

InDubiousBattle Mon 06-Nov-17 20:47:43

I should also say that I think most parents have their dc in their beds sometimes. Ds won't sleep with us at all now, never has and I think that's quite unusual really. My sister slept with all of her babies and I can still remember getting into my parents bed so I must have been fairly big!

Summerisdone Mon 06-Nov-17 20:48:56

I'd say absolutely do what works for you and baby, and if that means co-sleeping then go for it. You both get more sleep this way and surely that's better for the pair of you.

I've co-slept with my DS from about 2-3 months (when he was getting too long and fidgety to stay in the Moses basket) and he's now 3YO and still sleeps with me.
It may not work for everyone, but it does for us, and I suppose as it's nearly always been just us two then it's not had any negative impact.

doodle01 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:52:19

Co sleeping is so dangerous if you put baby near a piece of moving machinery you would freeze with fear so placing next to a sleeping rolling body is recipe for disaster

gillybeanz Mon 06-Nov-17 20:53:01

I think it's a wonderful thing to do for your child.
I also think with some people it's instinct to want to be that close with their child/en.

It wasn't for us as we both smoke and drink, not to excess but the odd glass here and there.
We liked our haven away from kids, they never even came in our room let alone our bed.
If one of them was ill we'd make a put me up in their room before we'd allow them in ours.

Everyone is different, but I think if you want to co sleep it must be a lovely time for you all thanks

gingerchick Mon 06-Nov-17 20:57:35

As the mother of an 8 year old who still sleeps with me and an 11 year old who has ASD who sleeps on a mattress on my bedroom floor I say while they are little it’s fine but don’t make the mistakes I did !

SandSnakeofDorne Mon 06-Nov-17 20:58:15

That's some ignorant rambling nonsense from doodle01, just ignore it.

I've coslept with both of mine, neither have been great sleepers so it's been necessary! They're both lovely and cuddly, little hot water bottles.

RedPandaMama Mon 06-Nov-17 20:59:11

I'd never have chosen to do it but it's the best thing I did. DD is 3 months now. First 2 weeks she was in a side sleeper cot and I had her out every two hours all night to be breastfed, I was exhausted falling asleep sat up, trying to put her back down when she fell to sleep and most of the time she'd wriggle and wake back up.

Figured safely sleeping in our bed was much better than me falling asleep with her and her crying herself to sleep in the cot. And to be honest it just feels so natural and, like you said, instinctual, now, that I'd do it with the next baby I have without question. I get lots of jibes from my mum about how she'll never want to go into her own bed etc. but to be honest it doesn't bother me. If she goes into her own cot at 6 months or it takes until she's 3, it's fine. I just want her happy and cuddling a small warm person to sleep is lovely. smile

FortheloveofJames Mon 06-Nov-17 21:01:26

DS is almost 6 months are for the first 3 I had to cope sleep with him as a way of survival as he was a terrible sleeper and wouldn’t sleep anywhere else other than cuddled in close to me. Even though we have a next to me crib, most of the time those few extra cms were too much for my DS. Even for the 4th month he was half and half in the bed with me. When BF it is just so much easier for the early days. Co sleeping is absolutely fine if done safely and mostly using common sense. Everyone always used to say to me oh you shouldn’t be doing that you could roll on him, however I knew I never would, it’s like you have a built in sensor.

DS spent the majority of first 12 weeks continuously crying during the day so I actually loved those late night cuddles. The only reason we don’t co sleep anymore is it actually disturbs him more now he likes to move around more, however I have no hesitation bringing him in with us if he’s having a bad night or he’s unwell etc

Co sleeping has been done since the dawn of time and is still the norm in many cultures.

There’s nothing more natural than having your baby close. Do what feels right for you mama smile

RedPandaMama Mon 06-Nov-17 21:04:44

@doodle01 how can you compare a safe cosleeping parent to moving machinery? confused As the child's mother there are natural instincts and, done safely (not intoxicated, non-smoking etc) co-sleeping is very safe. I sleep in the 'c' position around my baby and haven't ever even moved in the night, let alone rolled on to her! It's very instinctual to know they're there and, her being a loud breather and quite wriggly, I don't forget it. I wake at least once an hour and flick the screen on on my phone to check she's okay. She always is.

For some people co-sleeping the only option to save their sanity, relationship, and allow them to get any sleep, so please don't make parents feel like they're endangering their child when they've done everything they can to make it as safe as possible.

Nainer123 Mon 06-Nov-17 21:12:36

doodle I can hand on heart say that i wake up in the same position I fall asleep in. Ive not gone into a deep sleep yet and any movement from my baby wakes me up instantly. Like for the love ofJames says it's like a built in sensor.

In My opinion it shouldn't be treated like a big taboo. I feel it should be openly discussed and midwives and health visitors should ask how you plan on sleeping with your baby when they ask how you plan on feeding your baby then people can be educated from the begining about it.

I don't mean it should be encouraged but I feel if it is more openly spoken about maybe people would not feel ashamed to admit the co sleep and more likely to seek information. Because I agree I think a lot more people do it than would admit.

TwiceAsNice22 Mon 06-Nov-17 21:20:33

I think I would have had a mental breakdown if I hadn't co slept. My twins were waking every hour and nursing around the clock, it was exhausting. I would sit on the couch with my huge twin nursing pillow and after falling asleep and having one nearly fall off the pillow, I decided it was much safer to co sleep. I was very careful (no blanket or pillow near them, I'm a light sleeper and I used a pool noodle under the fitted sheet to prevent them rolling off the bed). I was still exhausted but we all got more sleep. And it was nice having them close to me after they had been in Special Care and I hadn't been able to hold them much. Of course they are now 3 and still come into my room every night when they wake up.

gillybeanz Mon 06-Nov-17 21:22:08

OP, if it's any consolation I got judged just as badly for not allowing kids in our bedroom.
Some people even said we were weird.
Both of us have good relationships with our dc, were very cuddly/still are and one's 26 grin
There are many reasons why some people would choose not to, but I agree with you it should be discussed more openly and given as an opportunity to new parents.
Gosh, we have chosen opposite stances on this subject and I would never dream of judging you or anyone else who chose to co sleep.
Unless I knew there baby was at risk through something they'd overlooked.
I'm sure you have, but just double check you have all up to date research and knowledge.
Good luck thanks

MrsBonato Mon 06-Nov-17 21:25:40

It's even more common in some European countries and Japan etc.

I came to question myself of why I would put the child whose whole life pretty much depends on me and has been inside me for the previous 9 months, away from me to sleep? Didn't make sense so I just went with it.

I had a sibling die from sids, in an apparent safe sleeping position. It was a great fear of all of ours so I was incredibly aware of it and still decided to co sleep, backed by my parents and DH. My sibling died in a Moses basket, on his back, in a sleepsuit with a blanket over him (not his face)

My DH works away all week so ds is still in with me. He sleeps by himself most of the night as he goes to bed at 7 and I don't go until much later. It works for us.

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