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When to take action after 10 month regression? Getting weary.

(10 Posts)
RD82 Thu 02-Nov-17 08:15:23

My daughter is 10 months old. She’s never been a great sleeper, she was up maybe 2/3 times a night before the 8/9/10 month regression hit her like a tonne of bricks and has meant her night sleep has been 95% diabolical for the last 3 months - we’re talking up anywhere between 5-12 times a night. There were a couple of random nights a few weeks ago where she only woke up once a night that seem like some sort of amazing dream. We then had a holiday abroad, teething, nap transition from 3 to 2, learning to cruise, 2 weeks of illness etc which have all contributed.

She is BF and on 3 meals a day with the odd snack and milk feeds inbetween. I really try to make sure everything is full fat and plenty of carbs/protein etc. She has always been on the small side and is now tracking on the 9th centile, weaning took a while to establish so I continued doing night feeds a couple of times a night at least to make sure we wasn’t hungry. Once she’s decided she’s had enough food, that’s it - she can’t be tempted to overeat like some babies. Her day time sleep is easy and good IMO, she now generally has two naps a day, normally an hour in the morning and perhaps an hour to 2 hours in the afternoon after lunch, sometimes in the car but normally in her cot, going into the cot drowsy but awake after a cuddle and dummy, white noise & blackout blind. Night time routine is always the same - dinner 4.45-5pm, bath 5.45-6pm, and bed between 6.30-7pm. Putting her down is no problem, again goes down drowsy but awake with dummy after a cuddle. Sometimes she wakes once or twice before we go to bed but generally her best stint of sleep is from bedtime - midnight.

Night times after midnight are a different story, she’s up so much we barely have a 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I’ve tried giving her less naps, more naps, a formula top up after her bath, days full of activity and physical exercise at soft play to wear her out, days at home following a regimented GF-recommended nap schedule but nothing has worked. Not even a glimmer. When she wakes, first port of call is dummy back in, lay her back down on her side or her front to try and soothe her back to sleep. This often works for an hour or so, then she’ll wake up inconsolable and unsoothable using these methods, so we’ll pick her up, put her back down again when she’s pretty much fully asleep. Then the whole process with start again about an hour later or less and i’ll end up feeding her as I’m so tired and don’t have the fight in me to deal with her screaming and crying without feeding or picking up. Repeat x 5/8/10 times. I don't mind feeding her once or twice for comfort but the stage we're at now is ridiculous, she's waking up more than a newborn.

My question is - obv all the teething/illness/8/9/10 month sleep regression need to be taken into account, but at what point do I take action? As she’s 10 months now, do I wait till 11months so I know the regression is over? I don’t mind doing a bit of spaced soothing/CC whatever you want to call it if its going to help her as I’m pretty sure such an extended period of crap night time sleep is not doing any of us any favours.

Well done if you got that far! Just thought I should include as much detail as possible. Would appreciate anyone’s advice whose been through a similar extended period of dreadful sleep. I’m getting pissed off because I feel like I’m doing everything you’re supposed to do and its not working.

RD82 Thu 02-Nov-17 08:18:41

Oh forgot to add her room is adequately warm, usually 20-22, and the heating comes on low at about 4am when it gets cooler.

Nan0second Thu 02-Nov-17 12:03:57

I would do controlled crying in your boat.
Baby isn't linking sleep cycles together which is the main problem. She needs to be going in the cot awake ideally and with teeth brushing after milk so not too drowsy.
You need to decide whether you're going to night wean at the same time (I would).
It's hard but likely to cause a massive improvement.

chloechloe Thu 02-Nov-17 12:47:54

Hi there. I'm in a similar position with my 10mo who has been a terrible sleeper since 4mo. She will soothe herself to sleep in her cot but wakes up 8-10 times every night without exception. The first few wake ups she will go back to sleep with a dummy but after 9pm it generally needs a BF to get her back to sleep.

Our local hospital does sleep consultations and after meeting with a child psychologist there and our pediatrician I started night weaning 3 nights ago. I can't bring myself to do CC so I stay with her but there's no milk at all now in the night.

I was also for a long time torn between feeling I had to do something (but not sure what) and riding it out. But the final straw was when I was asked about our plans to night wean at a playgroup (having mentioned it before) and I burst into tears. I hadn't realized how much the broken nights were getting to me.

The AP crew will say that it is natural for babies to seek comfort in the night and that extended BFing is the way forward, especially given everything babies go through in the first few years (which you've mentioned above). I understand the point of view, but I think then you find yourself in the position of still BFing a 2 or 3 year old which for me is not an option.

Personally I think now is a good time to night wean and do some sleep training. I wouldn't do it with a baby under 6 months but I think it gets harder the older the baby is. This is the advice of the sleep clinic too.

I think if you wait for the right time, there will always be some hurdle. The 10 month regression, then walking, the 18 month regression, teething and immunization which are ongoing in the first 2 years etc etc.

But at the end of the day you know your baby best and you have to decide what is right for your family. I feel much better since I've taken the step to night wean. It has given me a lot of relief even though the nights have been hard, albeit not as bad as expected.

The only thing I would advise is speaking to your doctor if you do decide to drop night feeds as 9th percentile is quite low.

Good luck whatever you decide. Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay, but I hope it has helped!

FATEdestiny Thu 02-Nov-17 13:44:36

When she wakes, first port of call is dummy back in, lay her back down on her side or her front to try and soothe her back to sleep. This often works for an hour or so, then she’ll wake up inconsolable and unsoothable using these methods....

This sounds like hunger. It could be pain waking her up (teething for example) but if this has been happening for a significant amount of time then it's more likely calorie related then pain.

I agree with PP that baby should be going into cot completely awake, so shift the cuddles away from bedtime. Milk, teeth, bed fully awake.

Even without you mentioning baby's small size though, the main thing that struck me from your post was that baby sounded hungry.

RD82 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:19:12

Thank you for all your replies, I appreciate it.

If I put her into her cot not adequately drowsy, she starts arching her back, crying & trying to sit up.

A couple of days a go she just wouldn't settle at all, even when I picked her up, so I comforted her whilst she was in the cot with sssssh & stroking....then when she was calm I'd leave the room. She then cries properly with tears. I'd wait 2 mins then go back in. I think it took an hour of this for her to go to sleep. By the end of it I felt as if I'd had the life force sucked out of me, it was just a miserable experience. Then to make matters worse, the following day she went on a BFing strike for 2 days. Hard not to think it wasn't connected, never happened before.

She's BFing again now but I was a hormonal mess when she stopped, worried sick too - and now I feel quite fearful of doing anymore controlled crying/spaced soothing. I just don't know how to approach this.

If anyone could tell me how to do the gentlest version of controlled crying that worked for them I'd appreciate it, I feel like I only know bits & bobs that I've picked up off here.

I'm starting to get quite miserable tbh, this has gone on so long without any respite.

RD82 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:23:21

I should also add that she's been eating a decent amount & a still BFing at night 2 or 3 times.

FATE - re. Hunger, I don't know how I can physically get any more food or milk in her, she just will not have it once she's decided she's done...have tried offering little & often, and of course 3 meals a day with things I know she likes.

crazycatlady5 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:34:18

As with everything, it all passes. I am right there with you currently, I’ve lost count of how many times she’s waking at night. It’s been weeks but I know it is just a phase. I have been going to bed at 9.30 some nights to make the most of the waking grin not fun but it’s not forever. Although I don’t expect her to sleep through the night after the regression I do expect she’ll go back to only waking a couple of times a night. Hang in there mama I’m with you flowers is cosleeping through the worst of it an option for you?

RD82 Thu 09-Nov-17 12:36:42

Thanks for the solidarity 👊🏻

Yeah I do co sleep when I'm at the end of my tiredness tether or if my partner & I have busy days ahead of us & need a few hours of unbroken sleep. I feel it's just perpetuating the problem of her not being able to go back to sleep by herself though. So a short term solution for us really.

teaandbiscuitsforme Thu 09-Nov-17 12:48:48

OP It’s tough! My 10mo old is going through a rough patch at the moment as well and it’s definitely movement and teeth related! We cosleep so get through it that way. Could you accept it for a few months and see if she naturally settles a bit more? I appreciate the ideal for you would be in her cot though!

For me, less than 12mo is quite young for night weaning but I know many others do it. However, I’d be cautious if she is quite small, especially after a strike and if she’s not eating a lot, Jay Gordon has some gentle night weaning advice for post 12mo. With my DD, I started night weaning from about 16mo. Things are a lot calmer by that point and it is much easier so I’m planning a similar timescale with my DS.

Are you catching up with sleep during the day? I love my lunchtime lie down/snooze when my two are napping!

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