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Going to start controlled crying tonight. Please hold my hand!

(114 Posts)
Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 18:36:14

Going to start CC with DS 10 months tonight. He's been a terrible sleeper since birth. First colicky, then just waking +8 times a night, will only go back to sleep breastfeeding. I've tried co-sleeping but he just wakes up even more and wants to BF all night long and I end up exhausted. Going back to work in two weeks so need to sort this out. Am at the brink of breakdown from exhaustion. Have got him down to falling asleep on his own (always crying for about 5-10 mins then out) but then he wakes after around 3 hours and will scream until he gets picked up and breastfed back to sleep. Have tried letting him cry for first wake up and it normally takes +1 hour before he gives up. He's in our room so I can see him while he cries.

My plan is tonight put him in his own room and do the controlled crying within where you increase the periods between coming in and reasussinf with 2 mins. Also will offer him bottle the first time he wakes up to ensure he's not hungry but will avoid boob association.

I'm so scared of cracking as I'm so tired and can't beatbox hearing him cry. But feel I've tried everything!

To note, this is my second child. The first one (now 3) was breastfed to sleep until she was 16 months, she just fed to sleep and then fell asleep and slept through the night from around 8 months. If she woke up I'd BF her back to sleep. Just to say I don't know what's up with this kid, why he's so different from his sister.

Any advice or support very welcome!

Ragwort Tue 31-Oct-17 18:41:53

I think you are brave to post on Mumsnet about it as so many mumsnetters are really anti CC.

Personally I think you are doing the right thing, good luck.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 31-Oct-17 18:43:34

I think you're doing the right thing. With my son it took 40 minutes the first night, 30 minutes the second and zero seconds even from then on. He assures me now he wasn't scarred by it! It's hard, though, but just think, this time next week it won't be a problem.

Waytoogo Tue 31-Oct-17 18:44:30

Good luck, CC is hard but it worked for us. DS and I were both so much happier once he was getting a proper night's sleep.

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 18:45:47

Haha I guess you're right, but I suppose nothing anyone can say will shake me, as I was myself vehemently against CC until I had this one! ; ) with my first child I was mrs Mother Earth perfect, co-slept loads, breastfed, did music classes, steamed vegetables and she only
Played with wooden toys etc etc. I thought I hadn't it nailedwink

I would frown upon people doing CC and think 'poor them that they can't just be more loving and stretch themselves more for the sake of the child. They'll psychologically damage that poor baby. Tsk tsk what's wrong with people". Well, karma is a bitch ; )

MoodyOne Tue 31-Oct-17 18:59:08

I don’t personally agree with controlled crying, but having a 9.5 month who is up every 1-2 hours then BF back to sleep I can understand how you’ve got to this point.

I hope it works for you and I’m holding your hand !

Don’t forget you can’t pour from an empty cup x

Ropsleybunny Tue 31-Oct-17 19:03:22

You're definitely doing the right thing. Everyone needs a good night's sleep. If you stick to it, it works really well and quickly. Don't start doing it if you're not prepared to stick to it.

Your DC will not remember a thing about it. You will be more upset than they are. Have a hand hold from me.

SweepTheHalls Tue 31-Oct-17 19:04:09

It saved our sanity
Good luck

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:06:16

Thanks x

mintbiscuit Tue 31-Oct-17 19:07:07

Is your dc used to sleeping in their own room? If not I would be inclined to do the controlled soothing in the familiar place that they sleep. Otherwise might prolong the crying.

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:07:44

It's particularly the fact I'm returning to work in two weeks that scares me. How I'll be able to operate on so little sleep in a demanding office role I have no clue shock

Pitapotamus Tue 31-Oct-17 19:08:20

Persevere! I did it with one of mine and he's almost 6 and delightful with no memory of it at all! In fact, he was a happier child for it because he wasn't tired all the time from being awake half the night! Best of luck!

Starwhisperer Tue 31-Oct-17 19:08:39

It took us 3 horrific nights but my son has slept 12 hours a night ever since. Be strong!

QuilliamCakespeare Tue 31-Oct-17 19:08:59

If he can fall asleep on his own initially surely he’s just asking for a breastfeed after three hours because he’s hungry? I would just feed him. My 10 month old has just gone from waking 5-7 times a night to waking twice. We didn’t change anything. I still bf him to sleep. I totally sympathise with the exhaustion though, it’s been driving me crazy. Still, he’s little. I wouldn’t let him cry confused.

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:11:07

Okay mintbiscuit, that would be my instinct too, but I'm not sure because A)sleep trainers always say to put them in own room or they'll smell your milk and want you more B) the last couple of nights I've tried to not pick him up when he wakes up the first time and just talk to him soothingly now ans again from the bed where he can see me, but he has cried for 1 hour plus each nicght and stands up in the cot and reaches his little arms towards me, its heartbreaking and I get the feeling he gets more wound up cos he can see me? Maybe I'm wrong

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:13:52

Quillam, I see your point and that's been my hope but he hasn't improved. Plus when he wakes up he breastfeeds - like properly taking milk - for like 10 mins but then won't let go off the nipple and sucks for comfort for up to 1 hour after. Then I put him back in his bed and around 2 hours after it's all over again. So my sense is he wake and for comfort rather than for food...

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:14:30

But to ensure he's not waking from hunger I will offer a bottle. If he's hungry he should take it.

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo Tue 31-Oct-17 19:14:38

We did Jay Gordon night weaning at 9 months because I was literally broken from hourly waking and feeding back to sleep. If you have a DH or partner to do it, perhaps at the weekend, I’d really recommend it. I couldn’t cope with DD crying and would end up giving in and feeding her. I think I was too sleep deprived to have the “fight” in me for it. The first night DH went and slept in her room, I wore earplugs, she apparently howled the first wake up (he just held her), then slept through since! Good luck xx

Londonmamabychance Tue 31-Oct-17 19:16:19

What's Jay Gordon?

BishBoshBashBop Tue 31-Oct-17 19:16:21

It saved our sanity

It did ours too.

Good luck OP flowers

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo Tue 31-Oct-17 19:18:40

Also, to add re: hunger. A healthy 9 month old is very able to sleep 12 hours without a feed. Just because they wake and want food doesn’t mean they’re starving. If I had a packet of biscuits next to my bed, I’d no doubt graze on one every time I woke in the night. Once we night weaned, DD just ate more in the day.

Ragwort Tue 31-Oct-17 19:20:46

Have you got a DH/DP who can go into your DS and offer him a bottle?

I always think it would be better if the mother went out for the evening and left the father to deal with the first night of CC.

Have you got a dummy to give him (DS not DH grin) - I am wincing in pain at the thought of your DS sucking your breast for an hour - ouch.

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo Tue 31-Oct-17 19:23:27

Although because I had already stopped feeding to sleep (by taking her off as soon as she was calm), we went straight to not feeding her, just DH offering water and cuddles.

Wolfiefan Tue 31-Oct-17 19:25:25

Sneaking in just to offer a handhold and say good luck!

CPtart Tue 31-Oct-17 19:30:56

Try giving him a good supper. I gave both mine Weetabix or porridge before bed so I was pretty sure they weren't hungry. And get dad to do the wakings. Keep the room dark, don't speak, don't lift him out of his cot and do not take him into your bed, ever.
He will cry, but you're on the brink of a breakdown and your needs are no less important than his. Now might be a good time to encourage reliance on a comfort item, blanket or the like too.
Good luck.

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