One year old still poor sleeper.

[OctopusLimbs]

Our DD is nearly 13 months, and she is still a pretty rubbish sleeper. We have better, and worse phases but overall still waking frequently and often being very difficult to resettle (we still have nights where she wakes up and takes up to 2 hours to settle, although this isn't every night). She has a dummy, starts off the night in her cot and then usually co-sleeps with us from 11ish. I am perfectly happy with her co-sleeping but while she sleeps slightly better in our bed, it still isn't great. We are coping - my husband does half the nights and between us we are a bit tired but OK. I have tried to be relaxed about it, and accept better sleep will happen when it happens. But with her hitting a year and watching all our friends' babies who had been poor sleepers gradually improve, I am starting to question a)Have we got something horribly wrong and somehow encouraged very poor sleep? b)Is there something medically stopping her sleeping that we haven't picked up? (did ask a GP a while back while in about something else but he just shrugged his shoulders and said she seems to be thriving, which she is) c)How is she going to cope long term with such disturbed sleep?

Does anyone else have experience of a baby still sleeping so badly at this age, and did it just improve eventually by itself? Or do I need to start being more proactive?

[wetsnow]

My baby is 12 months and is a crap sleeper. Like you she wakes multiple times and can be awake for hours at 3am. Sometimes 3am is morning.
But since we've implemented an earlier bed time she's definitely improved.. still wakes regularly but easier to resettle. I think.she was very over tired by bed time then struggled to settle and relax enough to stay asleep.
We haven't had anyour 4am mornings since putting her to bed by 6.30pm..
She slept till 6am this morning. (With several wake ups and resettling and a 2.30am poo😩).

My first born slept through from 10.months and she still loves her sleep.. second born is a much more busy little girl. Every child is different.

[IWouldLikeToKnow]

My almost 3 yr old still wakes up most nights and it up for the day anytime after 5.30. It’s really hard going but I keep myself going thinking that it will all end at some point!!!

[FATEdestiny]

I would sleep train if it was me. Lack of sleep is detrimental to hers (and your) health and wellbeing.

If not, she may well be starting school having got so used to restrictive sleep that she is too exhausted to reach her potential. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to solve.

[crazycatlady5]

I don’t think there’s anything medically wrong with her. Sleep is developmental and she will eventually sleep longer. My husband apparently hardly slept at all until he was 2 and then one night like magic just slept through (he is absolutely fine by the way!) - if you say you’re coping ok then I would carry on as you are - you got this

[chloechloe]

I would sleep train too. Yes there are babies who do suddenly start sleeping better but there are, I expect, many more still sleeping in their parents' beds and waking frequently at 2-3 years. If that is OK with you, then go with it!

I'm planning on sleep training my 10mo this weekend, it's been on the cards for a while but we were trying to find a good time with not much on. I'm not one for CIO or even CC, but I think it's good for a baby to learn to sleep in their own bed but with their parent comforting them when they need it.

Easier said than done. I'm dreading it but DH and I are certain it's best for our family. We have a 2.5 yo as well and it's important to us that we're all well rested so we can give our kids the energy and positivity they deserve which isn't possible with long term sleep deprivation.

Good luck whatever you decide!

For what it's worth, our first daughter was I would say an average sleeper who started sleeping through at 11mo and now sleeps generally really well. But I did commit a huge amount of time to getting her to learn to sleep and eventually it paid off. DD2 was a terrible sleeper from 3mo and I fear I slipped into the habit of BFing her back to sleep for an easy life. In retrospect I should have done things differently.

Sorry that's turned into a bit of an essay. But in summary I think better sleep is more likely via sleep training rather than leaving it and hoping for the best.

[OctopusLimbs]

Thank you. I think the lack of sleep might be starting to impact on her - she just seems so sensitive recently. We need to decide what to do really. If we were to try sleep training, any tips/methods? Especially for a stubborn one year old with a lot of stamina. She is a strong walker for her age so I envisage her standing in her cot all night!

[FATEdestiny]

Given she's a strong walker (so can probably climb, if she wanted to), I would stay in the room to settle her and not leave. The concern I have with controlled crying (ie leaving for a few mins and returning) is that if angry enough, it won't take much for her to tip her centre of balance over the cot side and face-plant the floor.

So I would just perpetually keep getting her to lie down. Ideally by tapping the mattress and saying "lie down now, sleep". You're ideal, whenever possible, get her to lie down herself. If she refused, then you just keep on perpetually lying her back down.

Stay with her throughout. So you need oodles of patience and to allow plenty of time. Don't get stressed or angry. Stay calm throughout. But firm and very, very consistant.

It's then useful to develop a sleep time mantra and a sleep time action. For example "sleep time now, lie down quietly to sleep. Nan night". Repeat it every time she's laid back down (which might be seventy billion times at first).

A sleep time action too. I would use patting (on chest or back) to settle then the 'firm hand' when quiet and calm. Firm hand basically just means lying your hand on her chest/back, so she can feel you're still there even when closing her eyes. Pat when unsettled, still when calm. Then just wait. Stay there until fully and completely asleep and sneek out ninja style.

Repeat the same for bedtime, naptimes and all wake ups. Once it's established and she settled more quickly, then start the process of gradually withdrawing the level of reassurance she needs.

[Changerofname987654321]

Sound like a normal baby/toddler. I personally tried once sleep training and it was not for us. Are all 3 of you in the bed? Our DD sleeps better when it is only her and one parent. What do you do when she wakes? The last sleep regression is 18 months so if you do sleep train you may find that that you have to do it a couple of times.

[OctopusLimbs]

Thank you, especially FATE for that detailed response. She slept through last night - she has some kind of six sense, every time I think about sleep training she sleeps through for a few nights and then gradually deteriorates again!

The only thing worrying me about sleep training is that it seems impossible to know if they aren't sleeping because something is bothering them. As long as we've weaned her for a couple of reasons I have wandered if she might have a sensitivity to something, but can't identify what. I can't wait until she can talk and tell me if something is wrong!

[Hawlix13]

Hi. I know this is an older post but just wondered if things improved for you? Currently in a similar boat with my LO and while I’m not looking to sleep train/change how things are, interested to see if they improved naturally x

[OctopusLimbs]

Sorry @Hawlix13 only just saw your response. Hope things have improved since your message.

In answer to your question (and to anyone else who stumbles across this) We did end up doing some sleep training about 2 months after my post, pretty much following Fate's advice. Our DD was constantly knackered, and I felt at the end of my tether. She was screaming for hours in the night while I was cuddling her, so it felt like sleep training wasn't going to make her any more unhappy.

It worked in two nights, and she cried less in those two nights than most nights while I had been cuddling her while she screamed. She has been a great sleeper ever since (but still cries for a cuddle if her teeth are hurting or anything so I haven't broken her!) and it was really a game changer for us. I have never had to repeat it following sickness or teething. She became so much happier in herself since, and while I felt awful about doing it, it absolutely felt like the right thing to have done.