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Fourth trimester transition - how??

(10 Posts)
m33r Mon 16-Oct-17 14:56:19

Hi everyone.

My lb is 10 weeks and since birth I have had him in sling, EBF on demand and co-sleeeping. He will only go down for naps for 20mins during the day but will sleep for longer in sling. At night we can only really get him sleep by putting him in sling (not even pacing and cuddling does it). Then if we put him in next to me crib he wakes immediately or after 20mins. In bed with me he sleeps for 4 hours.

I’m ok with this as I know he is still tiny but how / when do these ‘habits’ stop. I really don’t want
To co-sleep and I have a toddler so could do with free time with him during the day. Husband and i have also lost all adult time.

My question is that I understand the fourth trimester but how will he ‘learn’ or feel safe anywhere if I keep going or does it just click?

I’m terrified he ends up like my first who we pushed in the prom to sleep for an hour a night then transferred to cot and then got up every two hours - this lasted for 16monyhs and the thought of this again is driving me crazy.

I have tried dummy (he refuses though sometimes if I tap it it helps a little to get him over - how do I get to him to just take a dummy?); white noise - not hugely effective but looking at forming out for a ‘my himmy’ like it will be some miracle cure. Tried putting down nearly asleep (got over tired and ended up a state).

He screams blue murder in the car; is being treated for reflux; doesn’t feed to sleep and I have been dairy free since he was a week old.

Sorry for long post but looking for reassurance that I am doing the right thing or tips on what I should do.

TIA

LapinR0se Mon 16-Oct-17 15:13:39

Do you think the reflux meds are strong enough or the right ones?

Mustang27 Mon 16-Oct-17 15:22:29

Didn’t want to read and run, this sounds like my wee boy. I don’t really have any advice as I just gave in an co slept the only difference is mini did feed to sleep right up until 2 blush. I’m expecting my 2nd around Christmas and I worry it’s going to be the same all over again. I’m sorry it’s so hard for you right now.

I’d look at reflux meds and see if they need to be stronger. Other than that try and get an hours break or so every day away from both your babes so you don’t end up completely crashing and burning.

crazychemist Mon 16-Oct-17 15:27:42

My daughter slept on my shoulder from 6 weeks till 13 weeks as this was the only way she would stay asleep more than 20 minutes at a time. Then I started letting her settle on my shoulder, and then after ten minutes I would slide down in bed bed till she was lying on my tummy. After a couple of days of that I'd slide down and then roll her off so she was lying next to me. So it took about two weeks to go from only sleeping upright on my shoulder to flat on her back in her cot.
4 months onward she still wakes up about 3 times during a typical night (once for a proper feed) but resettles quickly.

Sorry if that's not helpful, co sleeping was the only way I could get any sleep, but weaning her off contact was pretty easy after 4 months.

m33r Mon 16-Oct-17 15:45:56

Thanks everyone.

Reflux meds’ being reviewed on Monday (won’t do it except every four weeks). Will try gradually moving him away from me too.

HV recommended letting him cry for longer but I’m not sure this is the right thing for a new baby? If I was on my own I would have to to deal with my toddler but during the day baby is in sling so not left to cry and at night my husband gets my toddler.

mustang the dread of it lasting forever is my worst fear xx

gg44 Mon 16-Oct-17 20:20:57

Hi, I really have nothing helpful to say, but just one very small point - don’t fork out for a white noise machine - you can get free white noise apps that stay on all night - I used my work iPad on airplane mode!

FATEdestiny Mon 16-Oct-17 21:32:53

I have tried dummy (he refuses though sometimes if I tap it it helps a little to get him over - how do I get to him to just take a dummy?)

Dummy was central in me getting my children sleeping independantly without any crying.

I had 3 chikdren who just took a dummy and it never occurred to me that this might not always be the case. Then DC4 came along and refused dummy (and bottle, incidentally), so I learnt how hard work it can be getting baby to take a dummy sometimes. But because she was my 4th I understood the value in the dumny so didn't give up. I'd have kept going as long as it took to get dummy accepted. For me, I started around 2-3 weeks old and she finally "got it" at 7 weeks (and night weaned 11pm-7am within a week).

Dummy tips are my forte! Here are my suggestions:

● Dummy should never be sitting limply in baby's mouth. It's either being actively sucked or it's taken out. If you can't get baby to suck keep removing and trying again until you do.

● Try stroking baby's cheek or upper lip with dummy teat (as you do nipple when bfing) to encourage baby to turn and seek dummy with their mouth

● Insert dummy in an upwards and backwards direction, like latching to the breast. Aim towards the roof of the mouth, not the tongue.

● Tapping the outside of the dumny can trigger the sucking reflex. You mention doing this already. It's not something you'll always need to do, just a way to get early dummy users used to sucking in order to feel soothed.

● Try dummy at all different times of the day. When awake/happy. When just getting tired, when going to sleep, when playing. When the flutter sucks start at the end of a feed, whilst winding, whilst cuddling, when in sling.... you get the idea. Just keep on trying.

● Try every day, several times, whenever you can really, to get it established. It WILL be worth it and once established, then you can limit to just sleep times. It might take several weeks of daily, multiple times daily, work.

● Try different types/brands of dummy. I prefer bulbous cherry type dummies but you don't find them very often. Other people swear by MAM dummies.

● Try teaming dummy with another settling method. I liked dummy and movement (bouncy chair or rocking in arms) or dummy whilst cosleep cuddling.

● Be patient. Some babies take to a dummy with no effort at all. Others don't. But "refusers" Can, I believe, be turned around with enough time, patience and persistence.

Good luck!

lauramcd86 Mon 16-Oct-17 21:49:39

@FATEdestiny love your post grin has made me chuckle!!

lauramcd86 Mon 16-Oct-17 21:51:22

Not sure if this is easy to come across in the uk but this is What finally helped my lo take a soother!

m33r Mon 16-Oct-17 22:09:11

faith your post is amazing. Thank you so much. Am such a practical person and this has given me loads to try. Am going to get on it! Thanks again XX

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