How to get 9 week old to sleep

[sunnyfields25]

Hi folks

I've got a problem developing because my upper back is rather dodgy and has been getting increasingly painful of late. It's at the point where I'm struggling to hold my 9-week-old DS for any length of time. This is an issue because DS will only fall asleep in 3 ways - being held (and walked with), in carrier or in car seat. The first two options are hurting my back and I can't afford the fuel cost of driving him round for every nap!

Once he's been settled in one of these ways he sleeps quite well during the night (it can just take an hour or so to get to that point!). But in the day he normally wakes up as soon as I try putting him down.

I wondered if anyone has any suggestions for encouraging him to fall asleep once I've laid him down in his moses basket, crib or Sleepyhead? Even with me there and trying to soothe him he gets agitated to the point where I need to pick him up. I wouldn't want to leave him to cry as he's only very little still, and this is really just because of my back (I am trying to ignore all the articles telling me that I'm setting up problems for the future by letting him fall asleep in people's arms!).

I have tried the pram quite a few times but he just stays awake in it and is wired and overtired by the time I get home. Also tried swinging chair and bouncy chair with no success.

Thanks in advance for an wisdom

[sunnyfields25]

I should have mentioned - I was always quite against the idea of dummies, but in desperation I've ordered one which should be delivered today. So I'm currently pinning all my hopes on that! No idea if DS will take it though.

[FATEdestiny]

Try naps in the bouncy chair. Add in a dummy to make naps even easier for baby

(Most first time mums are against dummies, you are not unusual there. Rookie mistake)

Also limit awake time to about an hour, no more than 90m.

Make sure baby is well fed and well winded.

Another option if baby will take it is swaddle, dummy and naps a silent room with blackout blinds in a crib/cot. The swaddle and dummy are necessary for this.

[NicolaandRose]

Hi there,
I'm a first time mum and I also swore I'd never use a dummy. However, because I am breastfeeding and I have a forceful let down, my lo could never suckle for comfort which is obviously what she wanted to do as a baby. I therefore tried her with a dummy weeks ago and she wouldn't take it, but just this last week finally has! I tried her with it again because my back couldn't take any more of rocking her to sleep and I wanted her to start working on going to sleep by herself. It just seemed to be taking longer and longer to rock her to sleep. It was exhausting!
Since using the dummy it has been a massive relief to be honest. In the mornings she'll get all sleepy eyed, i'll pop her dummy in and she takes herself off for a nap in my bed. It gets progressively harder throughout the day and so I still rock her a little to get her really drowsy then put her down with her dummy in, do some shhing and patting and eventually she goes.

I also find that when she is stirring in the morning and I know she doesn't need feeding because it hasn't been very long since the last time she woke me up, i pop the dummy in in her sleep and i get another hour or so out of her! Also, my LO was sucking my top, the blanket, her hands and was starting to find her thumb. I kinda thought, well i can take the dummy off her in time but i can't take her thumb off

[NicolaandRose]

I also put white noise on for her while she is sleeping in the day, usually waves and rain sounds and sometimes the tele as well, she doesn't like the silence. Oh and I started swaddling her for her naps. She protests about it when I'm doing it but it really does help her. Can never contain her legs though, she's like a donkey, so I just concentrate on her arms. I also try to always put her in her sleepyhead for naps because i can keep consistency with it as it can go anywhere with me. All babies are different though, you've just gotta find what your baby likes, but don't rule out the dummy. I bought the Avent ones, my LO didn't like any others. But I really do feel your pain with your back ache, I have a home massage booked at half 5 today and I can not tell you how excited I am!

[NicolaandRose]

my LO is 9 weeks on friday btw

[sunnyfields25]

Thanks for the tips FATEdestiny. Bouncy chair has so far failed because after a few minutes in it he gets agitated and starts crying. I could give it another go though. I'm definitely going to try the dummy as soon as it arrives. I've resisted it for so long, despite my mum saying 'what about trying a dummy?' every few days. Now I wish I hadn't left it so long to try. Fingers crossed he will take it (and that it makes a difference!).

Limiting the awake time is proving tricky as after about an hour I can tell he's getting ready for sleep, but I just can't get him to sleep without carrying him around (which I am struggling to do). So today and yesterday we've ended up in the horrible situation of DS being ridiculously over-tired and agitated, yet refusing to sleep. He has currently been awake for the past 6 hours, apart from the odd very short nap, and both I and my mum have spent that time trying to get him to sleep. Once he's past that tiny window of tiredness there's no getting him to sleep as he fights it so much

[sunnyfields25]

Thanks NicolaandRose, it's actually made me feel a bit better to know someone else has had similar issues. And also that I'm not the only once who's caved in on the dummy decision!

White noise does sometimes help with DS, and I've ordered a white noise machine which I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of. So far I'm using my phone but it's awkward because I could do with access to my phone for general use (it's always having the battery run down by playing white noise!).

I keep wondering about swaddling, but feel like it might be a bit late in the day to introduce it now, given that DS is 9 weeks. I was reading online that it's best to be introduced in the first few weeks, and that the age he is now is a more vulnerable age apparently.

Ha for my birthday my DH said he'd pay for me to have a massage at a local spa. So as soon as I've figured out the logistics of him having DS for a few hours (and giving him a bottle) then I am going be off to that spa like a shot. I spend most of my time daydreaming about back massages at the moment. I hope you enjoy yours

[NicolaandRose]

I'd say give the swaddling a go. I've just started swaddling her. I didn't do it from birth and it seems to be quite helpful at the moment. I still don't swaddle her at night because we already have our little routine. I just don't know how anyone doesn't slip into rocking their baby to sleep at the start! I don't know how you avoid it! Haha. Yeah I was thinking of buying an actual white noise machine too because my phone is always running out! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is yet to get their baby to properly take a bottle! i need to work on that one too, my hair is in great need of some tlc!! I hope you find the dummy works xxx

[NicolaandRose]

I've just read your reply to fatedestiny and that is exactly what my LO was like last week!! I ended up having a mini breakdown on my bed!

[sunnyfields25]

Well, the dummy hasn't really worked DS will kind of take it. After he's got over the initial look of 'what on earth is this you're putting in my mouth' he will happily suck on it while I'm holding him. But then as soon as I put him down he's wide awake, fusses about and it drops out of his mouth. Tried putting it back in several times, at the same time as white noise playing and gently rocking basket, but no luck.

So here I am with him back in the carrier and my neck and shoulders feeling like they're going to explode. Sob. Never having used a dummy before I don't know if there's some knack to using it as an aid for sleep...

[FATEdestiny]

The idea is to put baby down fully awake, not get to sleep in your arms then put down - that's never going to be a sustainable answer.

So put well fed, well winded, swaddled baby down. May well fuss. Give dummy to quell fussing. Hand on chest, some shushing, face close to baby's.

Gravity helps with keeping dummy in if baby is facing upwards. Otherwise several reinsertions will probably be needed until asleep.

Persevere for a good 10 minutes.

If the dummy and swaddle isn't cutting it, baby needs movement. So instead of swaddling put baby into the bouncer fully awake. Again there will be crying and several dummy insertions and relentless bouncing will be needed.

We're you expecting the dummy to be a magic wand? It's just one tool amongst many, albeit an important tool. You'll have less chance of getting independant sleep without it, unless you can deal with lots of crying.

[FATEdestiny]

I forgot tips for dummy use:

Tapping the outside of the dummy encourages sucking. So does stroking cheek.

If dummy is pushed out, it's just baby's newborn tongue-thrust reflex doing that. It's overcomable with time and persistence

As baby relaxes to go to sleep the muscles relax. This includes the jaw muscles used for sucking. Therefore dummy goes limp on baby's mouth and ultimately drops out once baby is asleep. It's meant to do this. Dumny us only needed for going to sleep, it serves no purpose once asleep.

In a very young baby, whos muscles are less well developed (like yours) the dummy can drop before baby is fully asleep, because the muscles are not as strong as they will be when older. It becomes useful to therefore stay with baby until fully asleep, keeping dummy in.

Take dummy out if baby is crying, no point crying with a dummy lying limp in the mouth. Work at gettibg baby to notice the dummy and comfort suck on it instead of crying, not whilst crying.

Stroke cheek, upper lip with dummy so baby turns to suck it. Angle dummy upwards to touch roof of the mouth. Try to get baby's attention on the dummy and suck cues (the same as those used when breastfeeding), rather than just sticking te dummy in and hope it's passively noticed.

Then it is just a case of persistence. Not all babies immediately 'get' the dummy. But it is definitely worth it once they do.

[sunnyfields25]

Thanks for all the tips FATEdestiny! Things got a bit derailed over the weekend as we had family visiting and understandably everyone wanted to hold DS, which meant he ended up being rocked to sleep for every nap. And then had a busy couple of days being in and out of house. So only just starting to try and put into practice the approaches you've suggested.

I'm afraid I probably did think the dummy would be a magic wand... For some reason I thought it'd be as simple as popping it in DS's mouth and hey presto he'd fall asleep (naive I know!).

I had a go this morning and managed to get him very close to falling asleep on his own laying in his Sleepyhead. I found it actually seemed to be agitating him having me sat next to him shushing, and that when I moved away he calmed down, sucked properly on his dummy and his eyelids got heavy. However, with me not there the dummy kept dropping out just as he was getting sleepy, and after about 45 minutes I realised we had to get ready to leave the house and he was still awake, so I had to abandon it and hold him to get him to sleep quickly. I felt like we were close though, so I'm going to have another attempt tomorrow. And if it doesn't work I'm going to give the bouncer a go as you've recommended.

It's hard work and very time consuming, but I know if I can crack it it's going to save me a lot of back pain and make life so much easier.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I won't advise other than to say I resisted the dummy with Ds1, big mistake. I posted here a lot and read lots of fates advice. Ds2 was offered a dummy very early on but preferred his thumb. I kept at it with the dummy though and he's started having it for all sleeps atv5 months. Tapping it helps a lot.

I put him in the bouncy chair, pop dummy in and tap.it (don't need to now) while bouncing. Now he's often happy to just have the dummy and nod off. The dummy helps a lot, but I also think he's much easier than Ds1.

[sunnyfields25]

Thanks Nottalotta, good to know the dummy was a success for someone else despite it not being plain sailing initially. I tried stroking DS's cheek last time to try and get him to suck, and it took a while to work, so I'm going to try the tapping approach next time

[Sparrowlegs248]

I tapped on the front with my fingernails, quite quickly, if that helps. It's taken a while and as I said ds had his thumb for a bit but seems to have stopped that. I don't think.i.persevered long enough with Ds1.

[sunnyfields25]

So, I've had a bit of success with the dummy. Laying DS down with the dummy and me staying close hadn't worked after 15ish mins, so instead I held him and he fell asleep with dummy. I know this isn't the ultimate goal, but it's a move in the right direction as there was no standing or rocking involved, and he fell asleep with little resistance. I'm building up to getting him to fall asleep not in my arms.

But the question I have is... Do you take the dummy out of mouth once asleep or leave in? FATEdestiny I know you said the jaw muscles will relax and the dummy will fall out, but for some odd reason this isn't happening. It just stays in his mouth the whole time he's asleep and he does little sucking movements in his sleep. Problem is DS sleeps quite well at night (once settled), so we're only using dummy for daytime naps at the moment. We may start using to settle at night, but I don't want him to get too used to only being able to sleep with a dummy in his mouth.

Do other people take the dummy out after baby has nodded off (and risk waking them up)?

[FATEdestiny]

Just leave it.

I'm explaining the way a dummy works over the long term. You are right at the very beginning of his sleep journey, you are probably over thinking it. Give it time and you will soon get very used to the dummy drop, don't worry.

For now, at 9 weeks old, he's pretty immobile. Gravity will keep the dummy there even in a deep sleep. Life will be different when you have a shuffling, rolling, kicking 5 month old, for example.

Just leave dumny dummy in as much as you can at this age.

[sunnyfields25]

Thanks FATEdestiny - this is all so new to me!

[FATEdestiny]

Just noted this:

We may start using to settle at night, but I don't want him to get too used to only being able to sleep with a dummy in his mouth.

You are better not using a dummy at all in that case. Dumny should be used regularly and consistantly for all sleep times. There are some dangers associated with inconsistent dummy use.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/dummies-and-sids/

I quote from the above:

"Regular dummy use is the best way to use a dummy. This means offering your baby a dummy each time you put them down for a sleep, day or night"

(Lullaby Trust are the charity whos research is used to inform UK government and NHS SIDS policy)

[sunnyfields25]

Hmm that's thrown me a bit then. I have been considering using a dummy at bedtime, because normally DH has to hold DS for an hour or so to make sure he's in a deep sleep before putting down for bed. And this obviously isn't sustainable in the long run. So maybe we just need to take the plunge and start using it for every sleep.

Although there will still be some naps where it wouldn't be used, eg if DS falls asleep in his car seat or nods off after feeding etc. But it could be used for every planned sleep time.

What a minefield!

[Parttimeworkingmummy2017]

She is only 9 weeks old! Baby just wants mummy. I read somewhere that the majority of babies aren't capable of self settling until 12 weeks old. If you can, try hold out a few more weeks.

I dont think you should go down the dummy route yet - at one point I did use a dummy when her reflux was bad and i REALLY REALLY regretted it as my generally good sleeper started waking a lot looking for it. I went cold turkey and luckily after 3 nights she settled straight back down to sleeping through. Most of my NCT friends who use dummies still have very unsettled sleepers.

Baby will learn in time, its a natural skill they have to learn like walking and talking. I dont mean to sound patronising at all. My baby nearly did my back in too, but at about 12 weeks she learnt to self settle. Now she wont sleep on me as she likes to lay out like a star fish. I miss the days when she would only go to sleep on me, enjoy it whilst it lasts :)