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8 week old bath time/bedtime chaos

(85 Posts)
dan220282 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:09:24

Hello everyone. New user, long time lurker, looking for help please

First time dad, we need some help/advice and Im sure you've been asked this millions of times. We have an 8 week old little boy, who, during the day is good as gold, now, on our HV advice we started creating a "wind down" room, so darker room, no noise etc..and we take him here after his bath. This is normally between 6-7pm

Now he loves his baths sits there chilled as nothing splashing etc..we take him out into his nursery to get hime changed, as soon as we start putting his baby grow on him he starts to get restless, like he knows what is coming, we take him into our room where its dark with all intents and purposes to read him a story, give him some milk and let him drift off. Erm no.

Every.single.night for the past week, he just cries. And cries. And cries. and then as if by magic he'll stop crying after 25-30 minutes and go to sleep.

We are going out of our mind trying to work out what to do. Any help greatly appreciated.

Orangedaisy Thu 20-Jul-17 19:14:17

He's only 8 weeks old. Imo far, far too early to start leaving him to drift off on his own (and you're supposed to have them sleeping in same room as you day and night - and evening - until 6 months). We started bedtime routine at about 8 weeks, but then just cuddled sleeping with us watching tv in relative calm until we went to bed. At 3.5 ish months we started letting ours drift off in sleepyhead on living room floor in evening, but not in bedroom until 6 months ish.

RiverTam Thu 20-Jul-17 19:16:09

8 weeks old sounds very young for that kind of structured bedtime - I don't think I had anything like that going on till DD was one, certainly no bedtime story till then.

I hope you aren't leaving him to cry for 25 minutes, that's not good for a newborn, he'll need a feed. And ideally he should be in the same room as you always. I think we just had the Moses basket downstairs with us, there wa no feeding routine at that stage so she just fed and slept and we carried the basket up with us when we turned in.

Basically, he is far far too young for this. I can't imagine why your HV thought this would be a good idea!

LadyCatherinedeBourgh Thu 20-Jul-17 19:18:44

He's 8 weeks! Mine were all still in the basket wherever we were at that point. I'm amazed the HV has suggested this.
Enjoy this bit, keep him close and enjoy the cuddles. Plenty of time (YEARS!) to enforce bedtime routines

dan220282 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:19:42

Thanks for the replies. We absolutely do not let him cry. I couldn't bare it. Its normally while we cuddle him and try and rock to sleep. His cot is in ojr room and will stay in with us till he is six months. Im worried about instilling the wrong ideas. Like if he cries daddy will always pick him up etc. I keep telling myself he is only 8 weeks. I think we're both just keen to do the right thing by him etc..

MoodyOne Thu 20-Jul-17 19:21:23

You can't spoil a baby, he doesn't know that if he cries daddy will pick him up, babies are not smart enough to make that assumption yet. He just knows something is wrong and he needs his daddy!

Clickncollect Thu 20-Jul-17 19:22:14

Agree with PP, it does sound too early for that. Our DS was down on the sofa in the evenings in a sleepyhead until about 4 months then we gradually moved him upstairs, started to get more of a routine (and our evenings back!)

SprogletsMum Thu 20-Jul-17 19:22:29

Don't worry about instilling bad habits. Learning that if he cries daddy will pick him up is exactly what you want him to learn!

LBOCS2 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:23:38

Cuddling him is doing the right thing by him. He's still teeny, and he's probably only just in the process of working out day/night.

I'd have a loose routine - bath, baby grow, last bottle or feed if your partner is bf, in a dark room with maybe a mobile or soothing music playing to create a sleep association not that it had any effect on my two. But then I'd calmly cuddle or snuggle down with him. If he sleeps, yay! You get a couple of hours to recover and spend some time together. If not, it's not the end of the world, you're just having lovely cuddles. That's fine too.

WhatKatyDidnt Thu 20-Jul-17 19:23:47

Picking him up when he cries is telling him that his parents are there for him, responding to his needs - and definitely not a bad thing.

Listen to your instincts and you won't go wrong.

RiverTam Thu 20-Jul-17 19:25:08

What you need to think is - why shouldn't you pick him up? He's a tiny tiny newborn, only been in this world for 2 months, he has no way of communicating except by crying. Need a cuddle is just as valid a need as needing a feed or a nappy change. And will be for quite a long time.

I reiterate that I am concerned your HV would suggest this. I would ask for a different HV.

Clickncollect Thu 20-Jul-17 19:25:50

Totally understand where you are coming from and it sounds like you both want to do the right thing by your LO.
Don't worry about any bad habits at this young stage. I called it the survival stage and just did whatever made my life easier.

viques Thu 20-Jul-17 19:30:01

Be very wary too of encouraging a very quiet atmosphere for himto sleep in, most babies will sleep through normal family noise, but you might be making a rod for your own back if he gets used to everything being silent while he sleeps.

DartmoorDoughnut Thu 20-Jul-17 19:30:18

If it helps my 7month old is currently feeding to sleep whilst I sit on the sofa and he'll then go in the bouncer til I go up to bed. My 2yr old was the same, bedtime tonight for him took 5mins in his own bed.

You'll get there.

Oh and yes YOU CANNOT SPOIL A BABY he needs to learn that you will always come running if he needs you. Well they do in my eyes!

Civilsoot Thu 20-Jul-17 19:30:57

Sounds more like colic to me. Our son is now 11 weeks and from weeks 5-10 every night, you could set your watch by him, he would go completely mental.

He was fed, clean nappy on and we would cuddle, rock him, put him in the sling, play white noise, give him infacol etc etc. There was nothing we could do for him, he would scream the house down. Then he would just give up and go to sleep.

I genuinely think it's just a really tough stage most newborns go through unfortunately. All I can say is to just ride it out. Keep with your bedtime routine, I don't think 8 weeks is too young for him to start associating the day-time with lots of light and noise and bedtime as dark and quiet.

Don't worry, this will all pass in a few weeks and you'll be worrying about something else - welcome to parenthood!

Doje Thu 20-Jul-17 19:31:21

I LOVE routine and structure where babies are concerned and even I think 8 weeks is too early.

I think at that age DS2 (can't remember DS1!) was just chilling in the Moses basket in the living room with us, and nodding I off when he felt like it.

It was probably between 3 and 4 months we started to structure things, and it really just following his lead, creating the routine around what he was already doing.

Doje Thu 20-Jul-17 19:33:14

I also remember DS1 had a 'witching hour' where nothing I could do would make him happy. That was about 6-7pm I think.

dan220282 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:38:07

Thanks so much everyone. We're just a bit tired. Obviously lol. It helps to hear this as it means we are doing the right thing by holding him and giving him plenty of cuddles. We just want to be good mommy and daddy.

Any ideas about the post bathtime crying?

Nottalotta Thu 20-Jul-17 19:40:14

I agree 8 weeks is very early, do you leave him to sleep in that room? He should be sleeping in the same room as you at that age, so living room until you go to bed.

And yes to picking him.up when he cries.

Dc2 is 5 months old. He has a wipe over and nappy change, into pj's while the toddler is having a bath. Then either a bottle from his dad or I bf him, he nods off in our arms. Put him down. In the living room. It's light, the telly is on, he sleeps. He often wakes on being put down, pop the dummy in and he drifts off. Then upstairs with me when I go to bed.

Nottalotta Thu 20-Jul-17 19:42:49

Is he overtired by then? I sometimes give Dc2 a bath after the toddler, but it often results in crying, not because he dislikes the bath, but because it adds a bit of time to the routine and he ends up overtired and harder to settle.

They really don't need a bath every day. Dc1 has one every day as he was quite a difficult sleeper and it helps, but I didn't start daily baths til about six months.

Loraline Thu 20-Jul-17 19:42:55

Might be hungry or tired or just cranky. Evening time can just be witching hour for some little ones and they may feed non-stop or they may just be grisly. Ds2 uaed to cry from 7.30 to 9.30pm every night. It was like a switch going on and off again.

Sounds like you're all doing great. All totally normal stuff.

dan220282 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:43:31

He only goes mad for abour an hour. Currently sleeping in my arms. Lots of people have said just ride it out. Its difficult isnt it. And so amazing at the same time. Our hv saud to start putting him in his cot at night. He really doesnt like his moses basket and is nearly too big fir it anyway fat little chunk!

SweepTheHalls Thu 20-Jul-17 19:45:34

Bedside crib is great, bigger than a moses basket, but small enough to fit in your room. Enjoy your little one bear

shamoffour Thu 20-Jul-17 19:45:55

Hi I've got four children and all of them screamed blue murder getting dressed especially after a bath.
If you think about it you've just taken them from a lovely warm environment which feels familiar, it's now a bit cold, my bath has ended, you're fussing about with me getting dressed I'm gonna scream!!
Ime the best approach is get it done as quickly as possible and feed and cuddle afterwards.
Agree with what others have said its a bit early for such a structured bedtime I would stick with the bath and pjs but then just chill with him feed as much as possible and cuddle if he sleeps great if not maybe you might get a bit of a longer stretch at night. I used to just have a Moses basket in the corner of the sitting room and if theywere asleep I would put them in there. I know you're probably sick of people saying this but these early days go so so quickly so try and go with the flow.

Helbelle75 Thu 20-Jul-17 19:47:27

Our dd is 3 months and we are very much led by her needs still. I am bf so she feeds when she's hungry and sleeps when she's tired. Naturally her daytime sleeps are becoming longer naps, but she still mainly naps on me.
We have a vague bedtime routine in that we take her upstairs and change her for bed, then close the curtains and make the room dark for her last feed and story. We start around 9pm and she sometimes goes to sleep at 9.30, other times midnight, but I still put her down asleep and cuddle her or sing to her until she's asleep.
Enjoy your little one.

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