I need a plan. Ending co sleeping with 8 month old

[Mrsbadger77]

I want to get 8 month old sleeping in her cot. At the moment she goes down in her cot between 7-7:30 and sleeps until 10 then wakes and will only settle with a feed which I give her lying down in bed and we both fall asleep together. She wakes a couple of times in the night then feeds back to sleep.
I've tried letting her settle at 10 when she wakes but the crying is too much so I've given in.
I know she doesn't really need the milk now but it's the only thing that will settle her. Should I feed her at 10 then try to put her back in cot? Or just cold turkey her, the crying lasted an hour the last time I did that, with me going in and out. Any advice?

[FATEdestiny]

I know she doesn't really need the milk now but it's the only thing that will settle her

Her need to breastfeed has little to do with calories and everything to do with comfort. That said, comfort is a basic biological need which is akin to things like calories, it is no less important.

So in order to stop breastfeeding to sleep, you could do with establishing alternate comfort that she can access herself.

It takes time to establish, wont be a straight swap. But I would start using a comforter toy/blanket with her at every time you breastfeed or snuggle up to her. The idea is to establish the comforter with all situation where she feels comforted so that in time, the toy/blankie itself provides that comforted feeling.

I would say 8 months old is too young to leave to cry. She doesn't yet have the muscular dexterity needed to self-comfort and it takes a while to learn (with consistant teaching from you) anyway. I'd probably aim for night weaning by 12 months, she should have established her comforter toy/blankie by then, if you use it consistantly.

[ElspethFlashman]

If she's in the room with you, take the side off the cot, strap it to the bed and make a sidecar cot. Then you can shimmy over into her cot, half in half out, for the feeds. It's not the most comfortable but the object is to keep her in the cot so she gets used to it. She thinks she's co sleeping but she's really not. It was a lifesaver for me with DD.

But a dummy helps enormously too.

[susannaR]

I've nearly 'cracked' this 1 with massive help from Fate and others 😀
I'll tell you what's worked for us!
DS (7.5months) goes to bed around 7:30pm in own cot in his own room. Breast fed until sleepy but settled in the cot with dummy and my hand on him until asleep. I dream feed at 10pm... dream feed is crucial part...Do not feed on respond to a cry, so if your DS is waking at 10pm I would suggest going in and lifting him at 21:50 then feeding.
After dream feed I settle DS in cot up against my bed...same method..dummy and hand on him (although he's really really sleepy so not much settling required). Then do the same at every wake. Try hard not to pick up but I did for the 1st few nights...It's hard and I had a few rough nights where he did cry quite a bit 😕 but I felt ok (ish) about it...I just cuddled up to him and kept finger on his dummy until he went back to sleep. It's taken about 10 days but I've gone from feeding back to sleep 1-2hourly all night to...wait for it...slept last night 10pm-06:30 with quick dummy insert at 04:30 🎉 Long may it last 🙏🏻
It's not just improved our sleep..he is much happier...feeding and eating lots better in the day too, presumably because he's not been snacking all night?! Good luck x

[YoureNotASausage]

Try own room. I found it worked amazingly on all three of mine at 7-8months. Much later and it doesn't go down so well. But seriously I thought I'd be called in all night long but all 3 times by the third night they slept through pretty much (having co-slept and woken 5-6 times a night until then).

[YoureNotASausage]

Be brace! Just do it.

[susannaR]

I should maybe take the plunge tonight?!!

[YoureNotASausage]

Do it do it! I think at 7 months they become suddenly very alert and stop sleeping so well co-sleeping. Suddenly having a nice quiet room gives them peace to sleep. It really shocked me how well it worked every time. 3 very different babies but same reaction to getting into own room aster cosleeping from birth.

Good luck, I know you are thinking there's no way it will work but the freedom you will suddenly feel.....

[ElspethFlashman]

The own room thing might be true. Mine both went into their own rooms at 7/8 months and it is pretty easy at that age.

[Mrsbadger77]

susannaR I like your plan. Last night I slept on a camp bed on the floor of dd 's room. I didn't follow your plan but managed to keep her in her cot until 2 am which is progress. I think I'll try and get her used to sleeping in her cot all night by whatever means I can before I try your plan.
fate she has a comforter but as yet is not interested in it. But I'm going to try and give it to her more.
What I really want to do is eliminate that 10 pm wake up and feed.

[Mrsbadger77]

When I say she slept in her cot until 2 that was with 2 wake ups, feed and put back in cot instead of sleeping with me.

[susannaR]

Well done!! It's so hard work but if you're anything like me once I start something I have to 'see it through' haha!
Dare I type this?....it's worked! Taken about 2 weeks but we've gone from feeding to sleep hourly and co-sleeping in side cot to...wait for it...own room last 2 nights and last night he slept from 8pm-6am with 1 really quick dummy insert at 1am 🎉🙏🏻🙏🏻

[susannaR]

Sorry that's with dream feed at 10ish when I go to bed (proper dream feed-lift him when he's fast asleep ) x

[Mrsbadger77]

That is amazing SusannaR well done. I'm too scared to try the dream feed!

[Mrsbadger77]

Wow! I just did a lovely bedtime with dd. Kissed her goodnight put her in awake she's lying there cuddling her comforter not crying and nodding off! Pity she won't do that when she wakes in the night

[susannaR]

Aww that sounds bliss 😍 Still a bit of crying here at bedtime...only 5mins but still...would love it if he just snuggled his comforter and nodded of. I'm sure she will do that in the night when she wakes eventually? Even if u have a few trips to pass the comforter back until she's old enough to locate it herself that will be gr8 compared to co-sleeping? My DD1 is 3.5 and still loves her comforter...she tucks it under her pillow a little so she doesn't loose it in the night #cleverlass 😂

[susannaR]

I did night wean before putting him in own room btw...just picked him up and cuddled him back to sleep at every wake (instead of feeding) for about 3/4 nights...then progressed to in-cot settling for another 3/4 nights, then he only woke once for dummy for 2 nights so that's when I went for putting him in own room

[Mrsbadger77]

Bit of progress last night. Settled in cot at 10 pm. She woke again at 11 so gave her a feed and settled her in cot. She slept until 2. Another feed. Very hard to settle. She went back to sleep but only for a short time. My back got sore leaning into cot so I settled her in bed beside me without bf. slow progress but some progress. Very tired today though!!

[susannaR]

Aww I bet you are 😕 been there! It will be worth it tho...once u can settle without feeding then work on keeping her in own cot..you'll get there 😘
Still going ok here..considering the heat!!....slept from 7:30-5:30 with dream feed at 10. Not so keen on 5:30 wake but hey...compared to hourly wakes I'll take it for now 😆

[susannaR]

Ps. I know exactly what u mean about sore back leaning in cot...that's why I took Fates advise and wedged cot against my bed so I could just lean in and doze with arm over him (even when he was crying a bit at least I felt I was offering comfort!...even if he did want boob!) x

[Mrsbadger77]

I can't take side off cot or it will fall apart unfortunately 😔. Going to try to not feed tonight until after 11 to try to stretch it out. Then got a target to keep her in cot until 3am. Feel so tired today. Your little one did so well. 5:30 does suck but dd was awake at 5:50 with all the up and down in the night so you're doing really well

[susannaR]

Aww bugger that's not gna work then 😂😂 sounds like you've got a plan tho...slow progress like me but as long as we get there!
...it was fun making DS wait for 9am nap when he has been up since 5:30 mind! But pretty sure I've read advise before about early nap rewarding nearly wake up??! X

[susannaR]

*early wake up

[FATEdestiny]

Mrsbadger77 - can the cot be right next to your bed? Even without removing one side of the cot, if it's next to your bed then you lying on your bed and reachibg your arm over at least means you don't have to be standing and bending into the cot.

Have you actually tried to take one side off the cot? Is it a cotbed or standard cot? Can the mattress height change? Both these usually indicate one side will be removable.

Usually the bolts that hold the base to the sides go through the head/foot ends of the cot, not either of the long sides (ive had several cots in my time). If you haven't actually tried, you might be surprised how stable it is to remove on side off the cot.

[Mrsbadger77]

Fate dh says it will fall apart but I'll have a play at the weekend and see what happens.

SusannaR how did ds get on last night? Dd very unsettled at the start of night. Finally settled and slept until 11:20 then 3:40 which is good. Couldn't settle her in cot so she lay beside me but awake at 5:30 shouting. I'm going to stick with it tonight and try to keep her in her cot maybe all night once she's slept all night in cot I'm going to start cutting back on night feeds. Just wanted to ask you - does your ds 'self Settle' at bed time?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds1 was exactly the same. I started returning too the cot after his first wake up, then Co sleeping after the second. I did this for a while, then at 12 months, bf to sleep at bedtime failed so we did gradual withdrawal. Worked fabulously and enabled him to settle himself back in the night. I agree with what Fate says about a comfort other then bf, sadly ds1 didn't take comfort from.much else until he was about 18 months old. Ds2 however, sucks thumb, dummy, muslin, strokes his own head, all at 4 months!