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Help with settling in cot

(14 Posts)
ResetPassword Mon 05-Jun-17 07:25:49

DD is 8.5 months and has always been fed or cuddled to sleep, daytime naps are regular but she will only sleep on me, rarely she will have a short nap in the pram or car.

I want to try and work on settling her in the cot, she's getting too heavy to walk around with and hold for so long, I'm massively sleep deprived but most importantly I know she isn't currently getting the quality sleep she needs.

I've read lots of posts on here with advice. The plan so far is to take the side off the cot and settle her in there from drowsy state while lying next to her. She has a dummy for sleep. I'm dreading it and dreading the upset and tears but I know there will be some as she is so used to being held and picked up. sad

Is this likely to reduce the frequency of night wakings? Should I use this method for all sleep including naps or work on night sleep first then naps?

Any other thoughts or ideas welcome

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 10:06:29

Morning smile

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 10:12:01

Sorry posted by mistake! Same situation here with EBF DS now 7months. I was feeding to sleep for naps/bedtime and then feeding to sleep at every wake through the night 😣
Fate has excellent advise and I have done what she suggested. So now I feed DS downstairs before bed. I then take him upstairs and lie him in cot which is attached to my bed with side off. I turn on white noise machine and he self settles with dummy. I lie next to him on my bed...sometimes have to put my hand on him but not always and he's asleep in 5mins! No drama!
Honestly it's not as bad as you fear...just make sure he's nice and full..sleepy but not overtired and be consistent with your routine. The only thing I would say is for me it hasn't reduced the night wakings πŸ˜• Good luck x

Rebecca19067 Mon 05-Jun-17 11:12:26

I'm defo following this I have a 9month old who is still breastfed and the only way she goes to sleep is on me or in the car, I wish I put her in her cot from day one 😞 I try to sneaky put her down when she is asleep but she instantly wakes up.

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 11:35:02

Yea...I learnt the hard way that they have to go to sleep where you want them to stay asleep...transferring when asleep always ends up with waking at the end of the next sleep cycle. Without a dummy I would have it impossible to transfer DS (6months at the time) as I used to feed him to sleep and can't bear him crying.
You can do it tho...just feed until drowsy and nicely full but not asleep...I put DS in sleeping bag after feeding to wake him a bit then lay down next to him with dummy. Initially I had to quite firmly hold his hands down/ hand on chest and shush him a's taken a month to be where I am now. He settle quickly for naps and bedtime but still wakes lots at night. He will have good 1.5hour naps now tho in the cot so it's worth it! Good luck x

Rebecca19067 Mon 05-Jun-17 11:58:24

I'm going to give it a try tonight and just accept she will cry but she will never learn if I carry on this way. Ill try keeping her off the breast today and fill her more on solids and having extra playtime then give her dinner, bath then breast and put her down while sleepy atleast then I know the cry is just for comfort and ill try a dummy.
It's hard having no time to yourself even when asleep shes attached to me, the most she naps during the day is 20mins and thats if Im holding her.
Your post gives me hope

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 12:15:27

Oh Rebecca wow you've done well to manage for 9months! You're totally right tho and a little bit of crying is ok if you're there offering comfort. Worth it in the long run. I don't know if this helps but I just used to remind myself that I was helping him to 'learn the skill' of settling to sleep, just like I'll help him learn to crawl, talk etc?!!
It probably won't be as bad as you think...white noise defo helped here smileHe really only cried the 1st couple of nights...and even then it was for 5-10mins. I didn't feel bad as I was lying next to him with finger on dummy and holding his hands (down πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚)
The only thing I would say (I'm no expert at all!!) But just wondering whether you might be better offering lots of milk in the day rather than lots of solids as the milk is more calorie dense and more likely to fill her?? X

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 12:17:10

...I should be baby still wakes all night tho so really I shouldn't be commenting πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚

ResetPassword Mon 05-Jun-17 14:24:45

Thank you for the replies! I see I'm not alone in the 'bad sleep habits' at least. I'm afraid I took the path of least resistance in order to maximise sleep, she's such a happy soul when she's napping well, but now this is where we are. Unfortunately feeding to sleep only works less than half the time now so it's sometimes a physical battle to get her to fall asleep. She tends to claw my face and 'hit' and try to throw herself backwards out of my arms which is becoming physically exhausting.

Susanna, good to hear your DS settles quickly after only a month I think that's great progress. Must say I'm confused that is hadn't helped the night wakings though?? I wouldn't expect my DD to sleep through but less wakings would make everyone a lot happier!

Did you start coz settling for naps and night time sleep at the same time?

FATEdestiny Mon 05-Jun-17 16:29:58

It won't be as bad as you are imagining ResetPassword. Especially if you have a dummy to give to make things calmer and with less crying.

Side off the cot means you can cuddle right in, cuddle up to him but crucially, he will go to sleep in the cot, where he will sleep.

Is this likely to reduce the frequency of night wakings?

You need some realistic expectations. It might make a significant difference straight away. A baby getting plenty of daytime sleep, not over tired and so goes into a deep sleep easily should wake less frequently.

A baby who can find and manipulate their dummy in the dark to put it in themself may wake, but go back to sleep themself. A baby who can't do this may wake, but need a parent for a quick dummy plug to get back to sleep (which can be done in a semi conscious state from a sidecar cot)

A baby who is not getting enough sleep (or calories) over 24 hours is likely to be a light sleeper. Light sleepers wake frequently anyway and the more over tired baby is, the more help they need to settle.

In any rate, the main benefit of the sidecar cot and in-cot settling is being able to settle baby without having to move from under your duvet. So realistic expectations needed, in-cot settling is not always a magic wand. But it definately helps and is a step in the right direction.

Should I use this method for all sleep including naps or work on night sleep first then naps?

I did it at bedtime first. It depends how well baby takes to it. If, like susannaR, it's not difficult to establish then you might just need a few days to establish it for both naps and bedtime.

If it's trickier to establish, the concern would be baby getting over tired (so even harder to settle) if daytime naps reduce.

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 17:07:46

I did bedtime 1st as I found that one was easier and then tackled naps. 1st nap of the day is ok but 2nd nap can be bit a bit tricker (more crying) but nothing horrendous...just maybe have to lie and cuddle him in more. 3rd nap (if he has one) I can just rock pram in kitchen for a quick cat nap at tea time πŸ‘ Considering 4 weeks ago I was feeding to sleep it's gr8...just be positive and go for it! Easier to say than do but I found if I was calm and relaxed DS settled better...think they pick up on your anxiety on the walk to the nursery πŸ˜‚

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 17:10:34

Think calorie intake is some of my problem...he's not keen on gold unfortunately (was pinning hopes on that!) and he's not nursing very well in they day...too distracted...and of course I don't feed him to sleep anymore lol!!

susannaR Mon 05-Jun-17 17:10:55

Gold! *food!

butterfly990 Mon 05-Jun-17 22:10:05

We used to heat the cot first with a hot water bottle. obviously taking it away just before putting the baby in the cot

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