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What am I meant to do?

(21 Posts)
Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 12:29:17

My DD is seven months and I'm still breastfeeding. She's a very good baby but still wakes up multiple times in the night until I just end up putting her in our bed because I'm so exhausted!
I've read everywhere to not put her down when she's fully asleep and just to put her down in her cot sleepy but she just wakes up and starts playing? How am I supposed to get her to sleep?
I'm opposed to the cry it out method because she rarely cries unless she is really upset so it seems mean. she also sleeps in the same room as us so my partner wouldn't be able to sleep and he has to get up at six for work. Does anyone have any advice?! I feel like I've already trained her to be a bad sleeper but there's so much differing advice?!

Ginger782 Tue 30-May-17 12:31:52

No advice but I think I will need similar help soon so following with interest OP! How have you gotten her to go to sleep until now? Are you BFing to sleep?

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 12:57:36

Yes ginger. I've found loads online about how I shouldn't be feeding her to sleep or putting her down asleep but no ways to avoid this!
Glad to hear you're in a similar situation, although that may not be the right word!!

Ginger782 Tue 30-May-17 13:15:05

Mine is 4mo and gets BF to sleep. I've managed to keep feeding her til she is soooo sleepy and put her down to sleep and it works. If she doesn't drop off I just pick her up, feed her a bit more, repeat repeat repeat. But it's tiring! So I often cosleep (in a different bed to OH for safety) and feed to sleep.
Hopefully a sleep magician will be along soon with some advice for us!

TittyGolightly Tue 30-May-17 13:15:56

Everywhere?

Lots of research out here about how unrealistic our expectations of baby sleep are. Do whatever gets you through the night.

You haven't "trained your baby" badly.

teaandbiscuitsforme Tue 30-May-17 13:17:53

Do you want to change your set up or do you feel like you should?

I say this because it took me until my DD was about 7 months to accept that she fed to sleep, co-slept and that was actually what was best for us, despite what all the advice I read seemed to say! I'm now co-sleeping with my 5 month old DS and I don't stress about it. I know it won't be forever and I know it's best for my family.

So my point is, make changes if you want to but don't feel like you're doing something that is bad!

If you want to change your set up, the first thing you need to think about is what comfort your DD is going to have to get to sleep if she's not BF?

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 13:24:03

Ginger that's a good idea! Just keep putting her down sleepy until it works. I may try that tonight! I'd imagine you're training her in a nice way so she knows you're always there!!
Titty yes all of the sites say that baby should sleep through by six months and putting her down fully asleep trains her to be a nervous sleeper as I'm not there when she wakes up ? I'm not sleep deprived or anything and once she's in bed she's fine but there's not a lot of room for her anymore so I'd like her to be in her cot but most nights she won't sleep in her cot for more than about an hour at a time sad

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 13:26:53

Tea thank you so much, how does your older baby sleep now? I'd like her to sleep in her cot but she's okay to co sleep with me for a bit longer I just don't want to train her to be a bad sleeper when she's older honestly !

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 13:28:22

Tea what other comfort can she have? I read something about letting her sleep with a bear that smells like me so you think that would help her settle herself back to sleep in the night? I honestly quite like feeding her to sleep, it's a nice part of her bedtime routine !!

Cel982 Tue 30-May-17 13:40:47

Never, the books are wrong. They just are. A whole very lucrative industry has been built around telling tired mothers that the way they're getting their babies to sleep is wrong, and will lead to a lifetime of problems. It's not true. Small babies expect to be breastfed to sleep and to wake up with their mothers.

I was in the same position as you three years ago, and tortured myself reading all the advice sites and books; I even tried sleep training for a short time, which is one of my biggest regrets. It was only when I accepted that my DD's sleep was normal, and embraced co-sleeping for the long term, that I relaxed about it all and things got much better. (She's now 3.5 and sleeps through the night in her own room.)

Do what you're doing, keep her close and she'll get there in her own time.

TittyGolightly Tue 30-May-17 13:49:37

all of the sites say that baby should sleep through by six months and putting her down fully asleep trains her to be a nervous sleeper as I'm not there when she wakes up ?

It's not true (and neither is it true that all sites say it).

Google Swansea university research.

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 14:19:13

Thank you so much cel and titty. I've clearly been reading lots of bullshit, all my friends babies are apparently sleeping through in a cot but honestly me and my partner don't mind co sleeping so I guess I'll just keep doing that. Thanks everyone smile

Gooseygoosey12345 Tue 30-May-17 14:22:37

Honestly we always feed to sleep, my dd was a brilliant sleeper and I do think it's because of that. She's nearly 7 now and has always been a brilliant sleeper. I don't think it's natural to "sleep train" a baby personally. They need comfort, it's instinct. Do whatever helps you through the night smile

teaandbiscuitsforme Tue 30-May-17 14:28:44

Never I like feeding to sleep too. It's such a peaceful time in the day!

When my DD was about 16 months, we started transitioning her to a bed in her own room. So I started by co-sleeping with her, then did some gentle night weaning and eventually my DH took over any wake ups and started putting her to bed. It took a few months but we weren't going to rush her (despite DS being due! grin) She sleeps through now and loves her bed. I honestly don't think we had any negative impact on her sleep at all.

As for another form of comfort, you might have needed to use a dummy if you wanted her to sleep independently and quite quickly. Otherwise I'd start introducing a comforter in the next few months. My DD has a soft toy that we introduced at about 10 months. She showed no interest in it for ages but won't sleep without it now!

Neverknowing Tue 30-May-17 14:38:36

I'm so glad it doesn't sound like I'm going anything wrong. I really do love feeding her to sleep at night tea when she's all sleepy. She's such a calm baby, rarely cries and is so content but at night I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong!
Glad to hear your DD sleeps well now, I may have to get more advice from you when mine is old enough to sleep on her own! Thank you so much.

Firenight Tue 30-May-17 15:30:23

If cosleeping and breastfeeding work then there is nothing wrong. Babies are designed to wake frequently and to want to be close to their mothers.

My 3 year old still cosleeps but she mostly goes through the night, so long as she is close to me! The 7 year old stopped breastfeeding a good few years ago and sleep happily in his own bed - but does like to get in with us for a cuddle in the small hours.

Theducksarenotmyfriends Thu 01-Jun-17 21:38:08

It's completely natural for a baby to want to co sleep with its mother and to feed frequently at night (bf is much more than just nutrition, it's a source of comfort). If you're happy doing it then continue, it just might take a while! Plus I read that breast milk at night contains more tryptophan which induces sleep (which is why it's so effective at knocking them back out to sleep!) and helps the production of serotonin so don't feel bad for night feeds!

Do you feed her lying down at night? We were able to get much more sleep this way.

Neverknowing Fri 02-Jun-17 09:53:11

Yes I feed her lying down so i get enough sleep. I'm just worried about training her to be a bad sleeper. There's also not a lot of room left in the bed when she's in with us so it's a bit of a nuisance but I guess I'll just keep doing that smile

Theducksarenotmyfriends Fri 02-Jun-17 10:50:41

I read on the kellymom website that all babies learn to self soothe and sleep through the night even if you do nothing to encourage it as it's developmental. I'm hoping that's true anyway! I worry the same about whether I'm training my dd to be a bad sleeper but when I've tried other methods there's lots of tears and she just seems so content and easily settled with co sleeping and lots of night feeds. It's just you hear of people having to do it for years so I hope it doesn't come to that! Although another mum I know co slept and her baby pretty much slept with a nipple in its mouth constantly but then naturally self weaned at just over a year and sleeps fine independently now, which is encouraging! Babies are all so different it's hard to know.

Neverknowing Fri 02-Jun-17 16:16:50

That's exactly it @Theducksarenotmyfriends ! Im glad there's stories about babies self weaning at night, I just hate when she's upset when she's so content when I just feed her. It feels a bit evil to chose to let her cry.
I just don't want her still in the bed at 3 years! Hopefully she'll wean by a year too.

AgathaCrispie Fri 02-Jun-17 17:11:01

FWIW my fed-to-sleep baby slept through from 11 weeks! She did this consistently for 5 glorious months. Then started waking again. It's kind of a pain now, because feeding is the only way I know to get her back off, but it isn't the feeding that causes the waking. Babies vary massively, their sleep develops in fits and starts, and you're best off setting your own priorities for how it happens. If it's working for you, you have nothing to worry about.

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