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Why does he fight it????

(10 Posts)
fosterdoris Thu 18-May-17 22:15:36

Sooooo...... we have our first FC and was fine for first few weeks. But recently bedtime has become an issue - fine with going to the bath and doing all the stuff but then probs start when he has to get out. Whinging, shouting, running, swearing etc etc. We have been advised to just let it go and ignore which we do (despite this involving multiple trips up and downstairs by FC and lots of shouts by by FC - we ignore it all but so hard!) and once in bed we have found that saying nothing but just stroking hand / hair generally works - eventually! But my question is why on earth does he fight sleep?! He is so obviously tired - eyes closing etc but then seems to wake himself up so that he can carry on shouting etc ....... any ideas?

blue2014 Thu 18-May-17 22:32:02

Is FC foster child? How old is he? Lots of kids fight sleep for lots of reasons but maybe sleep is scary for him. What has he seen that would make being asleep unsafe or does he fear you may not be there when he wakes?

FATEdestiny Fri 19-May-17 09:42:27

How old is he? Do you have the experience of your own children?

Some do fight going to sleep. Even children with strong attachments have very unhealthy sleep habits, for one reason or another. So a child having dealt with such upheaval in their life may well struggle with the practicalities of how to relax and go to sleep peacefully.

A useful tactic to develop is the 'firm hand'. As the child is going to sleep, sot by them and have your hand on their chest/back/shoulder. Don't push down, but also don't gentle lay your hand. The idea that as the child Close a their eyes and relaxed, he can still feel the weight of your hand. He may have a fear that as soon as he closes closed his eyes, you'll vanish
So the firm hand makes it 'safe' for him to relax and close his eyes, while still knowing you're still there.

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 12:20:26

He's 6 - and we have no clear idea of what he's been subjected to so definitely could be that something's happened in the bedroom / at night.
FATE - I tried holding his hand - this worked a few times but last night kept pulling away so I just sat by bed - will carry on trying this though
Haven't had any children of my own so sometimes hard to know what's "normal" and what we should be more concerned about..... early days though so will see how it goes!
Thanks for advice smile

blue2014 Fri 19-May-17 12:56:57

Foster - what fate means is have your hand on his chest rather than holding it. Gentle shushs, maybe a bed time story (that's happy). You could also maybe talk to him about bedtime during the day and how important sleep is and ask him if he has worries about sleeping?

You should be able to ask your foster team about this?

It's a lovely thing you are doing smileflowers

FATEdestiny Fri 19-May-17 14:04:40

I tried holding his hand - this worked a few times but last night kept pulling away so I just sat by bed - will carry on trying this though

Oh bless him. I don't have any experience of foster or adopted children, so feel a little out my depth here. For example I don't know if not wanting to be touched should be respected, or not.

Rather than holding his hand, you could just try resting your hand on his torso so he knows you are there.

But maybe he doesn't like being touched while he's in bed? I can think of reasons why that might be the case ☹

There is an adoption board on mumsnet. The posters on there will have more experience dealing with the sleep issues of children with attachment issues.

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 14:15:44

Thanks both smile
Foster teams offer some help but mainly this is impractical!
I joined MN because I think real life advice is prob more helpful so will check out the adoption section
Thanks smile

blue2014 Fri 19-May-17 15:59:45

Best of luck smileflowers

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 20:58:31

#fail sadtonight was bad - after eleventy billion attempts at soothing (no get off), ignoring (talk to me), bargaining (I'll do it - no I won't), FC then decided to try and leap over the banister. DP intervened and 2 hours later he is now asleep........... tomorrow is another day

blue2014 Fri 19-May-17 22:29:17

Oh love, I hope it gets better

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