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She just won't sleep

(27 Posts)
SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 08:49:50

She's 19 weeks
She's tired.
She rubs her eyes
She cries because she's tired.
Will she sleep? Will she fuck.
She has never slept well. From the moment she stopped just sleeping and eating as a newborn she's not napped unless it was an accident of hers.

She won't boob to sleep
She won't be jogged or jiggled
She won't be put down and left
She won't be driven
She won't sleep in the pram
She won't sleep in the sling with me walking miles.
She fights it so so hard. She's so interested in whatever's going on. Slightest bit of noise and she pings awake.
She barely gets 8 hrs overnight because she won't go down at a bed time and hates going to sleep
I am on my knees.
If she does accidentally fall asleep she pings awake after 20-30 min. Shows signs of tiredness but won't sleep
Right now she is screaming with exhaustion at my husband who is pacing with her.

I am SICK of people saying "oh I'll take her, we'll go for a nice walk and she'll fall asleep" only to have her returned to me with "oh she fights it doesn't she? None of mine were like that"
Thanks.

What the hell do I do?
I don't drink caffeine. She's not getting caffeine through me. We have a bedtime routine. I don't know what to do.
I absolutely abhor CC but I am close to just dumping her in her crib at nap times and just fucking off because I don't know what to do.

NotTheBelleoftheBall Mon 15-May-17 08:53:15

Have you tried a dummy? We found it distracted DD for long enough to allow her to close her eyes.

Watching an overtired baby fight sleep is the most frustrating thing in the world, especially when all YOU want is to sleep.

In the meantime, caffeine and cake.

NotTheBelleoftheBall Mon 15-May-17 08:54:02

Fuck no coffee! Coke? Chocolate? Tea? Get your caffeine where you can!

NotTheBelleoftheBall Mon 15-May-17 08:55:53

Or having actually read your post: green smoothie, refreshing and makes you feel like you're doing something worthwhile for your body. I stand by cake though.

You might be able to tell that I too, am lacking in sleep, our usual reasonable-sleeper woke up a bajillion times last night.

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 08:55:59

She hates her dummy. We gently hold it in whilst trying to get her to sleep. She takes it for a bit then tries to spit it out so she can scream at us more.

I relented on the dummy thing at about 4 weeks.
Doesn't help but doesn't stop us trying.

Sandsnake Mon 15-May-17 08:56:33

You poor thing. It won't be you it will be her - some of them are just wired like that. I had a very alert baby who struggled with sleep. A big help for us was loud white noise as it helped him to turn off his brain and drown out other sound. The one that did it for him was called 'Baby got colic' you can find a free 10 minute video of it on YouTube and if it helps at all it can by purchased from iTunes. Obviously I'm not saying it will work for you but thought I'd mention it just in case! I really feel for you, it is so frustrating and shitty when they won't sleep flowers

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 08:57:42

I cut out caffeine when I realised she was really struggling to sleep. I didn't want her to get it through me.

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 08:59:06

Ewan's a lying bastard.

But he helps me to sleep so he can stay

Luckystar1 Mon 15-May-17 09:02:55

Have you tried a sling (sorry I know it's completely blah advice!)?

Also, the key I found with my DS (horrendous napper) was to start putting him down 1.5 hours after waking. Don't wait for any other signals (with my DS, signals were too late). Just crack on with timings.

I did it with my DD too, and she had been a much better napper as a result (I think!)

I do the same thing every time. Into room, white noise, sleeping bag, feed, bed.

Also, remember there may be a sleep regression at play here too, but I reckon she's over tired (I know why don't they just fucking GO TO SLEEP!!!!)

VinIsGroot Mon 15-May-17 09:08:49

My DS was like this !!!! Newborns slept constantly .... mine was awake for the first 24 hours of his life!
DS is 7 now! We use 2 medicines to make him sleep and he still wakes at 2am!

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 09:13:12

I love my sling and Tula. So does she. She can see EVERYTHING and that's worth staying awake for!

We go swimming and she won't sleep after

We go to baby massage and then I continue massage at home and she won't sleep after a massage.

I asked my husband at what age they can diagnose hyperactivity because it can't be her diet

FATEdestiny Mon 15-May-17 11:14:31

I don't know if you have already read about this SpaceDinosaur, but I found that understanding the science behind baby sleep helped me understand the bigger picture.

So in the newborn phase, baby sleep is like it was in the womb - passive. As long as all needs are met (primarily hunger, comfort and security) then baby will sleep. Waking happens when a need is unmet and the passive state of being asleep returns as soon as the needs are met again.

Then as baby leaves the newborn phase (ususlly 2-4 months old) sleep matures and instead of being passive, it's an active endeavour. Sleep now exists in cycles. These cycles involve a brief light sleeping phase between deeper sleeping phases.

The light sleeping phase is left over from hunter-gatherer days when humans could be eaten while sleeping. So the brief light sleeping phase is an 'environment check', not meant for properly waking but offering a semi-conscious time to check all is well.

In adults, these light sleeping phases between sleep cycles may involve turning over, pulling the duvet over you, glancing at the clock. But imagine you entered this semi conscious phase and realised instead of being in bed where you went to sleep, you were now in the backseat of a car. You wouldn't just roll over and go back to sleep in that case, you'd probably be fully awake within seconds wondering WTF happened. This is why it's important that baby goes to sleep in the same place they can stay asleep. It's fine if this is in your arms or next to you in bed. It diesnt doesn't have to be a cot. But moving a sleeping baby is never a good idea for long term sleep.

The fact that sleep is now an active endeavour and that baby is sleeping in cycles - it now means that parents have to work to get baby to sleep. Some babies nedd less work, some need more. They all need active help though.

Some things that help:
- something to suck (dummy nipple)
- perpetual movement (Have you tried a bouncy chair?)
- secure feeling (feeling you hand on them, in your arms, swaddle, sling)
- plenty of calories (frequent, big feeds to calorie load in the daytime)

Limiting awake time is really important. Initial tired signs mean baby should have been asleep about half an hour earlier - the idea is to anticipate sleep and have baby asleep before they show any tired signs.

Some people call this stage the 4 month sleep regression it's actuslky actually not a regression, that suggests that it's only temporary and if you keep doing what you are doing you will come out the other side. That isnt true, it's a perminant change to the nature of sleep. It will last as long as it takes for parent and baby to learn a new way to get to sleep. It might take only a few days/weeks to adapt. In some families it takes many, many months and they don't really adapt at all.

I don't know if that's helpful. Or not. It helped me to understand the reasons for seeing what was happening with baby's sleep.

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 21:12:05

Lucky and Fate
Thank you both! That was an education.

I started to try and put her into sleeptime after 90 min today. And I think it helped a little.

The info on sleep "hygiene" I guess, environment and expectations...

The car is a nonstarter anyway as we have a fixed car seat so there's no way She can be kept in it.

I started bedtime earlier because she was awake 90min.
I fed her ...to a light sleep then deliberately disturbed her to put on her sleeping bag. Then encouraged her to feed again from the other side to ensure she was full as an egg before putting her in her crib, awake, with my hand on her chest with me withdrawing my hand whilst she was awake and she had a dummy in. And there we remained with Ewan doing his thing for about 10 min

And she bloody fell asleep.

I don't know what happened.

She's still asleep and it's been 40 min.
I am in the bath!!!

Beginners luck clearly but fuck me you ladies are amazing.

I was a pretty shitty mother this morning but at least I feel like I can have some hope again.

Thank you. 💐💐💐💐💐

FATEdestiny Mon 15-May-17 21:32:53

Yey! That's fantastic!

Enjoy your bath 🛀

LalaLeona Mon 15-May-17 21:55:23

Great news!! I had a baby like yours only thing that worked for me was a dummy while being rigorously bounced in the bouncer with white noise blaring! It did get better..eventually!

Believeitornot Mon 15-May-17 22:00:13

SOunds like my dd. She was so miserable as a baby and hardly smiled. She had silent reflux and tongue tie. Plus she didn't like getting too hot (even now at 5 she stomps around in a vest at the hint of sun. In February grin)

We found a sling she liked (hated the baby born but loved the manduca), made sure she wasn't too hot (she gets hives if she over heats - she was a naturally warmer baby so doesn't like being over dressed which was a contrast to ds!!) and she was very particular about a certain dummy which I bought in desperation at 12 weeks. No other dummy worked.
We kept her room cool and used white noise as well.

SpaceDinosaur Mon 15-May-17 23:28:46

I mean. She's woken twice since she went down but it's ok because she went down. One victory a day is more than amazing

Raaaaaah Tue 16-May-17 07:53:26

You describe my youngest DD exactly SpaceDinosaur. It wouldn't have been so hellish had she been happy when awake but she was bloody miserable with exhaustion. I finally caved and got a sleep consultant at a year. DP had been suggesting we do this for months. She sleeps much, much better now but can still fight sleep like a good 'un given half a chance. She is also perpetually on the go when awake, literally never sits still. Won't listen to a book, music group etc. Funnily enough DS has ADHD but he sleeps like the proverbial log once asleep.
Despite having had two kids and having experienced relative levels of sleep deprivation, DD2 broke me. You have my every sympathy.

riddles26 Tue 16-May-17 12:50:14

You are describing my daughter perfectly SpaceDinosaur. I have every bit of sympathy for you, it is absolute hell, particularly when everyone else thinks they can 'fix' it and then hands them back to you to tell you that you were telling the truth hmm

Mine is now almost 7 months and I also used a sleep consultant. We trained her at 5.5 months and have a good routine going now but it has been tough getting here. I hope your success continues and you don't need to go down the route I did smile

SpaceDinosaur Tue 16-May-17 17:50:08

She's a cheerful little soul all the time. But would happily rave all night given half a chance and I'm certain she'd break.

This "stick her down for a nap after 90 min" notion has had miracle results. She's fallen asleep calmly (no crying it out or any of that!) with me sat there with a hand on her chest, three times now!!! THRICE DAMMIT!! grin

OnlyaBitStressed Tue 16-May-17 17:55:58

Could she have silent reflux? Have u tried raising one end of the cot?

blue2014 Tue 16-May-17 18:22:23

smile brilliant, I'd been lurking and wondering how you were doing

FATEdestiny Tue 16-May-17 19:19:32

This "stick her down for a nap after 90 min" notion has had miracle results

grin

I'm so please for you. It really is that simple.

A wake time will change, so watch out for small changes and be flexible with awake time accordingly. For example if baby is ill/teething/had a bad night - awake time might want to shrink to 60 minutes for the day. If baby starts taking longer (15+ minutes) to get to sleep and is sleeping well, start stretching awake time a bit to encourage longer naps.

Once you work out the awake time that "works" for your child though, everything gets easier.

SpaceDinosaur Wed 17-May-17 04:40:06

I've just been treated to a concert of singing and farting in the dark for 40 min! grin

And she's boobing again now.

I was going to ask that fate, thank you!

Nope, no reflux. No symptoms, no pain, no classic redux signs. Just a baby with a stash of red bull somewhere and a raver attitude! 😝

Raaaaaah Wed 17-May-17 10:13:45

Ah, she's happy during the day. You've lost my sympathy wink.

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