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Please help me get my 9-month old to sleep!

(12 Posts)
CosyPinkBlanket Sat 13-May-17 21:11:58

I'm really struggling getting her down. I usually breastfeed her to sleep in the Next To Me but she's started biting me recently. Tonight I am trying her in her big cot with formula as the biting really hurts. She's point blank refusing the formula. I feel like it's a real battle of wills and now we're both getting upset (I know I'm too soft). I need her to start going into her own room now but I'm not sure how to do it well. I can't let her cry it out as I find it really upsetting and I'm finding it difficult to not just breastfeed her.

Her maps are shocking through the day - I just can't get her to sleep.

She's having a real tantrum at the moment and it's really upsetting me. I just want to get her out the cot and feed her and cuddle her but I know that's probably a bad idea. Can anyone give me some advice before I join in with the crying! She's getting really upset now and so am I.

Thanks. x

FATEdestiny Sat 13-May-17 21:21:00

Comfort your baby. Feed her if that's her comfort. It's never bad to comfort your baby.

Sure, you can start guiding her towards independant sleep. But that's not likely to happen in a "Right that's it! I'm not doing it anymore" kind of way. Well, not unless you just leave her to scream.

Separating feeding and sleeping would be a good idea though. You know, she doesn't need a bedtime milk feed. You could breastfeed her if you want to. But if you don't and she doesn't want formula, you could just not give her that feed at all. It's fine to have the last feed of the day half an hour before bedtime. Or an hour before. It doesn't need to be right at bedtime.

So to do that, ahes going to need alternate ways to feel comforted. Dummy? Snuggle toy? Maybe Dad could sit with her shushing and patting her in the cot?

Hedgeh0g Sat 13-May-17 21:27:24

Re: the biting, have you tried teething gel or similar before a feed? If it's at a particular time in a feed, e.g. towards the end when she's losing interest, then you can try anticipating it as well and being ready to unlatch her. Pulling her in towards you so she has to unlatch works well even it's counterintuitive. Sorry if you know all this already. You have my sympathies, biting us bloody awful. I agree with Fate as well that separating milk and bed is often a good way to encourage independent sleep, but just wondering if there's anything you can do to solve the biting problem in the short term so that you can feel less under pressure over the bedtime thing.

drinkingtea Sat 13-May-17 21:34:32

I night weaned dc1 at 9 months because her settling and sleep stretches were deteriorating and she was comfort feeding more and more at night. DH did night one and after that I did the settling but wearing a jumper to cover up and prevent access! shockgrin

You give cuddles on demand, just not milk - it took 3 nights for cuddles instead of breast feed to become acceptable.

With dc1 it led to improved settling and sleep, though with DC3 his sleep didn't improve... You don't need to swap to bottle feeding to sleep though, you can swap to cuddling and give milk at times other than very last thing.

CosyPinkBlanket Sat 13-May-17 21:37:14

Thanks FATE, there's a few helpful things in there. I know it's never bad to comfort them but feeding is her comfort and she's really biting (I know she doesn't mean it) and bloody hell it hurts! I tried cuddling and kissing and stroking and singing all to no avail (I never left her while she was upset, I was just trying different things) and she's now asleep in the crib beside my bed having breastfed to sleep.

I definitely won't be able to let her cry it out but am ready for her to be in her own room now. For her own safety room as she's pulling herself up to standing in the crib.

She's never had a dummy and doesn't seem to be bothered about soft toys despite having loads of them so breastfeeding is her comfort. Hubby is out tonight and away with work for a few days from tomorrow so unfortunately not around to do the shushing but I'll definitely try that when he's back. x

CosyPinkBlanket Sat 13-May-17 21:49:16

The biting is usually when I first put her down and she's still a bit restless and fighting sleep. I clean her two little (but sharp!) teeth and brush her gums and then put bonjela on. I'll give her Calpol if she appears to be really suffering. Honestly Hedgeh0g, I actually get nervous feeding her at night as I'm just waiting on her clamping down!

Drinkingtea, my daughter is not subtle and will just mash her face into my boobs when she wants fed. If hubby is home she can be distracted for a while by playing with daddy and having a drink of water but if it's just me, there is no distracting her. I think I'm going to need a steely resolve to swap milk for cuddles. I don't really do steely resolve unfortunately. I just want to give her the comfort that she wants.

Tomfunsnumber1trolley Tue 16-May-17 20:38:39

Are you me?? I'm having the same problem with my almost ten month old. We tried to get her to sleep without feeding tonight. Tbf DH probably would've succeeded with cuddling her to sleep but I thought that would be another habit forming so we tried putting her in the cot. Cue an hour and a half of crying. In the end I gave up and stuck her on my boob. She's now asleep. I'm exhausted, she's crap at napping and I feel constantly on edge. I'm short tempered with 5yo DS and feel like a shit mum. Sorry for the hijack, o wish I could offer advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone.

CosyPinkBlanket Tue 16-May-17 21:56:54

I'm pretty sure you're not a shit mum. Don't worry about hijacking - I hijacked someone else's post earlier! smile I was exhausted a few weeks ago with just her and my mind went a bit mad and was feeling so anxious and seeing threats when really there was none. Mental exhaustion is awful. I can barely cope with 5 minutes of dd being upset, I've no idea how you managed that long! Your dd sounds rather strong-willed like mine.

I have two problems - I like a quiet life and I'm too soft. The feeding her to sleep happened quite by accident and, truthfully, I really quite enjoyed (and still do apart from the biting now) that time with her. She's also crap at napping. Yesterday she had two decent naps and went down at 10.30pm. She slept until 9.45am this morning (not right through - I wish), she had one nap today and she was sound asleep (after feeding to sleep as dh is away and not strong enough on my own to stand firm with her) by 9.15pm. No two days are the same with her. I'm tired but thankfully not exhausted as I've only got her so I'm able to sleep in if she sleeps in.

I'm hoping that once I go back to work and she starts at nursery that we will get into a routine.

Please don't think you're a shit mum. flowers

Tomfunsnumber1trolley Wed 17-May-17 10:03:20

Ah thank you, you're very kind. She slept until half one last night, had quite a quick feed then slept until half five. After another quick feed she slept until 7. So not a bad night and I don't feel too bad today. She is very strong willed and like you I'm too soft! When are you back at work? I'm back for a week in July and then back properly in September when she'll be starting nursery.

CosyPinkBlanket Wed 17-May-17 11:23:06

I think dd was up a few times through the night and she's waking quite a lot with the lighter mornings. Our room is really hot so I'm wondering if she's thirsty and wanting a drink as opposed to hungry or wanting comforted. It's funny how we class that as not a bad night!!! If dd wakes only twice then I consider it a good night!!! She slept until 8.45 this morning and I was up at 8am so am feeling pretty good today!

I've got a keep in touch day next week and then I think I'll be going back July/August time, depending on how many days holiday I've accrued. I'm still waiting to hear if I have a place at the nursery our names are down on! There was a 2-year waiting list and I put our names down when I was 12-weeks pregnant!!

RobyneHet Wed 17-May-17 14:48:53

Hi girls...reading about the biting puts the fear of god into me 😱 DS has no teeth yet at 6months.
Just wanted to say about the feeding to DS was waking 1-2 hourly all night long and feeding back to sleep was becoming exhausting. I thought this was the problem and worked really hard to encourage 'independent sleeping' with a dummy...and guess what...he still wakes all night 🙈😂 I guess what I'm saying is I wouldn't stop feeding to sleep expecting it to be a miracle cure (like me!) because it might not be and you might just end up with a lot of unnecessary stress and tears. I'm saying it's gr8 to feed to sleep...don't get me wrong I much prefer some dummy runs that DH can help with than having to feed back to sleep...just food for thought (no pun intended 😉) that's all xxx

RobyneHet Wed 17-May-17 14:49:54

*not saying!

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