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nightweaning for IVF, failing, please help!!!

(18 Posts)
crepust Wed 03-May-17 16:27:23

IVF clinic have told me I have to wean then wait 4 months before they'll treat me. I'm single so hubby putting the baby down is not an option. My child doesn't talk yet so I can't have much of a conversation with them about it. I'm 40 so time is running/run out (child conceived at 37)

I tried the Dr Jay Gordon method last night, after over an hour of screaming I didn't know what to do, so I boobed her, I KNOW you're not meant to but I was worried about traumatising her. She started sleeping at one point but I moved my arm a miniscule amount and we were back to square one.

My prolactin is 200 (normal range is 0-700) and I know there's a facebook group for women who are having ivf and have lied to their doctors as they can't wean their kids (they research the drugs via sources such as the Drugs in Breastmilk Helpline which has a pharmacist who specialises in the issue, that's how they avoid harm to the foetus etc).

I still really want to wean to give myself maximum amount of chance of conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy, but also because the constant interruptions at night when I'm trying to get stuff done is starting to get to me, and she's nipping and going on and off the boob now too!!

I'm going to try and have a look at Pantley's pull-off method but any other suggestions welcome, so upset.

MessyBun247 Wed 03-May-17 16:42:53

How old is baby?

crepust Wed 03-May-17 16:53:21

baby is 17 months and has been daytime-weaning for weeks now

LapinR0se Wed 03-May-17 16:56:44

Can you afford a maternity nurse for 2 nights?

CobsAhoy Wed 03-May-17 21:13:34

I started nightweening 19month DD last night. Previously (including once at about 17months) I had snapped in the early hours of the morning and just refused to nurse her, she went batshit and I crumbled and gave her the breast. This really put me off attempting it again as I am such a pushover!

This time I was a lot more prepared and made sure I exhausted her in the day. DD has just got into books so last night we went through our usual routine exactly, apart from when I would usually nurse her to sleep I said "no milk, book instead" which she was excited about, we then read some books for a bit. Wen she got tired of the books she started rooting and got pissed off that she couldn't get to my boob, started crying with anger/frustration but no actual tears, I sang to her throughout this time and held her in my arms,this lasted about 15mins before she settled and we lay down together in her bed while I continued singing, she fell asleep after about 5minutes.

We had two night wakings (this is a miracle for us recently, previously she had pretty much been attached to a boob all night) and I just repeated the cuddling+singing+shushing, both times she was angry crying for about ten mins, but again no actual tears. She was very unsettled all night, lots of whining but she did not need me to settle her apart from those two night wakings.

I did the same again with her nap today and had pretty much the same experience, albeit she was a bit more pissy. She woke up once during her 90min nap and I resettled her with cuddles and singing.

Tonight (so far) was a lot easier, she went to sleep a lot quicker and there was no rooting or crying, it all felt much calmer. I gave her a beaker of milk while I was reading to her and that seemed to go down well.

I'm aware it's still early days for me+DD but thought I'd share as I felt like I was the only person trying to night ween a milk crazed toddler. Oh and DD starts the night in her own toddler bed but I bring her into our bed at first waking.

Good luck with it, hope something in my essay is helpful to you!

thereareworsethingsicoulddo Wed 03-May-17 21:42:52

Have just weaned my 19 month year old (10 days no boob!) He was only feeding at night too. And he's sleeping so much better now!
My top tips are lots of chat in the day about mummy's milk being gone, big boys drink milk from a cup (or girls in your case), your friend xyz (insert playmate's name) is a big boy he drinks his milk from a cup etc etc.
And then at night a bra and top to restrict access and lots and lots of cuddles plus tell your DD 'mummy's milk is all gone'.
And willpower. A PP's book suggestion is a good idea, mix up the routine. Good luck!

crepust Thu 04-May-17 04:26:48

thank you very much for your stories of hope! I've just gone back to normal for tonight whilst I work out my next move. She does understand some stuff I say to her, it's just hard to work out how much she understands.

crepust Thu 04-May-17 04:27:55

I doubt there'd be a maternity nurse available in our area :-(

CobsAhoy Thu 04-May-17 05:48:04

Just to update you DD slept through last night for the first time in her life, there was no whining or fussing at all, no rooting or trying to pull my top. I'm just letting you know as DD also isn't talking yet so I was sceptical about 'explaining' the changes working in our case. I didn't really talk to her about it in advance apart from that first night where I kept it really basic and and said "no milk,book instead". I knew that she understood "no", "milk" and "book" so kept it really simple.

For us, it helped that I was certain now was the right time, night nursing had gone from being a way to get DD back to sleep quickly and easily, to being something she was waking up for and which wasn't reliably getting her back sleep. So I felt comfortable that it was in her best interests and this helped me see night weening as a positive. I think if you are ambivalent about it then it's so much harder, especially in the early hours of the morning when you are really feeling guilty and doubting your decision!

I guess all babies are different, but I really noticed a massive difference in DD's independence/adaptability between 17 and 19months so don't dispair just because it hasn't worked this time, and don't let one previous difficult attempt put you off trying again in a little while.

crepust Fri 05-May-17 00:35:34

cobsahoy, thank you for your update, it's good to hear from someone whose toddler doesn't talk yet. I haven't tried nightweaning again yet but she did have a lot of books (unusual for her) tonight before being boobed to sleep. She hasn't woken up yet which is pretty good for her, but is probably more to do with being exhausted by kids that visited at teatime when she was due a nap (which she didn't get). I have a bit of time away from her tomo so that will give me a proper chance to think about what to do next......i'm kicking myself for moving my arm, if I hadn't done that I think she'd have continued sleeping and i'd have continued nightweaning......am wondering if I should start with the bedtime feed and not the first waking.....she's got to sleep twice recently without boob at bedtime as she was just biting too much.....and maybe that would mean it was less of a shock to her if she didn't get it when she woke up...

lovecreameggs Fri 05-May-17 09:51:45

Yes start with the bedtime feed, it sorted it here, as the understanding is there from the get go. Go out and choose a special mug with her for her bedtime milk, explain that mummy's milk is finished now but she gets the amazing special magical cup and then a story (make the story high value/new book). Then when she wakes offer water and remind her mummy's milk is finished. You'll get crying but it will subside and I found most useful was to tell her a story with lights off (handily I know all the Julia Donaldson ones off by heart!) and that usually calmed my dd down enough for her to go back to sleep without boob

QueenRefusenik Fri 05-May-17 10:05:02

I nightweaned 16month old DS a couple of months ago - had to as I had to go away for a week for work. We knocked one feed out at a time - he was feeding uo to 4x a night at that point! He was not a happy bunny but it only took a couple of days each time to get the idea and once we were down to 2x feeds he just started sleeping through anyway. We kept the bedtime feed just to keep our options open, but he doesn't seem too bothered on the odd occasion I'm not there to deliver it and goes down OK for daddy (haven't tried anyone else yet).

It is definitely tough for a few days and yes, I was terrified I'd traumatise him for life but as a friend pointed out, I wasn't abandoning him to cry alone, I was there, right next to him soothing him, offering him drinks etc. Honestly, for all the screaming I think it was tougher on us than him in the end!

CobsAhoy Fri 05-May-17 10:21:21

On the first night I started no-nursing at bedtime and I think that helped as then the no-boob at night wakings were less of a shock (but still pissed her off!). When id previously just spontaneously refused to nurse in the middle of the night she got really upset, full on tears etc, and I think that was because it must be quite confusing/scary to wake up in the middle of the night and completely unexpectedly everything has changed! At least if you make the change at bedtime they are half expecting it when they wake up.

crepust Tue 09-May-17 06:23:19

thank you all for your advise, it really helps knowing that there are people willing to take the time to reply in a supportive way :-)

I'm going to start tonight with the bedtime feed I reckon....

CobsAhoy Tue 09-May-17 13:08:18

Good luck! Let us know how you do it and how you get on, fingers crossed for you!

crepust Tue 09-May-17 21:13:07

thanks cobahoy, didn't feed her to sleep just now and there were tears but it was ok, not more than 30mins and not distraught all the time. Let's see how it goes when she wakes up later on tho......

CobsAhoy Tue 09-May-17 21:34:18

Sounds like a great start, hope the rest of the night goes well for you crepust!

CobsAhoy Wed 10-May-17 20:44:39

How didn't it go last night/tonight crepust?

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