Co-sleeping past 15 months(10 Posts)
Could really use some advice from some attachment parenty types.
Sorry this is really long. Just want to give all info.
My son started off in a Moses basket next to our bed (although he didn't spend much time in it) and from about 12 weeks he moved permanently into our bed.
We have a king-sized bed but my husband likes a lot of space (he's gangly and restless) so our comfort has suffered from the sleeping arrangements.
My husband takes up half the bed, but it's not enough. Then comes me with a quarter of the space, and my son gets the final quarter. With a guard to stop him falling out.
I feed him to sleep every night and he also feeds through the night without properly waking either me or himself.
I have been very happy with this arrangement throughout, I enjoy lying and reading while I feed him to sleep and I like having him right by my side so I know he's warm and safe.
Due to the space issues and also possibly bothered by never being alone together, my husband is not so keen.
He's not always a very forthcoming person and also wants to be suportive, so he hasn't actually complained, but he has asked a few times when I think DS will be ready to go into his own room. He generally trusts me to make parenting decisions and he knows I'm also stubborn when it comes to following my instincts so I know he won't push any more than that even if he wants to.
So after being away from home with DS for a few days, I decided that our return home would be the perfect time to change things up.
I put his cot bed on the lowest setting in his room with one side off and made myself a bed on the floor next to him.
The idea is that I can be right there to feed him and comfort him but he will get used to sleeping in his own bed.
We've done three nights and I've barely slept. He wakes up all the time and I have to get up to try comfortably feed him in one of several unsuccessful positions.
The second night he seemed a bit cold (he hates covers) so I gave in and brought him down onto the floor with me and then slept ok although not comfortably. Last night I spent most of the night in the cot bed with him in some unnatural contortion.
I don't know if he's actually waking more due to being in a new room (although he usually travels well) or I'm just noticing it a lot more as I'm having to really wake up each time. Maybe he feeds 20 times a night every night and I just don't notice?
I know that he sleeps much more deeply with my physical presence in the bed though, so I think that's most of it. How to wean him off needing to feel me beside him?
And the real question - should I?
My concern is that maybe he's not ready, and maybe I'm not either. I'm conscious that I didn't do this because I feel ready or think he's ready, but to try to help with my marriage.
If my husband and I reconnect and sleep better, the quality of life for all three of us will improve. That was my thinking.
Facing a fourth night of little sleep and lots of guilt about not aiding DS's sleep by laying beside him, I'm not sure anymore.
I should mention that my husband is away and I haven't asked him as I know he'll say it's my choice.
Any input will be gratefully received.
Is there any way you could put a single bed in? We gradually moved co-sleeping DD into her own room at 16 months and started by me sleeping in her single bed with her, then night weaning, DH taking over and co-sleeping when necessary to DH putting her to bed and her sleeping through. At least with a single there's more space for you!
I would do the night weaning before moving him to a new bed. I don't know if it will help you, but I did it by reducing feeds by a minute each night, then when she was down to just a very short feed, I just cuddled instead. If you can settle him by cuddling so he goes through most of the night without feeding, then it might be easier to get him into his own room as he wouldn't be waking for feeds?
Having said that, I have just managed to get my co-sleeping DD into her own bed all night at age 4!
Get a bigger bed!
Seriously, my husband wasn't keen on co-sleeping until we got a wide bed when DD was about 1. She's two now and he quite likes her in the bed with us still.
We just have sex on the sofa!
Stick the corned mattress on the floor, so you can roll away and walk out. I did this, it was exhausting but it got my daughter used to the fact there wasn't an all night buffet, i fed on demand when she called me into her room but would wait until she's asleep and go back to mine. That combined with moving her bedtime feed to before toothbrushing, story and cuddle really has helped to reduce feeds. And at 22 months she tends to wake max once a night now which is a huge improvement!
I moved DD into her room at 17months, still BF'd to sleep when she woke and it got off to a good start, but like you I found it really disruptive getting up to resettle her when cosleeping had previously required much less effort! The number of wakes up i was willing to tolerate just got smaller and smaller, so now I just bring her into our bed when I come to bed, i think until she's night weened she's probably going to keep waking and right now doesn't feel like the right time to night ween.
One thing that I think helped was moving DD straight into a toddler bed (was a cotbed, spent a grand total of zero nights in it when it was a cot!), she rolled out a couple of times at first but I constructed some ridiculously over the top pillow ramps at the side of the bed that were so padded she didn't even wake up wen she rolled out 😂😂😂
I moved my Co sleeper into her own bed at 2 yrs. It went very smoothly because her understanding was great due to age. At your DCs age don't underestimate how much they can understand if you use simple language and if you're consistent they are likely to pick up faster, such as 'no milk, sleepy time' repeated will quickly become understood at their age.
For those talking about keeping DC in bed, I saw a great pic on using a pool noodle for this. You out it under the sheet at Edge if mattress so it's a small barrier and their subconscious quickly learns the bed boundaries. I also used to put a duvet on the floor next to bed as when DC fell out I'd find her asleep on it as opposed to waking up with shock on the hard floor!
Dd2 is still in our bed at 20 months, I also have to lay with her to sleep, but she sleeps through and hasn't had night feeds since she was 9 weeks old!
In your case I'd say it's a double comfort being that his still feeding and lying with you.
I'd suggest trying to stop the night feeds first as by 15 months he should be able to go through without milk, once you've cracked that you can tackle the bed issue.
I really appreciate all the input. So many different yet similar responses!
I will see how tonight goes, so far he's sleeping soundly, and I will mull over the suggestions offered and come up with an excellent plan tomorrow.
Thanks so much, night all.
Our DD is 21 months, still bfing and still co sleeping. We've just come to terms that it'll be three in the bed until she changes her mind
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