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Broken by my 2 year old's night wakings

(4 Posts)
Koalaid Thu 27-Apr-17 00:47:19

I have a 6 month old who wakes 2/3 times a night to feed, which is fine and doesn't bother me as I feed her in bed and doze etc. All good. But my 2 year old has, for the last few months, been waking every 1/1.5 hours throughout the night screaming out for me (not night terrors, awake), she asks for food/ milk/ random toys. Sometimes I can settle her easily, sometimes it's an almighty battle. The long story short is that I am absolutely beyond exhausted now and I don't know how I can continue like this. Last night I probably had around 90 mins sleep all together, with 8/10 wkaings between the two children. My husband sleeps through the lot and if I do wake him to help me he gives it one attempt then rolls back over and leaves me to it. It makes me despise him.

I have tried to talk to him but he feels that as I sometimes have 'lie ins' (when he gets up with the toddler at 7 and I can sleep in with the baby til 8ish), and 'naps' (20 mins in the daytime about once every 10 days), I shouldn't be so tired. I haven't had more than 3 hours sleep in 7 months now.

I am working part time and I am struggling with everything. I'm so tired at times I'm sure I shouldn't be driving and I often feel like I've just stepped off a boat as the ground swings below my feet and my vision spins. I feel ill.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can help the toddler to sleep better? She is a terrible, picky eater and the begging for food in the night makes me feel awful as I'm so worried she may actually be hungry. However there is no real correlation between giving her food when she asks and her then sleeping so I'm worried that makes it worse. I have tried to fill her up before bed but again this has no effect. I've left her to cry a couple of times but it results in hours of screaming which is too horrendous for us both. She has had a lot of change with her sister arriving and a house move etc. Plus I have no willpower left now anyway. I just need some sleep.

Sorry for the enormous rant. I genuinely feel at breaking point. I've just been up for an hour with the 2 year old now and the baby has just woken for another feed. The cycle continues.

wineusuallyhelps Thu 27-Apr-17 01:01:36

The priority is that you get sleep asap.

What if your toddler also slept in with you? Maybe she would stop waking and then you'd both get some sleep? It doesn't have to be permanent.

Alternatively, could your DH sleep in with her to reassure her in the night?

Whatever the solution - you need to solve it together. You cannot continue dealing with this alone with no sleep. It's not fair and could be dangerous by the sound of it.

gluteustothemaximus Thu 27-Apr-17 01:25:29

This sounds bloody awful. And dangerous.

My sleep is fucked right now as my 14 month old has now gone from angel sleeping baby to screaming baby every hour. I work from home so am lucky I can just about barely cope.

Driving, no way.

Your DH really needs to step up here. I can't believe you're having to settle both children and you're working too.

Sorry, not helping on the toddler waking front. Could well be all the changes.

Hope this phase is short lived OP x

FATEdestiny Thu 27-Apr-17 07:54:39

My husband sleeps through the lot and if I do wake him to help me he gives it one attempt then rolls back over and leaves me to it. It makes me despise him.

I'm not surprised. I would despise hin too.

You don't have a baby/toddler sleep problem. You have a husband problem.

He needs to take over dealing with the toddler at night. Every time. All the time. You cannot be expected to do both.

If baby is bottle fed, I would be inclined to have a few weekend days (nights even) away from home on my own. Leave him to deal with both. If he's never been expected to do this, I can understAnd why he might not have a true understanding of what is involved.

Don't do it in a bitter or stroppy way. Just matter of fact. Maintain your own out of the home interests that mean you regularly leave DH to be on sole charge at home. He can't have an argument against this, given how easy he assumed it all is.

If he refused, LTB

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