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6 year old won't sleep alone

(9 Posts)
Gizmo1988 Sun 16-Apr-17 22:28:55

Hi I'm in desperate need of help my daughter is 6 nearly 7 and every night she e have the same issue of her constantly asking me to get in her bed no matter how many times I say yes when I go to bed she just won't sleep..I've tried leaving her and holding she falls asleep the whole giveing her my things to sleep with(pillow)and sitting in the room until she falls asleep but nothing is working.i have an older and younger child and have none of these issues with them..any help would be appreciated as I don't know how much longer I can cope with this for hours at night and no proper sleep..she also don't like leaving me Togo to school or anywhere even if she's with relatives she knows well even her dad thanks

FATEdestiny Sun 16-Apr-17 22:36:41

no matter how many times I say yes when I go to bed she just won't sleep

So when you go to bed, are you cosleeping with her in her bed?

Is that all night?

Gizmo1988 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:18:40

I tell her she will sleep in her bed when I've finished doing what I have todo if I'm lucky and she falls asleep she will wake up within an hour and I have to get in the bottom of her bed otherwise she screams for hours

FATEdestiny Mon 17-Apr-17 09:39:32

You getting in her bed is both the cause and the effect of this problem.

Because she wants you to lie down with her, any time you don't she is just going to refuse to sleep and effectively just wait until you do lie down with her. So it's making her more and more difficult at bedtime and more and more over tired.

She needs clearer boundaries.

Primarily, decide if either
(a) she is going to sleep alone. All the time. Every time.
(b) she is going to be allowed to cosleep or room share with you. Without a battle and all the time.

If (a), you need to enforce it and that will be tiring and exhausting for you. It means telling her you are not going to sleep on her room or be in her room while she goes to sleep. Ever. No matter how much she kicks off an creates, it is not going to happen.

Then for goodness sake be exceptionally consistant. She needs this boundary.

So put her to bed, tuck her in, kiss, leave. Have a mantra: "Bedtime now. You must lie down in your bed quietly at bedtime". Every time she gets up, return her.

The first few nights will be utterly horrendous. I can foresee her banging on her bedroom door, wailing, screaming to be let out. 6 years old is late to establish these boundaries, she is physically much stronger than the usual toddler that goes through this.

But if you are consistant, you should have made good progress within a week. Possibly within just a few days.

If (b), make cosleeping or room sharing less of a battle.set yourself up a perminant bed in her room. Or set her up a perminant bed in your room.

The battle is making her bedtime worse. Don't make her wonder, she need to know you eill always come into her. The battle exists right now because she's not sure. She doesn't have clear boundaries.

She needs to know and trust that you'll sleep in her room every single night. Every time. If she sleeps, if she doesn't - you'll always be there. No matter what. She needs to trust you, then the battle goes.

If she always knows you'll come into her, she'll go to sleep much easier safe in that knowledge. You will then be in a much better position to gradually withdraw her dependant on you in a kind and slow way. But to start with, she needs to trust you won't ever sneek out and leave her alone. That lack of boundaries is the problem.

NewTownVelocity Mon 17-Apr-17 09:59:55

My DD was exactly the same Gizmo. I had a little chat with her about being a big girl now, let's try and see if you can do this on your own, I know you can etc. Lots of positivity. She wasn't happy, but I gave her some choices about how we do it and the process wasn't quick. She asked for me to stay with her, but sitting on the bed (I previously lay with her). Then I began a gradual withdrawal method. First I sat close to her with my hand on her back so she felt safe. Took ages for her to sleep the first couple of nights. Eventually I moves to the end of the bed, without touching her, then I sat on the floor. I told her the next stage would be me sitting outside her bedroom but she was confident enough by then for me to just leave her after kissing goodnight. The whole thing took about two weeks but it worked.

I think giving my DD some control and "being in it together" helped. She felt secure and even determined after a few days.

Good luck OP.

Hairyhat Mon 17-Apr-17 23:39:50

Dunno how to cure this but my DC does the same. I'm watching with great interest

Ledkr Mon 17-Apr-17 23:45:38

My dd started this when she moved up to year not in sept. After nights of trying to settle her back to bed all night, I cracked and made up a camp bed in our room. She settled ok at bedtime but woke every night about 3 and just got into her camp bed without waking us.
A few weeks ago it just stopped and I've just packed it all away today.
Might be an idea. We just needed sleep.

Ledkr Mon 17-Apr-17 23:46:08

Year one

Strix Tue 18-Apr-17 00:03:27

Are there dither signs? How is she at school drop off, or anywhere else drop off?

I have a six year old who like to come into my bed? He also clings to me and protests when I drop him off during the day anywhere (clubs, school, etc). He is being assessed for ADHD. (ADHD brains are less mature so this might explain it... or he may also have a very mild bit of ASD).

I have two older children who didn't do any of this.

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