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9 month old bf baby sleep gone to shit!

(23 Posts)
primaryboodle Sat 15-Apr-17 21:43:33

Arghghgh right ok. 9 months now, eating solids. Always either fed to sleep or pram/sling to sleep by me but DP manages to get her down by bouncing in arms - this categorically does not work for me! Up until around 8.5 months dd was fed to sleep at night and had maybe 5/6 wake ups but i could cope with it as she fed back to sleep and could be put down within minutes, over the last 2 weeks shes gone nuts! Absolutely wide awake the moment she is laid down, tried waiting longer, makes no difference. The only way she sleeps and stays asleep now is to cosleep and feed which would be fine but shes still waking 6+ times i night.

primaryboodle Sat 15-Apr-17 21:44:54

Posted too soon... she wont bond with a lovey, she wont take a dummy (tried again over the last few days but she gets irate with it in her mouth, even if i do a sleepy nipple swap it just wakes her up completely and she screams). I dont even know where to begin, im exhausted - any suggestions at all?!

Aliveinwanderland Sat 15-Apr-17 21:48:12

Oh my goodness that sounds awful. I don't have any advice as DS is only 6 months but it sounds like as she has always been rocked or fed to sleep she doesn't know how to self settle. At her age she doesn't need the night feeds so have you tried just offering water?

If it were me I would probably stop cosleeping, put her in her cot and put a mattress on her floor for me to sleep on. Resettle at each wake with a cuddle but no feeds and no rocking to sleep. Put down awake but stay with her. I may be talking rubbish though so hope someone with experience has some advice.

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 08:16:52

The problem is either patting/shushing etc with her in the cot makes her furiously scream, i cracked last week and decided this would be the new routine and lasted 25 minutes of her screaming and gave in. Her room also ajoins the teenagers from next door (and ours ajoins the parents grr). I tried rocking back to sleep in my arms but same results. Last night from 9.30 to 10.30 she was fed-sleep-held-down-awake-scream-repeat until i gave in and brought her into my bed where she fed to sleep in 30 seconds and stayed asleep argh

lorisparkle Sun 16-Apr-17 08:25:16

I have written a long reply about how I taught my ds1 to sleep on the thread about 6 month old waking hourly. I have no idea how to link the threads but hopefully you should be able to find it. When I can get on the computer I will investigate!

Nan0second Sun 16-Apr-17 08:26:12

Options are either embracing co sleeping and feeding to sleep OR teaching baby to fall asleep without boob or intense rocking. Quick ways include rapid return (return to cot to reassure every 2-5mins), speeded up gradual retreat (see thread called what worked for us) or slow gradual retreat (start by cuddling in cot, then after few nights go to one hand through cot etc until on landing).
We did the middle option and night weaned at a similar age with good results.

TittyGolightly Sun 16-Apr-17 08:33:10

It's probably the massive development leap in readiness for standing and walking.

AlfaMummy Sun 16-Apr-17 08:34:35

How is she during the day when she's awake? Extra clingy? My DD is 7.5 months and her sleep has recently gone to pot, with numerous hysterical crying sessions at night. It could be separation anxiety. My DD is also teething - is yours? I'm hoping my DD soon returns to being a good sleeper!!

FATEdestiny Sun 16-Apr-17 08:52:23

You could try a sidecar cot (normal cot with 1 side removed) as a transition from cosleeping to cot sleeping.

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 09:37:21

Thanks for replies all, i really appreciate it. Ive read almost every sleep thread on here - the 6 month one was last night! I just cant see how i will ever get her to settle on her own without screaming. I really liked the rocking chair with dad then feed idea but we dont have a rocking chair... theres just so many ideas that i dont know where to start and anything settling in crib based illicits so much angry screaming sad i was quite happy to feed to sleep until she stopped being easy to put down again

lorisparkle Sun 16-Apr-17 11:16:53

We just bit the bullet with the crying when we first got him to sleep without breastfeeding . It was tough but did not last and the results were worth it.

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 11:35:31

Loris what is a normal and reasonable amount of time to cry before you know its not working? And what level of crying was it for you?

TittyGolightly Sun 16-Apr-17 11:40:43

Hasn't Tommee Tippee invented a Cry-o-meter yet?

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 12:37:14

I meant screaming hyperventilating vs whingey with breaks but thanks for that hmm

TittyGolightly Sun 16-Apr-17 13:04:19

I'm concerned that you want to talk about babies screaming until they're hyperventilating, but whatever.

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 13:37:09

My point is that anything that isnt feeding her to sleep and waiting until she is completely out of it until i put her down, only to repeat the cycle every hour or so leads to screaming hyperventilating. But thanks for your helpful input into my problem!

lorisparkle Sun 16-Apr-17 13:39:26

I think As I was holding and rocking him he was crying in a more cross and frustrated manner rather than a distressed way. I am a big softy and hated to hear him cry so if I felt he was really distressed I would not have carried on. I do think you have to be mentally ready and I was really at my wits end. I also knew I would be more fun and patient in the day time if I could get more sleep and he would be more settled.

lorisparkle Sun 16-Apr-17 13:49:48

I can not remember how long he cried for but remember it did seem to be ages but in fact was probably not that long. It is so tough I would not want to go back to those days.

60percentofthetime Sun 16-Apr-17 13:50:17

9 month sleep regression. It's a huge developmental leap for baby and their sleep just goes to pot. With my 2 I just had about 4 weeks of sleeps on me or co-sleeping, then I restarted the sleep training when they were through the regression.

It's shit but it will pass.

FATEdestiny Sun 16-Apr-17 14:02:00

I guess the point here is that everyone will have individual responses to their baby crying. A recent study showed British babies cried more than other babies around the world. I don't know tge reason researchers suggested for this, but I suspect high and unrealistic expectations of motherhood is a factor.

Personally, I would do everything I can to stop all crying/grumbling/shouting (whatever baby upset might be labelled as) as soon as it started. I certainly would have hoped to have found something to stop my child being upset by the time it gets to screaming.

I'm someone who responds quickly to any cry or upset, certainly in the first 12 months of baby's life when they are entirely dependant on you for every aspect of their physical and emotional needs.

At 9 months, baby is crying for a need. Sounds like the need is comfort in your baby and it would seem that your baby cannot access comfort in any other way that from you.

I am pretty sure that your baby would much rather be able to comfort herself, rather than screaming to such an extent. I'm sure if she could self- comfort, she would. Its nor personal, she just can't.

Letting her scream in the hope that the screaming will teach her something... that's probably not the most productive method for long term healthy sleep habits.

When she's a little older, more like 12m plus, she'll then have much improved fine motor skills. When she can use her pincer grip, pick things up turn them over and the right way around, place objects with accuracy rather than dropping them... these are all the kinds of skills she needs to be able to physically self comfort.

She might then learn to tickle her own skin, play with her hair, rub her lovely in a specific way she likes, suck her teddies ear.. or many of the other ways babies learn to self comfort.

For now, her motor skills will be rudimentary and simplistic. For now, she needs you because she has no other way to sooth herself without you.

By all means introduce things for the longer term. Dummy, comforter, patting movements you do while breastfeeding, to associate with comfort. A sidecar cot is a good idea so you are sleeping separately, but also together.

But realistically, you just need to accept your baby needs you to sleep because your baby hasn't (yet) been taught any independant settling techniques. So teach her. And in the mean-time comfort her so she can get as much sleep as possible.

primaryboodle Sun 16-Apr-17 14:42:55

Thanks loris - ill bear that in mind.

60 - youve given me hope itll pass, as i said this "upping of the stakes" as it were in terms of bedtime stress is recent so i am hopig she'll go back to how it was then i can try some new techniques rather than this being a problem thats here to stay!

Fate - your advice is always useful ive read so many of your posts. Just wish i could get somethig to work for me - maybe we didnt try hard enough with the dummy in the early days but i think weve missed the boat on that one now. Hopefully this is a regression and once its passed i can start taking your advice on board!

Mindblank Sun 16-Apr-17 23:02:27

If it helps, we are currently going through exactly the same thing. 9mo ebf DD previously fed to sleep after each wake up (she would settle herself for naps & at bedtime so I was able to kid myself that this was ok!). Stopped working earlier on this week. Had to settle her 15 times last night & looks like we're in for the same again tonight.

I hadn't realised there was another regression round about this time, so that's helpful to know.

Sorry op, I'm very far from having any answers but just wanted you to know you weren't alone! smile

TittyGolightly Sun 16-Apr-17 23:32:57

9 month one is mobility. The language one hits at about 12-13 months IIRC.

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