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11 week old only sleeps on me...

(14 Posts)
capitalcapitalcapital Sat 01-Apr-17 07:58:38

As titled really. She did go through a stage where I could put her in her cocoonababy in the next to me side sleeper and she'd sleep for about 4 hours at the beginning of the night. Now she's in my bed with me as she wakes as soon as I try to transfer her to the cocoonababy. She'll only sleep latched on (she's ebf) we've had real bf issues including a tongue tie that was separated 2 weeks ago. I'm getting some sleep but not huge amounts as I'm so aware of her in the bed, either right next to me or on me. Whenever I try to place her on her back to sleep, she wakes. I'm wondering how best to get this sorted as I can't go on getting so little sleep. She doesn't nap well either, only for about 30 / 40 mins and again, only on me not in her bed. Any advice v gratefully received. Sorry for lack of coherence - am knackered!!!

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 01-Apr-17 08:07:34

If you're going to have her in your bed, you must follow the safe co-sleeping guidelines. Don't fall asleep with her on you.

The easiest way to get more sleep is to BF lying down and then co-sleep (safely!) because you don't need to move her so she should stay asleep. Also, when she wakes in the night, you just latch her on and doze until she falls asleep again.

If you want her to sleep in her own bed, then ideally you need to let her fall asleep there so you don't move her when she's asleep. I've never succeeded with that but other posters should be able to help you!

I've got 12 week old DS and I BF lying down and co-sleep. I learnt with DD that it wasn't worth the stress and exhaustion of trying to get her into a cot and actually, this way suits us far better. For naps, DS either naps on me or in the pram/car/sling and then we have one nap after lunch when DD is napping where I BF to sleep in our bed. This means I can either have a lie down too (bliss!) or I can potter round doing jobs upstairs.

capitalcapitalcapital Sat 01-Apr-17 08:31:46

Thank you for your reply. I thought I was following safe sleeping guidelines - when I say on me I mean latched on. We feed side by side as we often start in the laid back position and then I shift her to the side. She feeds / suckles while I doze. I struggle to get her to go on her back though which I know is the safest way to sleep. I don't cover her with the duvet and only use a single one on my kingsize bed to reduce the risk and there are no pillows round or near her. I'm so worried about bed sharing (even more so now!) as I'm so tired which I know is a risk factor. Not sure how to resolve it as I get no sleep in the day as I stay awake while she sleeps on me. Feeling pretty desperate tbh and now really worried I'm bed sharing incorrectly sad

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 01-Apr-17 08:41:35

Don't worry about her sleeping on her side if she's feeding. She isn't really only sleeping on you if you are bed sharing. I've had one with tongue tie who would literally only sleep on me if I was sat up and it was murder!

Have a read of the UNICEF Guidelines on Bed Sharing but it sounds like you are doing everything right already.

As for the naps, will she sleep in a sling, pram or car? I'd take her to bed at least once a day and have a big nap with her like tea suggests.

Please try to relax about it too. As long as you follow the Guidelines, Bed Sharing is the safest way for baby to sleep and this was from a Professor in infant sleep studies smile

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 01-Apr-17 08:42:00

Sorry, I thought you meant you were asleep with her sleeping on your front! It sounds like you've got it! smile If she feeds on her side, could you put a cushion behind her to prop her up and then gradually move it away from her so she's on her back?

I'd definitely recommend as many naps in bed as you can manage if you're tired! Don't feel under any pressure to get out and about (I did with my first!). When she needs a feed/sleep, lie in bed and try to close your eyes.

Sorry if I made you worry! confused

capitalcapitalcapital Sat 01-Apr-17 09:01:42

Thank you so much for the support! It's made me feel a bit weepy tbh! Thank you for the suggestions too, I'll try the towel suggestion and try to make use of the sling.

FATEdestiny Sat 01-Apr-17 09:15:05

She'll only sleep latched on

Have you tried replacing nipple with a dummy?

Ideally keep everything else the same initially. So feed to slerp sleep next to you, then once asleep unlatch and whip dummy in really quickly. A hand on baby's chest can help calm if this stirs baby. Likewise either holding dummy in for baby or holding under baby chin to keep mouth closes around dummy.

It won't be an immediate magic wand, but work towards them being able to feed to sleep, swap for dummy and then you roll away, leavibg baby in your bed but not snuggled up to you.

Once baby is used to sleeping independantly like that, she may tolerate being in the cot more often. The problem at the moment is that going from cuddles very close to you, with your heartbeat and warmth, being able to comfort suck - to being alone, in silence, nothing in mouth and "exposed" (for want of a better word - I mean not cuddled up tight). I can easily see that being a jump too far. Making the change more gradually is more likely to be tolerated.

As well as the dummy, other tools for independant sleeping are:

- white noise. It drowns out background noise and replicates womb noise

- swaddle. You're on the late side for introducing This, swaddles should be started being used before 3 months. But a swaddle dulls down the startle reflex and generally reduces stimulation. This means a swaddled baby is easier to transfer. The swaddle also recreates the tight feeling of being held.

You'll notice that the tools on independant sleeping mainly replicate and replace attachment parenting ideals of cosleeping.

- Nipple in mouth when cosleeping, dummy when independant sleeping.
- White noise or your heartbeat and breathing.
- Swaddle or being cuddled

So an answer to all of this may be to just accept cosleeping and not attempt to fight it. But if you decide independant sleeping in the cot is better for your family, there are easy ways you can ease baby into this without distress.

Bubbinsmakesthree Sat 01-Apr-17 09:17:58

Like Jilted I had one who literally slept on me and nowhere else for many weeks! When I finally got him to sleep on his side next to me as you're doing it was a major triumph!

It sounds like you're co-sleeping safely so I would focus on ways you can get more rest yourself. Do you have a partner who can take her for a bit in the evening whilst you get an hour or two of baby-free sleep?

capitalcapitalcapital Sat 01-Apr-17 09:22:52

My husband does take sometimes in the evening but he gets really tired and becomes fairly unable to care for her safely (falling asleep himself in a chair) and this makes me reluctant to trust that she's safe with him. I've thought about a dummy but am still not fully confident about bf (due to issues with supply and baby falling asleep at the breast) and don't want to do anything to cause any further bf issues. Thanks again for the support and suggestions smile

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 01-Apr-17 09:28:57

I was absolutely knackered with DD and DH used to have her for an hour or two in the evening. Now with DS, I just have him on me in the evenings until we go to bed (admittedly at about 9! grin) and then we co-sleep. I honestly feel so much better, even though I've now got 2 under 2. Making myself have a nap, or at least a lie down, at lunchtime has made a huge difference. And then not battling with what I think I should be doing and trying to follow all the conflicting advice!

If you feel cosleeping works for you, I'd just embrace it, nighttime and naps. I find my bednest is great for holding water bottles and nappy changing supplies! grin

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 01-Apr-17 09:30:29

Also, if you're changing her overnight, I'd get your DH to do it whilst you feed her. Then nobody had to get out of bed (other than DH!) and I find we're all much more settled to go back to sleep quicker.

DermotOLogical Sat 01-Apr-17 10:26:49

I've got a 10 week old who sounds similar. Will only sleep at night if right next to me. He will do the odd hour in the chicco next to me. I'm desperately trying dummies but he won't have one. Tried 6 types and he spits them all out!

I've not tried swaddling, hospital said not to do it at home.

FATEdestiny Sat 01-Apr-17 10:59:24

DermotOLogical

There is advise on safe swaddling, just as there is on safe cosleeping.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/swaddling-slings/

The Lullaby Trust are the nhs and UK government research company for SIDS research and informing SIDS risk recommendations. From the above link:

If you decide to adopt swaddling, this should be done for each day and night time sleep as part of a regular routine:

- use thin materials
- do not swaddle above the shoulders
- never put a swaddled baby to sleep on their front
- do not swaddle too tight
- check the baby’s temperature to ensure they do not get too hot

DermotOLogical Sat 01-Apr-17 11:07:16

Thanks Fate

It's such a minefield knowing what's OK and what isn't.

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