NO SLEEP not coping!!(121 Posts)
Please please please offer me some advice!!
I have a 3 month old baby, EBF. The first month was pretty normal sleeplessness, waking every 2 hours as expected, sleeping in the moses basket at night and naps in pram or moses basket during the day.
By 6 weeks, we couldn't put baby down for naps - would only sleep on us. But, nights were okay and baby would sleep in moses basket so we were coping. By 8 weeks, baby would sleep 3 hours at a time for 2 or 3 sessions overnight so we were getting some sleep.
Unfortunately it's been downhill since 8.5 weeks. The majority of nights baby wakes every 45-90 minutes - not hungry, just won't settle, falls asleep the moment we pick up! Every 6-7 days we get a 3-4 hour sleep in the moses basket. The refusal to sleep unless held continues all day so we wind up holding baby for all naps but at night we just can't do it. The pram doesn't work, bouncy chair doesn't and not even the car seat - only being held. Baby sleeps for HOURS if held!!
This has been going on for well over a month now and we just aren't coping. I'm existing on under 3 hours of very broken sleep a night and am seriously losing the plot. My poor husband is trying to go to work and support me but we just can't function between holding the baby all the time and no sleep. I'm delerious with exhaustion most days, tearful every day and have shut down all outings, cancelled all time with friends, all baby groups etc because I just can't think. I've stopped driving even short distances because I don't feel safe to drive as I'm so tired. I don't even go to the shop for a pint of milk any more.
We have tried ALL the usual things - white noise, bedtime routine, swaddling, bigger cot, later bedtime, early bedtime, driving to sleep, feeding to sleep, putting baby down awake or drowsy, shush-pat, pick up put down, even allowing crying for short periods which just kills me. It's not reflux etc as baby sleeps flat on us. Seen the HV multiple times and GP. Baby is gaining weight and healthy. I'm not going to cosleep as that is an absolute no no for us.
Please help - things aren't getting better - just worse. I hear my friends babies sleeping 4-8 hours at a time and we celebrate if we get 3 hours once a week
It won't solve the problem but do you have anyone that would come round and hold baby for you while you sleep? when my wee one was newborn my mum & sister would take it in turns to come round in the morning & let me sleep in between feeds. It might just help you get your sanity back?
Unfortunately I don't really have any other suggestions, my baby is 13 weeks and we are definitely winging it. It's so hard though, good luck
Sorry but I would give in and cosleep. Get your husband to sleep elsewhere for a week or two so you have space.
Oh I see you're not going to cosleep.
Well then it's a long, hard road OP. Both my babies were similar to yours and with the first I was very much not into the idea of cosleeping. The safety aspect worried me...but I realised it was far more unsafe for me to function on no sleep.
What is it about cosleeping you're not into?
Mine was exactly the same as yours. I was also adamant that I wouldn't co sleep. In the end I had to because the sleep deprivation was killing me.
He was sleeping in a cot in his own room by 6 months....
We have asked family to hold the baby for a few hours which has been the only respite but they are busy and can't do it often.
Co-sleeping isn't an option for us.
Couldn't you look at getting a co sleeping cot like the chicco next to me so it's safer co sleeping got us through the first 5 months
Well your choice is co-sleep or no sleep. I know which one I'd pick...
Yes why won't you cosleep OP? It's sometimes the only way you;ll get any rest. A baby this small naturally wants to be next to you all the time. Some, you can put down in a cot and they don't mind so much. Others...they just won't have it.
Are you definitely burping properly? With DD it used to take a good 20-30 mins to get a burp out of her st that she. Then she'd sleep for hours. Being held often actually means being kept upright-ish.
If you are burping, I agree with the others. It's co-sleep or no sleep. There's no magic wand.
Not a solution but for now until you solve it, you and DH need to tag team the baby.
If he walks in the door at six pm, you eat together then you go directly to bed while he holds her. Switch over at 1am or whenever works so you both get some decent sleep. The more sleep you get the clearer you'll think and the easiest it'll be to solve this problem.
Oh also a lot of authors of baby books offer consultancy services if you have the cash, Jo Tantum and Alison Scott-Wright are two off the top of my head.
Can I ask why co-sleeping is a definite no? I understand the risk factor but I ask because 2 months ago I was you.. DS is our second child and our first DD was a dream (slept 7-5 in her own room from 10 weeks) so when DS was born 5 months ago it was a complete shock to us that he wouldn't sleep anywhere but in our arms!! We tried everything and about 6 weeks ago I just gave in and put him down in our bed and lay next to him... he slept for 5 hours!! Now 6 weeks on he sleeps from 8pm til 5am every night, daytime he will only have long naps in my arms, he won't sleep in his car seat and if you take him out in the pram he does fall asleep but wakes as soon as you stop pushing the pram. I understand sleep deprivation I really really do, I did nothing but cry for about 2 weeks when DS was born and wouldn't sleep, co-sleeping was not my ideal option but it works for us, I feel human again and can enjoy my DS when he is awake because I don't feel so exhausted and upset!!
It sucks. It really does.
We basically have a sidecar cot so 'cosleep' without baby in bed beside us.
It's just a cheapo Ikea one with the side left off.
When baby wakes I roll over and feed him and roll away again when he's done.
Could it be an option?
Our room is tiny and I didn't think we'd squeeze in a cot but we've managed and it's the best thing we've done.
Have you tried a sleepyhead? Warm it up with a hot water bottle and put a top you wore in the day nearby so your baby can smell you.
This is normal (and hard to change), if you want more sleep you need to budge your view & cosleep I think. The baby is breast fed and if you do it safely will be fine. I resisted co sleeping too fora long long time, mainly out of my own selfishness. It meant making changes to my bedroom set up and / or sleeping aoartt from my husband but when I finally gave in and set up a cosleeping arrangement with a side car cot i felt like I got myself back. I was in a total sleep deprived daze for the first 3 months with DS, when DD arrived I managed much better (good job too since because of DS I could no longer nap in the daytime) & I put this entirely down to cosleeping from the start!
Could you try a cosleeper cot and a sleepyhead? We had the Snuzpod and the sleepyhead really helped! Ds is now 9 months and in the grand, if he has a bad night now DH moves to the spare room and I sleep with ds with him in the sleepyhead!
I hope you manage to get some sleep soon, sleep deprivation is hideous.
Agree with sleepyhead in cosleeper suggestion. I too refused to cosleep (finally caved during a bad sleep regression at 9 months and now he'll come in with us if he wakes really early or is poorly) and I get that for some it's not an option. A cosleeper cot is a great middle ground though. Is it something you'd consider?
My DD was like this. I read the UNICEF guidelines on co sleeping, and that's what I did. That was 10 years ago, so no idea whether they still exist.
I actually don't know what else I could have possibly done, other than hire a night nanny to hold her all night a couple of times a week, so that I didn't go completely mad with sleep deprivation.
I was going to suggest a Sleepyhead or Cocoonababy, but I still want to know why the OP doesn't want to cosleep because I think that could fix it. We have a bedside crib and it's brilliant. I don't see what the issue could be. Unless the OP and/or her partner smokes? As you're not supposed to cosleep if you do.
Another recommendation for a sleepyhead. We used ours in our bed at the start, and then moved it to the co-sleeper crib, and eventually, the cot bed. Great invention. I would also recommend getting a good sling so she can sleep on you in the day and you get your hands free
Afraid I was coming onto say bedside cot like the Troll. I used it as it was the narrowest on the market so would fit next to the bed in a small room.
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