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9mo breastfeeding to sleep, rubbish naps and co-sleeping

(10 Posts)
TiredCluelessMummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:03:59

This is really long so apologies. I just want to get as much information in as possible.

We put 9mo DD to bed at 8pm each night and she wakes up usually between 7:30 and 8:30 in the morning. I breastfeed her to sleep which takes around 10-20 minutes depending on how tired she is. I probably carry on cuddling her for another 20 minutes or so to make sure she's completely asleep (and because I like the snuggles!). We're co-sleeping, but she has a cot in our room. At the moment, I tend to put her down in her cot once she's asleep and read/take care of some emails or whatever in bed. She will usually stay asleep in there for a couple of hours before waking up, at which point I bring her into bed with me. This is pure laziness on my part, because when she wakes in the night after I go to bed I can feed her back to sleep without having to really wake up myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with long term co-sleeping actually, and neither myself nor DH are particularly adverse to it so I suppose we could just keep going like this. However I do worry that we will end up co-sleeping until she's about 30 and I don't know how we would manage if/when we have another baby if she's still sleeping with us.

We have only been co-sleeping for a couple of months. Prior to this, she was in a Next To Me side sleeper. She would wake every 2-3 hours on average (some nights waking hourly, sometimes​ going for a 5 hour stretch) and I would feed her back to sleep before putting her down each time. Some nights (maybe half the time) she would wake as soon as I put her down so I'd have to feed her to sleep again and again until she was finally deeply enough asleep to go down without waking. This is why we've gone with the co-sleeping because it just enables us all to have a much better night's sleep.

In terms of naps, she takes 3 naps per day. She can manage about 2 or 3 hours awake before she needs another nap. The vast majority of her naps are only 25-35 minutes long. Occasionally, she will sleep for an hour or even 2 hours but that doesn't happen often at all. I breastfeed her to sleep for naps if we are at home and she sleeps in my arms. She never seems to get into a deep enough sleep during a nap that I could put her down without her waking up. She will also nap in the pram or her car seat if we're​ out.

I like co-sleeping with DD and I love having her nearby (I actually think I have a bit of anxiety when it comes to being apart from her, even going downstairs while she's in bed is upsetting to me. I need to work on this). But I also think we need to reclaim some adult space and this means being able to put her down in her cot, in her own room. I also worry that if I don't teach her to self settle and sleep independently then she will struggle more with it in the future. I mean, she's got to learn to do it at some stage right? I don't want to end up with a school aged child who is unable to sleep alone. But l also see lots of evidence that co-sleeping is developmentally appropriate for babies and I really love it so I don't mind sharing with her if it's the best thing. Plus I just have no idea where to begin with getting her in her own room so there's an element of just being overwhelmed.

Has anybody else been in this situation? What did you do? I'd also be really interested to hear if anybody co-slept, what age did you stop and how did that work out?

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading!

jaggythistle Tue 28-Mar-17 22:14:49

I do the same as you. Feed DD to sleep and put in her cot. then bring her in with me if she doesn't settle quickly at night/or I'm too tired.

I tried with DC1 and 2 to always put them back and missed loads of sleep. DC2 I eventually started to co sleep a bit more, so this time I thought stuff it I'm not staying awake if I don't have to.

Dh is not chuffed tbh but he's not getting up with her much and I'm working ft so need sleep.

2 previous DC were fed to sleep until they didn't need it and both settled fine eventually and sleep well (unless poorly etc) now.

DD will be 2 in a few months, she still spends part of most nights in with me but does sleep all night now and then. DH already has her self settling for naps in her cot so she's fine without me.

My mum is always on about how it'll be great when she's in her own room. I'm just enjoying the cuddles of my last baby and more sleep. grin

TiredCluelessMummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:28:26

Thanks jaggy. So did the older ones just grow out of it then? That's encouraging. I was worried about having huge battles over it in the future. I know what you mean about making the most of the cuddles. I almost feel bad for even asking this because I know one day I'll give anything to cuddle her all night and she'll just want me to get lost 😂

JellyWitch Tue 28-Mar-17 22:32:01

My 7 year old still likes to get in with us but he does sleep in his own bed in his own room to start with (and will return there if we insist in the night).

The 2 year old has only ever coslept. I have offered her her own bedroom and bed which she likes the idea of if I share it with her! So we continue to bedshare for the time being. Beats me being woken and having o get up in the night.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Tue 28-Mar-17 22:38:15

When my now 16 month old was 9 months we did the same as you. Over time we have eased her into sleeping in her own bed without being fed to sleep. We are now gently night weaning.
We read some Jay Gordon articles and some by Milk Meg and just did what felt right.

TiredCluelessMummy Tue 28-Mar-17 23:45:42

Thanks so much for the replies. John I've just read some Jay Gordon and Milk Meg online - great recommendation, thank you. Much more in tune with what we're doing than the usual advice you read. Maybe I just need to stop fretting so much then.

teaandbiscuitsforme Wed 29-Mar-17 19:28:17

I co-slept with DD until 16 months when she went into a single bed in her own room, co-sleeping with me at first but gradually night weaning and DH taking over any wake ups. I feel she was developmentally ready at that age and I'm so glad we didn't force her too early.

And yy to Dr Jay Gordon, Milk Meg etc. Made me feel so much better about the way we were doing things.

And we're now cosleeping with 11 week DS! grin

Carta60 Wed 29-Mar-17 21:01:22

I could have written this! X

StarSpotter Wed 29-Mar-17 21:33:25

I too could have written this. My daughter is 18 months and still bed shares. She also wakes in the evening usually before I'm ready to go to bed. I'm still b/f her. I veer between thinking I should sort it out, and actually enjoying it as I know it won't last forever. The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith is brilliant. It's about £3.99 on Amazon at the moment. Made me feel better for not wanting to leave her to cry. She basically doesn't self-settle. God help me!

AprilShowers16 Wed 29-Mar-17 22:40:53

I could have written most of this, have a 8 month old who is very similar and I veer between panicking he will never grow out of it and loving bedtime cuddles. I've really struggled to get him to sleep in the evening though which is the one thing I would really like to change. Going to have a look at th recommended reading from other posters!

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