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Gradual retreat and cosleeping

(8 Posts)
Apachepony Sat 25-Mar-17 12:10:57

Hi, I have just started sleep training my 8 month old to sleep in a cot in his own room. Up to now he has been feeding to sleep and cosleeping. He generally wakes every 45 minutes until I go to bed, which is a complete pain. He then nurses a few times during the night.I used to feed to sleep but we're on day 4 of the sleep training and he's now going to sleep without being fed, by me holding him instead. However I still take him back into bed with me when I go to bed, and not sure I'm totally ready not to have him in bed at all especially as I'm just about to go back to work. It might be a bit traumatic to attempt to night wean him at the same time, and trying to get him to stay in his cot will probably be more tiring. I have a demanding job so need as much sleep as I can get. However is sleep training just so he will sleep in his own cot for naps and at the start of the night pointless if I also cosleep for part of the night? So far gradual retreat as involved a fair amount of crying - and I've only got as far as placing him in the cot with my hand on him today! And I'm afraid he's currently sleeping on me because he woke after 20 minutes and I thought he needed an least one good nap today....

FATEdestiny Sat 25-Mar-17 13:13:43

Who is going to be looking after him when you go back to work? Lots of people worry about needing to sleep train before going back to work. In fact any daytime sleep training is far better done after you are back at work, by his daytime carer.

Even if you ask whoever is looking after him to do the same as you, they will still have a slightly different way of doing it to you. This brings in inconsistency.

If you are putting your child at the centre of decisions here, he would be better served with complete consistancy. So whoever looks after him doing it their way, in agreement with you though.

That also makes a distinct difference between daytime naps and night sleep. It means you can work on naps without needing to stress to much about nights.

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 25-Mar-17 13:14:31

I don't know about gradual retreat but I'd really think about why you want him in the cot, how you both get the most sleep and whether it's worth the work it will take. Does he still wake up after 45 mins if you feed to sleep in your bed and then leave him to it? If not, I'd do that.

He's a bit young for night weaning, recommendation for BF babies is after 12 months but that's still quite young IMO.

I co-slept with DD until we started transitioning her into a single bed in her own room at 16 months and then we did some night weaning. It was the right thing for her. I'm now cosleeping with DS and thinking we'll probably go straight to a single bed when he's ready to, unless he suddenly looks like he's going to love the never been used cot!

jaggythistle Sat 25-Mar-17 13:20:15

I put DD in her cot when she feeds to sleep at bedtime. Then she comes in with me when she wakes. I work ft and need as much sleep as possible!

If she falls asleep before me during the night I'll put her back in the cot but otherwise I'll take the sleep.

My older two slept fine eventually so I'm not worried.

Apachepony Sat 25-Mar-17 14:07:28

My dh will initially be with him, then a nanny and my dh. You're right about inconsistency- my dh won't really get on board with what I'm doing! I thought it would be easier on him to be able to fall asleep without breastfeeding so that he could fall asleep without me without too much trauma.
Oh dear, bit worried that the last few days work (and crying and tiredness!) has been for naught!
Yes, he does mostly wake every 45 mins if I feed him to sleep in the bed. Also he's a bit slow in being mobile but he is getting there and I worry about just leaving him unattended in the bed. Also meant I couldn't easily have a glass of wine or two as he needed continued feeding - that has now improved over the last few days so if I continue this gradual retreat I'm hoping it will give us easier evenings?

jaggythistle Sun 26-Mar-17 20:05:15

You can have a glass of wine anyway...while youre feeding if you want.

Your blood alcohol concentration is the same as what is in your milk i.e. really tiny.

So you'd have to be so drunk you'd probably not even be able to stand up let alone pick up the baby, in order to make your milk significantly alcoholic. smile

I have a link somewhere that explains it better I'm sure.

I work unsociable hours and when I went back to work my dh just cuddled the babies to sleep then put them in the cot. He eventually worked on getting them to lie down and go to sleep as older toddlers. They had expressed milk from a bottle with him when I first went back.

They adapted fine to my random shifts and me not always being there to feed to sleep.

The routine when babies was just, pjs, teeth brushed and into their sleeping bag. Maybe read a book if not too tired. So dh did the same.

Thirtyrock39 Sun 26-Mar-17 20:12:42

I think it's good to do this now. If you can get your baby to self settle now there won't be any confusion with who's looking after them when you're at work because you'll just tell them the times to put the baby down for a nap etc... actually what you're more likely to find is if you're having to feed your baby to sleep or co sleep for naps the person looking After them won't be able to do this and your baby will be hard for them to settle. The waking ever 45 minutes is one of the hardest bits I found it life changing when I could put them in their cot at 7 knowing that was it for the evening - even if they were still waking at night - I had a rule of no feeds before 11pm once they'd self settled and it helped a lot with the night feeds. I wAs still cosleeping and might feeding for a few months after tackling bed time and nap time.

Apachepony Sun 26-Mar-17 23:54:45

God I really thought I was going backwards today, and baby fell asleep on the breast - however he stayed in his cot until now, which is good. Have now taken him into bed with me and am nursing and mumsnetting. Good to hear you could tackle self-settling for naps and evenings, and still cosleep and night feed for a little while after that, thirtyrock - that's going to be my plan. I also read that sleep training can be more difficult when they can stand etc so perhaps best to get him used to a cot now.

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