Leaving breastfed 13 month old overnight(19 Posts)
DD Is 13.5 months and has a breastfeed morning and bedtime and once in the night, sometimes more. She has slept through a handful of times. During the day she has milk/formula in a sippy cup. She will go to bed with a bottle and will take a bottle in the night but doesn't always settle afterwards.
We have a few family events over the summer and a couple are child free. No one else in the family to my knowledge has breastfed beyond a few months, so I don't think they particularly get why I still am and they also all think I'm quite precious about sleep (I am!) I am feeling quite a bit of pressure to leave DD overnight so DH and I can attend these events, they're not local so coming home late isn't an option.
In my head I don't feel like its right to leave her until she can be comforted in the night without boob. Sometimes DH can comfort her but the majority of the time she still wakes again and wants feeding. So I have awful images of her being distressed with no comfort and whomever is looking after her probably being distressed because they can't comfort her!!! Am I right or have other people left their children overnight in similar circumstances and they've been ok???
Ps night weaning is not an option at the moment as DH can't hack her crying and is awful on no sleep so would crack if we tried him comforting her all night. And she is very stubborn so I imagine it might take a while!!!
Personally, I would go with your gut instinct and what you feel is right. If you're uncomfortable leaving her then don't.
I understand the pressure to leave her overnight though and people not understanding.
I was pressured into leaving my first before I/she was ready and I still feel guilty/that I shouldn't have left her so soon many years later. With my next two, I didn't leave them at all until I was completely happy to. I felt the same as you, until they were completely happy in the night without boob, I didn't want to leave them. Every breastfeeding relationship is different so go with what feels right for you both. This stage doesn't last forever.
I wasn't breastfeeding at that age but I still wouldn't have left my children overnight for another good year.
I don't correlate the desire to be tger e for baby with breastfeeding. It's just part of the role of primary carer. For me, my children were mostly sleeping through by 1y, but it's not about that. It's about: what if baby needs me and I'm not here?
If your pressure from family members is because they are childless, you can't really blame them. It's just they are ignorant of understanding what it's really like. Those who have had children though, either they've just forgotten or, frankly, they are the sort who's opinion doesn't matter.
As a breastfeeding mum you have no option but to be the sole primary carer. Yes, dad will make a very good second best, but for now you will be best. That's what a primary carer is. It's a vital role and instinctive. So follow your instincts.
I agree with Fate. I would not want to leave them, especially against my instincts. I want to be there in case my LO needs me.
Incidentally, I'm at exactly the stage you have described. My LO is 13 months, breastfed first thing and at bedtime and is still waking once at night.
I didn't leave DD1 overnight till she was 2 and fully weaned long before that.
Absolutely don't leave your DC till you are ready, regardless of whether she is still BF or not. This has to be your decision, no one elses. I
Currently same situation. 13 months and breastfeeding at night. He would be distraught if I wasn't there.
Go with your gut definitely. People might not understand, but don't feel pressured x
Thanks for the responses, I'll stick to my guns!!!
I wouldn't be giving any form of milk between 7-7 at that age, it's completely unnecessary. DH should be able to settle too.
Your choice if you don't want to leave overnight but milk feeding wouldn't be my reason not to
My DD is 13 months old and I'll be leaving her overnight for 2 nights when she is 15 months old. She's been exclusively breastfed since birth. I stopped nightfeeds around 11-12 months and have for the last couple of weeks been working at dropping the breakfast feed without any fuss. I'm going to start dropping the evening feed before bed in the next few weeks once I'm comfortable she's ok without the breakfast feed. She will be fine. She's with my mum, and she will take milk from a cup.
Dont go if you and your baby wont be comfortable with it, if you do want to go to any of them though could you have a trial run where DH does the whole night with bottles and you sleep in another room just so you are there if she wont sleep without the breast?
Totally agree with what OohNoDooEy said
Me too but do what's right for you op.
We've tried nights with bottles but I'm very aware she's not hungry, it's about comfort/not being able to get back to sleep by herself. DH cracks after a certain amount of time otherwise I would probably consider night weaning her around now.
Ironically I think she'd be fine with distraction from her morning and night time feed, it's just the night feeds she screams for!
I bf at nights until my DD was 2 and a half but I did leave her sometimes at nights with her DG and there wasn't a problem. I think because I wasn't there, she couldn't smell my 'milkiness', she was close to DG and was at DG's house not our home made the difference. If she woke thirsty she was offered a drink in a sippy cup. DG wasn't a harsh Granny by any means.
You know those times when LO's cry when we leave them at nursery but once we have gone they are all sweetness and light. Well that!
You must do what you feel is best for your LO and not be made to feel odd by others when it comes to BF but I just wanted to give an alternative angle on things too.
I wouldn't go. My DD is 23 months and I've only left her for one night - the night DS was born. If you don't want to leave her, don't.
About night weaning, I personally think 13 months is still quite young for BF babies to not BF at all overnight (unless they choose to themselves obviously!). We did it at 17 months with DD and it worked really well. I think it was because her understanding was so much better by then so if you do want to night wean, I'd give it a few more months and try then.
Ultimately do what you feel comfortable with but.... It sounds like our Dds and our DPs are very similar! My Dd still has boob at night but she has been having the odd night with grandparents since she was 11 months
for my own sanity and it works well. I was nervous at first but now it's such a treat when I get a night off and she seems to enjoy the novelty of it. GPs have found different ways to comfort her and sometimes she doesn't even bother to wake up during the night at their house clearly very capable of adapting! The freedom has been worth it for me as I was getting resentful about Bf'ing. Even my boobs can cope for a night now!
Part of it is about who you would be leaving her with, are you completely happy with them? Could you start by trying just a day away from her, including a nap time? If its more that you don't want to do it, then wait.
I had to go on a business trip overnight when DS was 16 months. Was still feeding every night same as you (and still am!) He was absolutely fine with DH, they found their own way and I now have much more freedom in the evenings. But I'm not sure I'd leave him with anyone else TBH. But he is my PFB
Sorry for the slow reply thanks for all the input! I think I will definitely leave it until I feel comfortable. Since I started this thread she actually spent almost a week sleeping through the night with no feeds and I still didn't feel comfortable leaving her so I guess that tells me!!
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