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23 month old DS won't settle for his dad

(4 Posts)
Crazylou Thu 23-Mar-17 11:58:49

my partner is a great dad to our little one, he adores him and they have loads fun, but at night time when he wakes up out a sleep still tired / crying / having a temper, he wont let my partner settle him he constantly shouts for me, its hurting us both because he is trying so hard to help. He just takes his tempers out on his dad for no reason, I try not to go in but he just screams even louder, hits himself, etc until I go in then he eventually calms down and will go back to sleep

FATEdestiny Thu 23-Mar-17 16:33:03

It's not unusual for children to identify with a primary (singular) carer. Of course you should both be involved in parenting, but just to reassure you that this is normal. Think about the breadtfeeding bond, it naturally means baby learns to most strongly identify with one parent (mother usually). I think this is biologically recognised as vital, in that negative behaviours are seem if is missing.

Anyway, I digress into the science. Didnt worry about this. Toddler will grow out about it and may well flip-flip her presences between you and her Dad.

If it is specifically you she needs right now, is there any reason you can't do the settling? Dad's time/turn will come. For now, you could reasonably expect all lie-ins if you do all night wakes.

Crazylou Fri 24-Mar-17 10:08:20

I don't mind doing the settling as he's in nursery every day 8-4pm due to me working and his dad works shifts patterns one week getting home at midnight, following week starting at 4.30am, so he doesn't get a chance to bond with him properly at night and he's really wanting to help out when he can due to the fact am so ill with my own health issues, he can settle himself most of the time but the nights he wakes up crying tempers won't let me comfort him at first I just sit close by to he stops which can take half hour so my partner comes in to try help then he just starts screaming for no reason even though am there then starts hitting at me, we both don't know why he's like that

llangennith Fri 24-Mar-17 10:43:03

It's normal. Most kids want their mums when they wake in the night. Really annoying if you're the mum!
Accept it for now, it won't be forever. It's easier and quicker for you to settle your DS at the moment so everyone can get back to sleep rather than try to force an unwelcome change.

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