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10 week old wont settle on own

(24 Posts)
user1485365454 Sat 18-Mar-17 17:22:33

Hi, I'm a first time mum to a 10 week old boy who is having big sleep problems. He was fine sleeping in his Moses basket until about 3 weeks ago when he became really unsettled at night and will only now sleep with us in our arms, day or night. I don't know now if its a bad habit I've encouraged and need to try and break or its a developmental phase. He's so fidgety is his bed that he wakes himself up even though I pat and shush and give him his dummy, he wont go back off. Am I expecting too much for him to be able to self settle? Should I leave him to just fidget? Have looked at pick up put down and have considered it but unsure if he's too young. Just want to do the best for him and always worry I'm not. Any advice would be amazing!! X

BumWad Sat 18-Mar-17 17:23:25

10 weeks!

Give it time!

Mermaid36 Sat 18-Mar-17 17:27:49

Way too young to self settle! He doesn't have the developmental skills yet, and won't for some time.
He needs lots of cuddles and time with you. You can't spoil a baby with closeness and cuddles.

NerrSnerr Sat 18-Mar-17 17:31:24

10 weeks is too young to be self settling, if he needs a cuddle to settle let him. I fed my daughter to sleep until she was past 6 months and she sleeps absolutely fine now.

eliolo Sat 18-Mar-17 17:47:33

Absolutely way too young to be able to self settle. Little babies cry because they need something, and that need may simply be closeness to you. They're suddenly in a big cold noisy world and haven't a clue what's going on except when they're close to you as it's the only thing they recognise!

user1485365454 Sat 18-Mar-17 17:54:44

Thanks everyone, my gut tells me to keep him close as its obviously what he needs but judgmental comments from family about co-sleeping and him not being able to just fall asleep make me question myself constantly!

FATEdestiny Sat 18-Mar-17 18:22:08

Am I expecting too much for him to be able to self settle?

Do you want baby to go to sleep independantly of you? (ie being put down to sleep, not held?)

Because there are lots of ways to work towards achieving this if you want to, especially with the use of a dummy.

I mean gentle, no crying methods, not letting baby get distressed. Baby is too young to be left crying, you there or not. But not to young to learn independant sleeping through gentle methods.

Lots of people actively like and encourage parental settling (holding for naps, cosleeping, feeding to sleep etc) and that is absolutely fine at 10 weeks.

It is also perfectly fine at 10 week to acknowledge that isn't your preference and so start working towards independant sleep.

user1485365454 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:31:40

Ultimately id like him to fall asleep independent f me but at the moment I'm happy for him to fall asleep with me but would like to be able to lay him in his bed once he's gone. He sleeps for a bit then wakes and his fidgety ways eventually turn into crying so that's when I pick him up x

oldbirdy Sat 18-Mar-17 18:38:22

For almost all of human evolution, a 10 week old baby left alone would have been dead from animal attack or exposure within a very short time. This is why they need to be with someone; it is not natural for a baby that young to feel safe and secure away from caregiver's, even if you are sat a few feet away. Bedside cots are useful as baby can feel your body warmth beside. Give him time.

user1485365454 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:41:39

We have recently bought a next to me crib so hoping that makes him feel more secure at night.

FATEdestiny Sat 18-Mar-17 18:44:49

would like to be able to lay him in his bed once he's gone. He sleeps for a bit then wakes and his fidgety ways eventually turn into crying

That's not unusual. In fact I'd say it's almost universal that most babies don't like being moved once asleep.

The key is getting baby to go to sleep in the place you want to stay asleep. Getting baby to go to sleep on a statistatic surface is hard work once outside of the newborn passive-sleep phase.

So the first step for independant sleeping at this age wants to be movable place to sleep. Because them then you can use rhythmic movement, alibf with dummy sucking, to lull baby to sleep.

I favour the bouncy chair for this. But pushchair works too. It means when baby is tired you put baby down, get yourself comfy and keep on bouncing and reinsertibg dummy relentlessly until asleep.

Then once asleep, gentle rhythmic bouncers can be used to lengthen naps and resettle if waking.

Depending on the nature of the baby and your preference, you might want to do this with the room darkened and tv turned down. Maybe add in some white noise. I favoured teaching baby to sleep through anything. So I kept plenty of noise, background activity and daylight happening around baby as they slept.

Blackbird82 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:45:55

Urgh ignore all of the unhelpful comments from family/friends.

He's 10 weeks, he needs to be close to you. I ended up co sleeping up until about 4 months as mine refused point blank to sleep anywhere else.

He slept in his own room in his cot at 6 months and right through at 8 months. You'll be fine, just give it time.

snowdonstreet Sat 18-Mar-17 20:39:11

He's 10 weeks FFS!!! Mine wanted to co-sleep. Wasn't my preference but was only way to both get sleep. He easily transferred to snuzpod next to bed at 4 months. Have to put baby first now not yourself! Harsh but true. He needs you close now bless him bear

GuinessPunch Sat 18-Mar-17 20:44:08

Hi op, I am in similar situation.
My baby won't go in his pram or bouncer or swing. He will only go in the sling to sleep and if I do get him to sleep in my arms he wakes himself up within seconds.
During the nights I feed him to sleep at 8 and move him into his sleepyhead head/ next 2 me at 10. He wakes about 1 and will not go back into his bed again so co sleeps but wakes every hour or so.
He will not take a dummy and is ebf.

I'm on my knees with tiredness as I can't sleep during the day. Lying him in his bed when sleepy doesn't work.

Any advice anyone? Sorry to hijack bit hopefully we can both get some advice!

user1485365454 Sat 18-Mar-17 20:55:45

Hijak away 😊 I'm the same with tiredness. I also worry that his head is propped up on my arm and this isn't the best for him. I'm in no way putting myself first, he would benefit from sleeping in his own bed as I think he'd get better quality sleep!

FATEdestiny Sat 18-Mar-17 20:57:38

A swaddle can help with transferring a sleeping baby Guiness. The idea is to dull-down responsiveness and alertness, so being moved (gentle and very slowly) is more doable.

I'd also strongly recommend keeping going with the dummy if you want an independant sleeping baby. It's a really invaluable tool for settling baby in the cot. If you want that, of course. Dummy is no Magic Wand, it won't magically make sleep easy. But it is much harder to get a <12m old breastfeeder independantly sleeping without it. So without a dummy, adjusting expectations might be a more useful thing to do.

GuinessPunch Sat 18-Mar-17 22:48:17

Op I'm the same with his head! I think it can't be comfortable.

Fate do you have a recommendation for a swaddle.
He had a gro snug swaddle which he used for first part of the night but he's grown out of it now.

FATEdestiny Sun 19-Mar-17 08:57:24

A cot sheet, cut in half along the short edge makes two very long, thin rectangles which are perfect size for swaddles. One for use, one in the wash.

That's what I've used for my children anyway. Place baby in centre, wrap one side tightly over shoulder and one arm, wrapping around, underneath baby's back and up the other side. Then repeat on the other side.

DermotOLogical Sun 19-Mar-17 12:19:04

Sorry to hijack, just read your advice re dummies. 8 week old ebf dummy refuser here.

He often wakes 20 mins into a nap, any idea what this could be? He will sleep in his pram for 3 hours if pushed for a while. He won't be transferred to a cot without waking up, day or night. He co sleeps at night and wakes 11, 3 and 7. Which seems pretty good to me.

teaandbiscuitsforme Sun 19-Mar-17 12:23:04

Guinness Have you tried feeding lying down? I have a toddler as well as 10 week old DS and when it's time for the toddler's nap (about 12:30), we all go upstairs, I put DD down for a nap in her bed and then I take DS into our bed to feed and nap. Then I try to close my eyes or read, but at least I'm lying down for an hour! It really helps me get some rest to face the afternoon! grin

GuinessPunch Sun 19-Mar-17 13:37:58

Tea the baby has suspected silent relfux so I can't feed him lying down!
He's currently sleeping in his sling but that means no rest for me.

user1485365454 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:14:46

Just bought a swaddly after seeing some really good reviews. Have swaddled him tonight in a blanket and has been in his own bed for an hour now, have has to go and re-settle him twice but he seems to be sleeping now. He has his dummy too which helps him.

GuinessPunch Sun 19-Mar-17 20:26:51

Op I have just ordered one too! Thank you.

FATEdestiny Sun 19-Mar-17 20:32:42

DermotOLogical - it's very rare that any baby will tolerate being moved once asleep. What is better is to get baby to go to sleep where they'll stay asleep

Pushchair (or bouncy chair) often results in longer naps than the cot because the movement helps lull baby from one sleep cycle into the next. With time, you can teach baby to link sleep cycles (and so sleep longer without needing movement to resettle) this way.

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