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At what point do you involve the doctors?

(17 Posts)
sweetandsaltypopcorn Wed 15-Mar-17 08:45:27

Ds is 2.1 and has alway since day one been a bad sleeper. Probably spent the first year of his life sleeping on me.

He has only slept through the night a handful of times.

We are getting to the point where I am starting to wonder whether there is something wrong.

For example last night, managed to get him to sleep at 7.15pm which is early for him it's normally more like 7.30/7.45 with a fight.

He woke at 9pm crying. And wouldn't resettle. He came into bed with us and spent most of the night screaming/ crying / tossing and turning.

If you try and touch or move him he lashes out. If you try and give calpol he does the same.

When he's in our bed he refuses to sleep the head end and always wants to sleep the foot end and on top of the duvet and so I spend the whole time worrying he's going to fall out.

I think he's spent every night at some point in our bed this year so far and I cannot cope any longer.

At what point do I take him to the doctors? I am beyond tired it's ridiculous.

empirerecordsrocked Wed 15-Mar-17 08:46:57

Is he having night terrors that's causing the lagging out? I'm no expert but I think you are going to need to go through some sleep training i.e. Rapid return to get him back into his own bed.

sweetandsaltypopcorn Wed 15-Mar-17 08:52:24

He's had night terrors before and last night wasn't that.

9/10 he gets out of bed and comes in to our room and tbh I'm that knackered I don't even try and put him back in his own room

mimiholls Wed 15-Mar-17 09:15:02

I don't think a doctor will help you unless he has other symptoms something is physically wrong. I would talk to your health visitor. Where I am they offer a programme for assessing and fixing sleep problems. What have you tried by way of sleep training and how does he get to sleep?

FATEdestiny Wed 15-Mar-17 11:17:54

Your hetg visitor would be the best place to start.

Are there any other symptoms that suggest developmental delay?

sweetandsaltypopcorn Wed 15-Mar-17 11:43:07

mimi I haven't really done much sleep training per se. I don't agree/ couldn't tolerate crying it out methods and I don't think they would work with him as he would just get himself into a complete state.

We have a bath, pjs on, read a book and then I usually have to lie next to him for him to fall asleep. Only I can do this as if my OH does he messes around for ages.

fate not that I have noticed or that nursery have alerted me to any issues. We haven't had his two year check yet so I will chase this up and raise it as an issue.

He still has about an hour nap in the afternoon starting from 12.30/1.00 maybe we need to get rid? He wakes up between 5.30-6am though so is usually tired but it is more effort now to get him to nap unless we're in the car where he will fall asleep no problem.

RedSandYellowSand Wed 15-Mar-17 11:48:12

Honestly?? It's not a GP thing.
Chat with the HV if you wish, but i think she will suggest the things you have decided aren't right for you / your son.
Is he is a full sized single?? Can you just get out of bed and sleep in his bed for the rest of the night, giving him more space in your bed?
My 6 and 8 year olds regularly ask if will sleep in their beds (rented house, they each have a 3/4 double). I decline unless they are ill.

RedSandYellowSand Wed 15-Mar-17 11:51:23

That last comment is meant to convey that kids much older than yours still want to cuddle Mummy at night, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be alone in the dark. It reads a bit snarky, sorry.

dalmatianmad Wed 15-Mar-17 11:52:38

You must be exhausted? Get some advice from your HV.
Sounds like you need to do a couple of nights of "tough love" and let him cry it out?
It'll be awful to do but long term benefits for all of you smile

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Wed 15-Mar-17 11:53:31

Gate on his door and back to his own bed repeatedly. .
But staying with him til he goes off to sleep has made him unable to settle himself. Sorry.
That's what you need to focus on changing.

sweetandsaltypopcorn Wed 15-Mar-17 11:55:37

wishiwas I am aware that's the problem however not a lot I can do about that now.

We live in a ground floor property with an elderly man above us and so it's not feasible to just let him scream and scream I'm afraid.

I'm also at work and so need as much sleep as possible and crying it out is not an option.

thekingfisher Wed 15-Mar-17 11:58:47

I would contact a sleep clinic . I have used millpond albeit 12 years ago now but they were a life saver with my 2 year old who had NEVER slept through the night. I didn't want to sleep train by crying it out - but they were great - i never left him for more than 30 seconds (the amount of time i was happy to 'leave' him without reassurance - My dh got a new job and he was travelling 3weeks out of 4 and I was working full time with 2 hour commute and just was not able to function so i had to do it.

I think it took about 6 nights.... at the time i think it cost £150 but I honestly would have paid 10 x that

JellyWitch Wed 15-Mar-17 11:59:32

My 7 year old still gets into bed with us for a cuddle for most of the night and my nearly 3 year old is still cosleeping full time. I can't do with being up for work and up and down all night.

I would say that struggling to settle, not sleeping through and wanting cuddles is really normal. Talk your your HV if you want help with strategies to encourage him to not get up to you but unless you have other concerns, waking up at night isn't unusual for small kids.

sweetandsaltypopcorn Wed 15-Mar-17 12:00:07

redsand I have no problem whatsoever with him sleeping in my bed. I completely agree, I don't like sleeping alone so why should a two year old?

My issue is that even in our bed he doesn't sleep well and fidgets and tosses and turns and still cries/thrashes around.

Monkey29 Wed 15-Mar-17 12:11:59

I've had this issue. At 18mths ild had enough. Working full time etc and also had 3 1/2 yr old. Eventually gave in and did the cry it out (at a time when I knew she wasn't teething and was well). It is horrendous listening to the screaming but it was so worth it. First night screamed for 20mins, second night about 10mins, third night about 5mins and ever since she has slept through the night. I felt a bit sad that she had given in and realised there was no point calling out! It is heart wrenching but it has been much better for all concerned. She's now 20mths. She has her bottle..tries a few delay tactics (jokingly) before bed then happily goes into cot with her teddies and a new pillow I got her and sleeps the entire night (bar when she's sick in which case I obviously attend to her). She wakes happy in the morning and chats away to her teddies for a bit before calling out. She is in good form all day too.
I totally get where you are coming from but I do honestly think we can often be doing a disservice to our children by not teaching them how to sleep. I know I did it for long enough..but they really are way more cranky and irritable with lack of sleep ..and I know I was too.
I had sleep trained my oldest at 8 mths and regret not having done it sooner with the second. It is harder when they are older and more vocal/ more physical/able to climb out etc. I was in such a sleep deprived state for 18mths though that giving in at night seemed the only way. Couldn't believe the difference just 3 nights made. (Maybe it can be worse for some). Think it only took 2 or 3 nights with my first too.
Hope you find something that works.
I don't think gp will be able to help much either although I'm sure they get plenty of people in with a similar complaint.
A friend of mine got a sleep trainer in and found it fantastic so might be worth looking into if you want to go a gentler route.

mimiholls Wed 15-Mar-17 13:08:34

Sleep training doesn't have to mean leaving him to scream there are other methods but I would say this has to be addressed with a consistent strategy. Sleep is so important and he must be chronically overtired if he's awake a lot of the night. I would definitely talk to your health visitor.

Scrumptiouscrumpets Wed 15-Mar-17 13:42:56

Unless there is anything indicating a medical issue like snoring, waking up gasping for air, your GP won't be able to do much. HVs often aren't much help either. your posts sound as if this is a behavioural issue and not a medical one. I would contact a sleep clinic, as suggested by a pp. You sound as if you could need the kind of consistent support over a few weeks which sleep consultants and clinics offer.

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