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I am actually losing the plot

(31 Posts)
Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 16:24:28

DD2 who was a good sleeper is getting progressively worse as she grows up.

She's 10 months and while she goes to bed OK, she keeps waking up just as we go to bed and then being awake for hours - she was up til 2am last night angry

I have also battled her all this afternoon over a nap that she seems to want (eye rubbing etc) but then screams and bucks and headbutts me when we get upstairs.

I have had it. I am totally exhausted from the shitty nights and turn into a ragey screaming banshee over the naps.

I am actually losing it - I can't stop getting angry and I feel so miserable. I can't be bothered to do anything with my other 2 cos I am so tired and me and DH are just tolerating each other atm. sad

How can she be getting so much worse as she gets older?!

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 18:59:24

Bumping for the evening crowd

DavidPuddy Sun 12-Mar-17 19:04:00

How long has it been going on for? Could she be teething?

BendingSpoons Sun 12-Mar-17 19:07:08

Separation anxiety? Around 9 months DD would be awake for ages in the night as she wanted to be close to me (just me, not DH!). No real advice, we just rode it out and co-slept from the middle of the night. Hoping someone comes with better advice soon!

wowbutter Sun 12-Mar-17 19:16:57

I work with the sleep Scotland trainers, so here is what they would ask.

Describe your bedtime routine to me, properly, with timings.
When you say she wakes as you go to bed, are you in the same room? Making a noise on he landing? Is that every night?
Does she have milk in the night still?
When she is up do you keep the place dark, sedate etc?

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 20:24:12

OK wow here goes:

Up for bath around 6:20, out by 6:30 and into pj's and sleeping bag.
Bottle in her room with a small lamp on and lullaby sheep playing.
Little cuddle with dummy after bottle, into bed awake, light off (has a nightlight) and usually asleep within a few mins - by 7pm.

We try to be as quiet as possible when we go to bed and it's not every single night but she usually starts stirring and crying just as we switch our light off! Leave her a short while to see if she resettles but then go in to replace her dummy.

If she is up we never turn lights on - we just keep it all in 'night' mode. She has milk if she has been up for hours and we're getting fed up but doesn't always go back afterwards - I don't think she wakes from hunger as she dropped her night feed a good few months ago and can still not be fussed about milk in the morning after 12 hrs since bed.

welshweasel Sun 12-Mar-17 20:27:20

Do you keep the door to her room shut? Might stop her waking when you go up to bed. We had a similarly shit time at 10 months, ended up co sleeping for a bit but realised that wasn't a long term solution. It did pass eventually, he now sleeps really well again. I'd not give milk, it just creates one more thing you're going to have to get rid of again.

Oly5 Sun 12-Mar-17 20:30:08

At 10 months my two settled in their own bed but when they had that night waking I brought them on with me! It was the only way we got sleep!
It got better and by age 2 they slept though every night on their own.
I'd just do whatever gives you sleep!

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 20:31:55

I'd change her bedtime order ever so slightly so that she has her bottle in the lounge then brush her teeth and put her down. Otherwise it sounds fine. Does she wake up for the dummy? Can she find it herself or are you being woken to do that? If you are, I'd ditch the dummy. Saying that I suspect she's overtired - try to put her down for naps before she's looking tired... she's likely to be overtired by the time she looks tired! Put her down at 10 & 2.30 for naps.

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 20:32:18

Sorry for the lack of paragraphs- phone was playing up there

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 20:36:29

Can i ask why you suggest milk downstairs? She doesn't fall asleep on the bottle. Also can usually find her dummy herself.

Re naps - she can't sleep at 2:30 as we do a school run and a half hour nap wouldn't be enough and she won't transfer into a buggy (or sleep longer than 30 mins if she started it in the buggy!)

ATM she is having a long nap from around 10 and refuses to have any more sleep until bedtime - tried twice today and she just kicked off. She went out for a walk with DH and wouldn't even nod off in the buggy.

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Mar-17 20:46:08

Also can usually find her dummy herself.

You have methods in place to help baby search for a lost dummy?

Leave her a short while to see if she resettles but then go in to replace her dummy.

That sounds more like the problem.

A baby at 10 months should be able to replace her own dummy. However, babies are not very good at searching for and finding a dummy in the night.

She can probably reinsert her own dummy if she sees the dummy or has it in her hand. What have you got in place to make sure that sge can find the dummy when it is dark, she's tired, shes not properly awake and do wants dummy quickly?

Timetogrowup2016 Sun 12-Mar-17 20:48:55

A sleepytot plus extra dummies helps my 13 month old find her dummy.

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 20:49:33

It's usually right by her face - if we ever go in to help her it's usually just there so assume she just scrabbles nearby for it. She has a nightlight so it's not pitch black.

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Mar-17 20:55:26

I can't imagine that a 10 month old needs a night light you know. She'll probably sleep better in pitch black. Scared of the dark starts around aged 3 in my experience.

Having said that, a night light may help you if you have to deal with her in the middle of the night, so you have some light to be able to see what you are doing.

Regarding the dummy - if you feel sure she could reinsert the dummy if she wanted to. Why do you think she isn't?

I used to sew a ribbon onto the chest of sleeping bags. Press stud at the end for te dummy. Baby then learns that sweeping hand across the chest finds the ribbon, when then means finding dummy to put in. So there need be no thought process to locate the dummy in the middle of the night. It can even be done with eyes shut.

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 20:56:57

Milk in the lounge just double removes the feeding to sleep association and brushing the teeth after is important.

When are the naps then? After the school run? You might want to shift the whole routine to 8-8 with naps at 11 & 3.30.

9/10 evening waking is overtiredness so quality naps would be my priority #1 but changing the bedtime order is a fairly easy adjustment

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 20:58:22

Yes - loads of dummies in bed and her doing it for themselves. Dummies are great for sleep as long as you're not involved!

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Mar-17 21:00:22

I did 9-11am and 1-3pm naps to fit around the school run. It meant rushing out the house to do any chores over the lunchtime awake time, but hayho, it's not like 2-nap days lasted forever.

I agree regarding moving bottle to downstairs before going up to do wash, teeth and bed.

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 21:05:31

I wasn't assuming she couldn't put the dummy in! I only go in if it sounds like she can't find it but usually she seems to get it.

Naps are a bugger as we also do a run out to preschool at 12 - not sure how everyone seems to manage to have such precise times? Must have robot babies that just go to sleep when you want them too!

If she won't go off to sleep for a nap then bugger all I can do about it! I'm sure she probably is overtired but you know the saying, you can lead a horse to water...

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 21:14:46

Will she do a pram nap? Maybe with a snooze shade?

They're not robot babies but if you do the same thing daily, they get the gist.

Only making suggestions, that you asked for

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 21:23:33

No sorry i'm not being arsey, just frustrated! I am very much a routine person and she has always napped well on a pretty consistent schedule - it's just all gone out the bloody window recently! And I find having to squeeze it all round school and preschool v stressful!

She is shite at pram naps tbh - too nosey to go off and only sleeps for 30 mins.

Anyone ever done that 'wake to sleep' thing? Was wondering if she wakes now out of habit?

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Mar-17 21:27:45

What are her naps at the moment?

OohNoDooEy Sun 12-Mar-17 21:31:11

I think I'd put her in her cot every day when you get home from the morning run, at 9ish and again after lunch once you're home from the preschool run and keep her there for 90 minutes. Stick to it for a fortnight and it should stick.

The staying awake for a period of time is often linked to developmental leaps so walking and talking at her age - the only thing to do there is ignore it, if you can

Rollonbedtime7pm Sun 12-Mar-17 21:34:21

Until the last week or so she was having around 9:30 - 10:30 (I would wake her) and then from between 1 and 1:30 until we left for school at 3. Sometimes she would wake herself just before but mostly had to get her up at 3.

The last week she has just had a long sleep around 10 - 12 and then occasionally a cat nap around 3:30 but she mostly resists a second sleep.

The being awake for hours in the night has been going on since New Year, with the occasional few days where it improves and then she goes shit again.

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Mar-17 21:46:02

She's not sleeping through the night. She's having lots of awake time in the night.

This means she needs MORE daytime sleep, not less.

I would just put her in the cot at 9am when you get back from school. Sit with her reinserting dummy if needed, until asleep. Then wake her at 11am.

Back into cot at 1pm. Again, be consistent with dummy reinserts and what not. Wake at 3pm.

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