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Naps naps naps

(12 Posts)
Dottylottiesmum Mon 27-Feb-17 14:39:42

So, the last four days I cannot get my daughter to nap in her cot, 20 months old, has slept every day for the last three months in her cot, but now refusing and I can't help but find it so frustrating to the point where I end up crying as it gets to me so much. I tried for 45 minutes today but nothing. I'm starting to find it is affecting my mental health as I struggle with it so much and I then feel guilty. Buggy naps haven't worked for months and months, getting in the car and going for a drive does work. Should I just learn to suck it up and not get frustrated and upset about it or should I be sleep training for her nap time? Going to bed she touch wood is fine at the moment so I know we are lucky with that. I worry that letting her cry and scream will be detrimental to her going to bed at night in case she associates her cot with being a traumatic place.

Whattodowithaminute Mon 27-Feb-17 14:41:02

What's her daily routine like? Wake times, attempts of nap and how's her night sleep?

Dottylottiesmum Mon 27-Feb-17 14:46:15

Hi whattodowithaminute, thank you for replying. She goes to bed at 7.15 and wakes about 6.30, lunch at 12, books and sleeping bag and in her cot for 12.45. Leave her two minutes and then go in, she used to faff for about five or ten minutes but then dozed off with me in there with my hand on her back. Now she won't and is babbling, patting my hand, and just playing really. I have tried going out of the room, back in and then trying to calm her again, repeating but failing.

ooohsopink Mon 27-Feb-17 14:50:18

Your daughter might not need a nap as she is getting older - if she will stay in her cot with some books and toys, having some quiet time while you are around, then let her do that - no need to make a thing if she won't actually sleep. Being in a quiet room with some down time (no tv, music etc) can help her rest.

FATEdestiny Mon 27-Feb-17 16:12:53

Naps don't need to be something you get so upset you cry about or affect your mental health. If you are feeling emotional about it yourself, how about lying down together for a nap? Not forever, not long term, just for now to get her sleeping again. It might help you as well as her.

In the cot, is she attached to a comforter, or do something to give herself comfort (like thumb suck, tickle herself etc)?

Have you only recently introduced naps in on the cot? What was happening before?

InsaneDame Mon 27-Feb-17 16:34:24

I just started taking mine out for a nap in the car everyday....blush

Dottylottiesmum Mon 27-Feb-17 20:01:38

Insanedame - do you find it frustrating or do you just go with it? How old is your child?

Ooohsopink- my mum said the same but I just think it seems too early for her to drop it plus as soon as we get in the car generally within ten minutes she has conked out! hmm

Fate - I know, I'm not sure why I get so down over it, I think it's because I was lead to believe that babies should and do always sleep in their cot and then I feel like a failure when I can't achieve it. I had quite a few months of one day she would nap in her cot the next she wouldn't but then we seemed to have cracked it! And now we seem to have uncracked it! I am grateful she will sleep in the car as I don't think she would make a whole day without it. It honestly bothers me that much I'm not sure I'm cut out to have another baby which I find sad too. She doesn't use a comforter, I have tried to get her to like things but she isn't worried. She stopped using a dummy months ago but uses one to hold in her hand as she drifts off so I guess that is a comforter, when she isn't lobbing it around her bed laughing! grin. She is such a little angel with a great sense of humour that I feel guilty even getting internally angry with her. It's not her fault is it! she did go down within five minutes for her father yesterday! Maybe tomorrow will be better!

ooohsopink Mon 27-Feb-17 20:38:09

To be fair, if I go out in the car I fall asleep too grin (not when driving though! shock)

Sometimes little ones make up their own minds about these things and if she is sleeping well at night then maybe that's ok?

Do you need the downtime while she naps?

Somehowsomewhere Mon 27-Feb-17 20:44:44

DD1 dropped her nap at 19 months but would still sleep if we happened to be out in the car in the afternoon. I had a newborn so couldn't persevere with the nap in her cot and couldn't drive her around every day so the nap just had to go!
DD2 is now 19 months and I'm dreading this happening but can see it coming pretty soon!
I'd try and persevere, maybe just put her in her cot for a bit of quiet time at the same time every day. If she dozes off then great. If not, you've at least had chance for a cup of tea.
It really shouldn't be something that you're so upset about that you're in tears, although I know how stressful naps can be. How are you feeling generally?

Dottylottiesmum Mon 27-Feb-17 21:12:22

Ooohsopink - I wonder if it is because I need the downtime, just time to do a little bit of ironing and cooking and to get the house straight, I am a sahm and I think it's because I feel that everything should be perfect as I don't work and don't have to do anything else! And yes I suppose if she sleeps well at night why am I complaining grin I suppose saying it out loud makes me feel better, I don't really tell anyone about how I feel. It just feels like they pop their little ones in their cot and that's It, two hours later they get up! But perhaps it is not really like that!

Somehowsomewhere - perhaps she is the same as your children, early to drop her naps! I will try quiet time and see. She very rarely seems grumpy even if she has only had a half hour snooze in the car.

Generally I feel fine and am a happy person with lots of support which is why it has stumped me that I have felt like this since my daughter has been born more or less. It has been my biggest worry. It may also stem from the fact that I read a lot about if they don't sleep enough during the day they won't sleep well at night, sleep breeds sleep etc! Pah, who knows! I'm just being a twit! blush

Whattodowithaminute Mon 27-Feb-17 21:55:16

20 months would be early but not unheard to drop a nap. We resorted to driving when we felt a nap was really needed. It might be a blip, she might come back to it, she might need a shorter nap and not be quite ready by 12:45/1. I'd normally aim to have them up by 3 at the latest so even sleeping at 2 would give you/her an hour without bedtime routine being destroyed. When they are dropping naps they still might need some days not others. It's really rubbish when the daytime sleeps go but you do get more freedom from the house ultimately...

FATEdestiny Mon 27-Feb-17 22:16:44

I was lead to believe that babies should and do always sleep in their cot...

Loads of babies never sleep in the cot. Ever. Loads cosleep at night, sleep in arms during the day. Some people establish the pushchair for naps rather than the cot.

When I had my first child, I read so much and stressed so much about doing everything "right", that she ended up with really appalling, long term poor sleep habits. I feel certain if I'd have just relaxed, stop trying to fit my square-peg baby into a round hole, that everything would have been so much easier and more straight forward.

My DC1 and DC4 (my two girls) had very similar sleep profiles as babies. They need my consistant reassurance and lots of calm, quiet comfort to sleep. The outcomes of these similar temperaments are polar opposite.

DC2 and DC3 (my two boys) were of the give dummy, put down, leave sleep profiles. I tried to turn DC1 into this kind of baby (But without the dummy, I was too scared to use a dummy with my first). She wasn't that kind of baby and never will be. So I ended up with years and years of poor sleep habits. Compare to DC4, similarly needy in terms attention needed to sleep as a baby. I didn't fight it. Ever. I just followed her needs and gave her everything she needed. It took her longer to get to the "easy" way the boys were. But she got there. DC1 never did

Maybe Dottylottiesmum - your baby is the square peg trying to fit in the round hole. You'll get the best outcomes accepting the type of child you have, rather than trying to turn her into something else.

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