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Frequent waker

(11 Posts)
haywhenthesunshines Mon 20-Feb-17 14:34:29

My 10 mo has real trouble sleeping. He wakes at the end of nearly every sleep cycle (50 mins) sometimes more frequently, especially in the evenings. I therefore spend alot of time up and down the stairs, watching the monitor for the next wake up.
It's meaning no switch off time at all ( before a long night if wakeups- but we then cosleep so not as much running to and from involved).
Anyway, my question is- am I mad ? he obviously is not going to sleep through anytime soon, does anyone else spend each and every evening running up and downstairs to feed/insert dummy/ reassure I am close etc etc. Should I just bring him back down stairs with me until I go to bed?
Has anyone done this? Would it be too confusing for him at 10 months?

haywhenthesunshines Mon 20-Feb-17 18:37:29

Anyone? Would really value other perspectives

Garnethair Mon 20-Feb-17 18:39:12

I would stick with doing what you are doing.

haywhenthesunshines Mon 20-Feb-17 19:08:36

Thankyou- I guess at some point it will get easier and may pay off

FATEdestiny Mon 20-Feb-17 19:12:18

Why is he such a light sleeper?

Have you tried white noise in case background noise is waking him? Plus blackout bedroom.

Is it low level hunger? Is he getting enough milk in the daytime?

Is it to do with how he goes to sleep? Is he going from awake to asleep in the cot? Is there a milk/sleep association?

Can baby out put his own dummy in?

Have you don't things to ensure he can find his dumny easily in the dark? Babies aren't very good at searching. I sewed a ribbon into the sleeping bag with a press stud at the end for the dummy.

FATEdestiny Mon 20-Feb-17 19:13:17

Done* things. (Not don't things)

haywhenthesunshines Mon 20-Feb-17 20:17:03

Thanks for your reply Fate.

We have tried the following on advice of a sleep consultant; alpha music played from bath time to morning, (previously had a Ewan). Tried alpha music for 10 weeks, now back to Ewan but it only lasts for 20 minutes.

Lavender in bath, lavender oil to massage, lavender in a humidifier ( ditched all except bath lavender after 10 weeks or so).

I feed him to sleep ( normally breast feed as he can be a bottle refuser) so I wait until he is asleep to transfer him. I've tried so many times to put him in the cot drowsy but he is wide awake crying his eyes out as soon as a put him in.

I do worry it is a low level hunger. He still breast feeds every few hours , and I also try to load him up with solid food. He has 3 meals a day and I've just introduced snacks. I've made his main meal lunch as he never eats much at dinner.I think he has enough carbs but perhaps not as much meat as he could. I also offer formula milk a few times a day in case it is hunger but he generally refuses.

He wears a sleep suit and a short sleeve vest at night. He has tried a sleeping bag but doesn't seem to like it.He has a blanket but kicks it off. I think he prefers being cool. but maybe he is cold.As he co sleeps most of the night i was wary about over dressing him.

I scatter dummies around his cot ( he is in a sleepyhead). He has one of those sleepy tot dummy holders but didnt like it over his face.
He has become attached to a teddy in the past week or so, I could maybe attach something to this for the dummy.

Sorry for the essay

Timetogrowup2016 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:20:26

I feed him to sleep ( normally breast feed as he can be a bottle refuser) so I wait until he is asleep to transfer him. I've tried so many times to put him in the cot drowsy but he is wide awake crying his eyes out as soon as a put him in.

I think that is your issue.
Best way for babies to stay asleep is to fall asleep where they stay

flibbertigibbety Mon 20-Feb-17 20:51:03

We're the same I'm afraid, except my DS is 14 months and still waking every 40 mins ish all evening. We sometimes get 90 mins at night but that's the longest. We co sleep from necessity and I feed back to sleep mostly just in sheer desperation. Once this fecking period of molar teething is over I'm going to try gentle night weaning to see if that helps.
So, no advice, sorry, just know you are not alone!

FATEdestiny Mon 20-Feb-17 21:13:10

bsolutely agree with PP. While all of the other things may vary from being 'unlikey to be significant' through to 'minor, small issue'. Feeding to sleep is your big issue.

Resolve the feeding to sleep "problem" (it need not be a problem) and you will solve the main bulk of all sleep issues.

The Science

Humans sleep in cycles as an evolutionary left-over from caveman days when we could be eaten by predictors when sleeping.

In cycles through the night, we have light sleeping phases. In an adult, you may barely notice these. It's the times you shuffle positions, unconsciously glance at the clock, shuffle around and go back to sleep.

You are just checking you are safe, without overly disrupting your sleep. If you went to sleep in your bed and during one of these light sleeping phases realised you were in a car, what would you do? You wouldn't roll over and go back to sleep. You'd freak out, be wide awake very quickly thinking WTF?!

Same with baby. Goes to sleep in your arms, with part of mum in her mouth, listening to your heatbeat. Wakes up alone, in dark, no mum for comfort. Freaks out, no settling back to sleep.

Going to sleep in the place she will stay asleep is important.

Your baby has the added confusion that sometimes in the brief wake up you are there cosleeping. But sometimes you aren't.

Cosleeping

One way to solve this is to simply embrace cosleeping full time, all the time.

Baby falls asleep next to you, knows he will always wakes up next to you and can breastfeed at any time.

That may involve moving around your routine. Maybe baby stays up with you until you go to bed. Maybe you go to bed earlier and consider your bed as "me time".

Independant Sleeping - without crying

Maybe you don't want to cosleep? That's fine too.

You said: I've tried so many times to put him in the cot drowsy.... That won't work. From being breastfed to sleep, if you want to do with without loads of crying and distress, the jump is too great there.

From breast feeding to sleep, your first aim wants to be fed until drowsy (not asleep) then cuddle to sleep. Then into cot.

Next step is feeding before bedtime, cuddle to sleep. Into cot asleep. (At that point congratulate yourself that you arent feeding to sleep)

Then cuddle to very drowsy, lie next to cot and comfort by leaning into cot for last bit. And so on.

Independant Sleeping - with crying

The whole gradual withdrawal process as described above can be done much quicker. Less gradual. This will give faster changes but will come with distress.

Or controlled crying. Or cry it out.

haywhenthesunshines Mon 20-Feb-17 21:42:34

Thankyou so much Fate for your reply- it is so helpful. Thanks for taking the time.

Flibbert- wow 14 months... wish you the best of luck with the night weaning.

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