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I'm done. I'm at my wits end.

(14 Posts)
LurkingQuietly Fri 10-Feb-17 20:33:53

I don't know what to do and I'm desperate.

16 month old DD was a great sleeper, then about 6 months ago started being a shit sleeper and waking ALL. THE. TIME.

I was an idiot and after two weeks of trying to settle her in her cot sometimes 20 times a night, j took her into our bed. Big mistake. She is there every night. It's getting me down, I hate co-sleeping. I have another child so I need to be rested!

Here are the problems:

- her preferred method of going to sleep is next to me on my bed/sofa. I transfer her when she's asleep
- no wonder when she wakes she's confused I'm not there
- she refuses milk completely at bedtime
- for 2 weeks I've been doing gradual retreat with her. All going well, last two nights have been utter shit. Last night she went to sleep at midnight FFS.
- she is a nightmare to nap in the day unless it's in the car. If we stay home, she naps in her cot eventually, but really late so then I have to wake her or let her sleep and have a really late night.
- if I lower her into her cot awake now for example she screams the place down. And cries for a long time.

There's probably loads more info you need. Please help.

I'm willing to try controlled crying as it did work with my DS, but her temperament is far more...stubborn than his so I just can't see it working. Plus, it will keep him up which isn't ideal, but it's not the end of the world.

Essentially I want her to go to sleep in her cot, and stay there.

endofthelinefinally Fri 10-Feb-17 20:37:59

Can you take the side off the cot and push it up against the side of your bed?

LurkingQuietly Fri 10-Feb-17 20:39:43

Nope, good idea but no room. I had to edge round the bed and climb in from the end when she was in her crib in here. Thanks though.

lelong Fri 10-Feb-17 21:35:15

you have my sympathy Lurking

this sounds very similar to our situation a few weeks ago. we'd got into the habit of bringing our baby (also 16 months) into bed with us whenever he woke up during the night. at first it worked quite well but over time it got worse and worse - he'd lie there pawing at us (well DH really - i'd go into the spare room) for hours before going back to sleep.

i tried gradual retreat for ages but it really didn't work for us - i never made it out of the room! and we kept regressing, so that i'd have to go back to standing over the cot with my hand on him to get him to fall asleep. it doesn't help that DH is a soft touch so at the slightest whimper he'd have him out of the cot in the flash and cuddle him to sleep angry

eventually i decided to bite the bullet and try controlled crying as i couldn't see any alternative. my justification was that at 16 months, he knew i was not abandoning him forever by leaving the room, he just didn't like it. i was convinced it would take ages as he's very determined, and when we tried it before a while ago he got very distressed within a few mins so obviously i stopped straight away.

i was wrong. it worked brilliantly. first night he cried for about 20 mins (with me in and out the room every few mins) but only first few mins were bad, then it was more complaining-crying IYKWIM. he did wake up and cry for about 10 mins in the night, but only once. next night, he went to sleep after about 5 mins of crying and when he woke up in the night i just resettled him and he went straight back to sleep shock! now, only two weeks later, he is sleeping through almost every night and if he does wake up it's just a quick visit into his room to resettle him then he goes back to sleep. i am a total convert! the hardest bit was getting DH to toe the line grin

sorry if i'm boring you or you know all this already because you've already done it once! but i thought it might help to hear a success story with a similar age child. i appreciate it is more difficult with another child in the house (this is my first) - could your son sleep over at someone's house for the first night, which is always the worst?

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Fri 10-Feb-17 21:36:36

Can you stick then into there buggy to sleep. That's what I do when I can't be arsed to get DD to sleep properly.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Fri 10-Feb-17 21:37:59

Ooh I forgot to add. DD always hated the cit - she thought it was a terrible wooden prison. When we took a side off the cot things have been loads better.

EsmesBees Fri 10-Feb-17 21:40:48

Could she be ready to drop the day time nap? Might be worth a try.

Hedgeh0g Fri 10-Feb-17 21:45:02

Floor bed and controlled crying/ gradual retreat - change of scene might break the bad association with sleeping on her own?

LurkingQuietly Fri 10-Feb-17 22:40:58

Oh wow, THANK YOU so much for replying! flowersflowersflowers

Lelong I actually nearly cried with relief at your post. Thank you. I can't keep going the way I am so to know that a) we're not alone, and b) someone else has sorted it is amazing. There is hope!

Funnily enough, despite my protestations that I think she is not of the right temperament for controlled crying, Facebook has just pinged me my memories and apparently I said the same about DS, this time 2 years ago.

Re my son being away, I think he'll be ok. He's a sensitive soul, so thinking about it - a late-for-him night with Daddy on the sofa will be enough to keep him happy.

Scooby she's a bugger in the pushchair too - 2 hours I walked with her this week and she fell asleep as I walked back down my road.

Interesting about the cot side though. That's definitely something to think about. I'm
Also wondering if she'd like a pillow and duvet rather than a sleeping bag. Got to be worth a go!

Esmes definitely not (thank god!), she really needs that nap. She can't cope without it, I physically can't keep her awake late afternoon without a nap (and then I have a really late night with her!)

Hedgeh0g this is interesting - it would require some serious furniture moving but it would be worth it.

Thanks all, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 11-Feb-17 05:49:47

Try a single bed with bed guards. Lie with her to go to sleep and then move off when she's in a deep sleep. We moved DD to a bed at 17 months after she was a total cot refuser. She loves it and has been sleeping through since- never thought that would happen!

LurkingQuietly Sat 11-Feb-17 08:55:57

We could do this - she's in a cot bed so we could take the sides off easily enough. I am wary of starting a new habit I don't really want to carry on though!

teaandbiscuitsforme Sat 11-Feb-17 09:55:00

I started by lying with DD (she was also BF to sleep) and the about a month later DH started lying with her. Obviously timing was more BF related than going into the bed! Then a couple of weeks later he started just sitting on the floor holding her hand and within a week he was kissing her goodnight and leaving her to drop off. Might not be as quick a fix as you're looking for but it worked really well for us.

munchkinmable Sat 11-Feb-17 10:46:17

I took the sides off the cot at 16 month because my daughter screamed the place down whenever she wasn't completely asleep in it. Worked wonders. She still wakes a lot but I can cuddle her in her bed back to sleep

lelong Sat 11-Feb-17 19:47:55

Oh i'm so glad i could help a little bit Lurking. you can sort this. i felt totally at the end of my tether too and like he would never get better. i can't believe the difference. he's up there awake in his cot now, completely peaceful - he used to cry at the sight of his sleeping bag!

if you decide to go down the cc route and need some support, let me know.

re: some of the other suggestions - some friends of ours were having similar issues with their baby (he's a couple of months older than mine) - actually thinking about it, their situation sounds even more similar to yours as they used to lie down with him to get him to sleep then transfer. anyway they tried him in a toddler bed as he had such an aversion to his cot, and that worked really well for them, he's totally happy there and sleeps through now. but was obviously a complete gamble!

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